Signs, Lessons and Roundabouts

Life is grand… everything is going along exactly as I had hoped and planned. I am kicking goals and ticking boxes left, right and centre. It has been so much growth in such a short time, and this week I stepped it up a notch again. I signed with a mentor that will push me and help me fill the gaps in my business knowledge. I was asked to join a social therapy group team and I ran my first solo workshop.

However in the back of my mind, I am acutely aware at this point in time I am scared, no TERRIFIED, of my greatness.

I see an amazing Kinesiologist. One of my many mentors and teachers. She came to see me as a client and had a great session but what she said to me after resonated as I knew it was the truth. She commented that she could FEEL I was shielding some of my light. Like I was holding back. Not completely stepping into my power. A theme that has run through my life.

Up until recently I, like many, was comfortable living in victim mentality. Where life just happens to us and we really don’t have any control over our outer circumstances and how we think and behave. But lately it hasn’t been enough for me anymore and I have thrown myself into life where I am creating the reality that lights me up.

That being said, the rest of your life, patterns and experiences don’t just disappear and today it all welled up. All the what ifs. What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? What if I succeed but nobody I love is ok with my new life? Why is it so hard for me? Why does everyone else seem to get it easy?

It is amazing the bullshit that we throw into the mix when we are bashing ourselves up.

So reluctantly, I took myself out of the house to go to a coffee date I had organised many weeks ago. My first ever client, now friend, that was my guinea pig for my Super Soul Sessions. Two seconds in she could see I wasn’t myself and honestly I wasn’t doing a great job of pretending otherwise. Despite the fact we are now friends, I still put all these expectations on myself as to how I “should” behave in front of her.

But I was in it and as unbelievably uncomfortable as it made me, the self proclaimed “fixer” in the dynamic, I wasn’t in a space to pull myself up. So she whisked me out the cafe door to go and find nature.

As we walked along and she made small talk as I gave nothing back, she stopped and began to chuckle. I looked up. “You’re fucking kidding me!” I proclaimed.

There right in the window of a random store on the side of the road was a giant rug. In coloured writing it simply said “Open Up Your Heart”.  “Well I have to say, you always get such clear signs from the universe Michelle” she said.

Well that was it. I began to cry. We walked a little further until my tears turned into sobs and I sat myself down on a tram stop bench. She sat next to me as I lent over and cried on her shoulder.

We sat in silence for a bit. Then as if I was sitting with Yoda, she began to speak.

“You know your intuition is quite remarkable Michelle. You sat yourself down in front of a building site. Look at all the big signs right in front of you! It is so relevant!”

We began to laugh. The signs were like “Take care – deep excavation in progress” “Safety Gear Required At All Times” & “Under Construction” – These signs were like a metaphor for my life right now.

As we giggled and sat with the sun on our faces the wisdom and beautiful insights poured out of her. And as I sat there and lapped up all the golden insights and different perspectives on how my journey is going, the resounding feeling was gratitude. Gratitude for her. Gratitude for the words. Gratitude for the lessons. Gratitude for my humaness.

Regardless of who you are, your title, your role in the dynamic or whatever other labels or boxes you put around yourself. You are having a human experience. And every single one of us is capable of teaching all the rest of us a thing or two.

When you allow yourself to open and be your authentic self, the lessons flow your way thick and fast and all those empty spaces no longer seem so dark and vast.

Be open to connecting and learning. Always. Every single soul has some beautiful wisdom to bring to the world that could in a second, change yours.

Love and light

Michelle xxx

Total Acceptance (1) – Jealousy

One of the toughest parts of learning to love ourselves in our entirety, is the complexity of self shaming. When we look outside of ourselves for validation or acknowledgment. When we look to society and our environment to dictate and mould how our lives should look. If we ourselves do not feel we measure up to these perceived ideals of our external environment, we tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. We tell ourselves we are not enough.

We all walk our own path. Have our own unique dynamics, experiences and lessons that help guide the lens in which we look at this world. In order to shift our perception from struggle, pain, fear and ego to light and love for all that is, we know that the first step to change is acknowledgement. This is well documented. Personal growth starts with owning your shit and the willingness to take action to change it.

However, often once we start to truly look into all parts of ourselves and what makes us tick we undoubtedly uncover deep parts within us that we don’t really like or want to own. These thoughts, beliefs, actions and emotions are equally a part of us as the cool, fun, shiny stuff we appreciate about ourselves; and behind the dark exterior, its power to propel us to the life we truly want is palpable.

So this week lets look into the emotion of JEALOUSY. This is a widely shamed emotion to express. Often called the root of all evil, a disease, a monster, a curse only experienced by those who have no self esteem. If you express jealousy, you are automatically seen as weak. It is almost a taboo emotion and one that triggers a huge amount of self shaming behaviours.

Unfortunately, the intensity is increased due to the double nature of the emotion in which we not only feel bad in ourselves for feeling that way but we are also harbouring negativity toward the person or situation we are in fact jealous of. Clearly, this results in one big cycle of negative energy and suppression.

As is my intention behind all that I do, I like to express something real. Something for you, the reader to connect to. To understand that I am speaking both from a place of knowledge and understanding. Something authentic and relatable. This week jealousy reared its intriguing head into my consciousness and I have had an interesting experience unpacking it.

This time it was amongst friends. Being the only single mum in the group and busy juggling all the things that I am choosing to do in this stage of my life, my social life has taken a bit of a back seat. And although I have chosen this, it did not help me rationalise why I was feeling left out and jealous when I did see my friends and I had no idea what most of the conversations were about. Plans were being made without me and group texts had differed to ones in which I was no longer included. As I was sitting at a dinner with them for the first time in a while and I wasn’t following any of the conversation, I began to feel that deep old emotion of jealousy rising up.

Now I would place bets that every single person reading this has experienced this feeling at one point or another. Some people feel it more often than others, and you know what? Thats ok!

The thing is, the friendships, careers and romantic partners we seek out as adults are not by chance. We are drawn to or repelled from personality types and people based on the dynamics we experienced in our childhood years. It is this intricately amazing life that our unconsciousness weaves for us so we can be presented with situations that can keep us “safe” in our patterns of old. Or, when you are ready to look at it like this, give us the opportunities to grow and heal any parts of ourselves that are not fulfilled.

Jealousy will surface in situations in which these old wounds are triggered. And lets be honest it actually makes you feel yuk. Inside and out. Its one of the lower vibrational emotions so it makes sense that it just brings you down. You and those around you. Its heavy.

So if you add to the heaviness with more self blame, shame, misdirected anger and projection you will inevitably only add to its weight.

The only way to lighten the load of a low vibrational energy is to show it the light. Shower in it. Be honest with yourself. If you feel it come up, be compassionate. Ultimately, it is a small child part of yourself expressing that they are feeling insecure. That they are not feeling enough. That they need to be loved. Not shamed and pushed down or away.

Find a safe place and EXPRESS IT. Let it out. In a healthy way. Not screaming or sulking. This will only make you feel worse again. In my situation I chose to express it directly to those involved and it has been a great experience for my growth journey. But you may chose a professional, a safe friend or family member or even just acknowledging it to yourself and show yourself some love.

It never ceases to amaze me how the intensity of these emotions lessens immediately once we allow ourselves the space to express it. Without judgment. Then show gratitude for what you do have and feed the things in your world that bring you joy.

Jealousy does not make you evil. It does not make you a monster. It doesn’t mean you are cursed. It doesn’t make you all darkness. It makes you a perfectly divine soul just living out your journey in this human experience. Just like the rest of us.

Go easy on yourself.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

Re-Framing Change

Change is inevitable. There is no moment just like the one that is happening right now. You will never be the same age as you are right this second. Life is constantly evolving. This we know. So why do we so often resist change as if it is our enemy?

I heard an interesting summary about energy and change lately that really stuck with me. I was listening to a blockage clearing workshop by Christie Marie Sheldon and as with a lot she says, it is the way she says it that seems to just get through to me.

We (humans) are just a mass of energy; vibrating molecules constantly in a state of change…So when we get stuck, when we resist change – just IMAGINE how much energy that takes to try and fight against the natural state. The natural state of constant change.

Yet here we are, fixed in our minds, fixed in our beliefs, fixed in our actions and fixed in our day to day routines and programming that we are conditioned to believe is the only way to live our lives. Many of us are now awakened to the notion that we are not fulfilled in the lives we are leading. But most of us want a quick fix and seek these short term solutions or bold promises of inner peace, a life of abundance and change in “x” amount of time. And then when they don’t work – FAST – we give up hope and go back to the old way. The conditioned way. But what if we re-framed the way we look at the concept of change. What if we appreciated that we are in fact innately wired to go with the flow. That it is purely environmental conditioning that has lead us to consider otherwise.

This road to finding self is by far and away the most important thing a soul (human) can do in order to make a true difference in this world. In saying that; it can be confusing. It can be overwhelming. It can be frustrating. It can be uninviting. It can be full of bullshit and assholes. It can be misguided. It can be very far from the nurturing, open, accepting, growing, peaceful journey it is made out to be.

Then throw in our own inner shit on top and no wonder many of us run back to retreat in what was.

Change can be big. Change can seem scary. But this is how I am re-framing the concept of change in order to show people they are kicking goals on a daily basis. Even if you don’t feel like it.

INTENTION. DIRECTION. BELIEF. ACTION. Whilst all parts reflect upon each other, this is how I have documented the process occurring. With each step giving you a great step to both reflect on and launch from.

You see as soon as you set an INTENTION to change, as soon as life pushes you to the point where you no longer want to deal with things the way that they are; all the nuggets of gold you need to walk through to get from where you are to where you want to be will become apparent. An intent to change is in fact change. As it is a different way of thinking for you. Acknowledge that. Celebrate that.

This INTENTION will immediately put you into a DIRECTION as you seek to find the right pathway for you. Although this can seem overwhelming at times as you sift through the copies amounts of information available to us in this day and age, when the intent is strong enough and further change is what is best for you at this given moment at some point something will jump out at you. It will resonate. Even if it is for the short term. Celebrate it. Being open minded for new information is change!

When we find a DIRECTION in an area we are seeking solutions and answers and comfort in and it resonates with us on a deep and meaningful level, we begin to allow ourselves to open up to all the possibilities this new way of living can bring. Thus we allow our BELIEF structures to be more flexible in order to align with this new found direction. Getting to the core of beliefs can be a life time of work as they often have many layers, but this doesn’t mean don’t celebrate the opening and flexibility and breaking down of these beliefs that no longer serve our soul.

The inspiration we allow ourselves to feel if we embrace the previous elements, will without question lead to further ACTION. As we seek to learn, feel, experience and grow more into this new awareness and knowing. All the while facilitating all these elements of change.

The key here, is to celebrate every element. It doesn’t have to be that you have to get to exactly where you want to be immediately. Celebrate the journey along the way. And don’t let the little hiccups or apparent lack of big victories to dishearten you and keep you stuck in what was.

Because change is a constant. So save yourself a lot of time, energy and drama and just go with the flow. Your flow.

I’ll be here to facilitate you all the way http://www.soulboundtm.com

Love and light, Michelle

 

Meditation For The Real World

Meditation. Commonly discussed. Becoming more commonly practiced. Many have tried it. But how many have stuck with it? How many of us in Western society find or make the time to make this a daily feature of our lives?

These days we are as a society becoming more aware of the benefits of such practices. In the go go go nature of our daily lives the need to “come home”  “check in” and “centre” ourselves has become increasingly understood, important and necessary.

We know this. But how may of us are actively doing it?

I know I have been guilty of this. I get new information. I immerse myself. I love it. I see the benefits. And then I drop off. I think, “I’m doing so well, I don’t need to do this as often or as diligently anymore”. I know I am not alone. It is human nature and I have seen it time and time again. We see the benefits, we think we are masters and all is fixed and good in our world again so we give ourselves permission to slack off. And I am not just talking about meditation. We do it with so many things that are good for us but take time and commitment to maintain.

How many of us have gym memberships we start out hounding and then before you know it, it drops off and then all of a sudden it is just another expense we pay for without needing to, but cancelling it would make us acknowledge the fact we are lying to ourselves and haven’t actually been inside the premises for many months. Health retreats are also big business these days. And they are wonderful educational amazing experiences don’t get me wrong. I have been blessed with going to some of the best in the Southern Hemisphere. And I always learn a heap, reconnect with myself, feel amazing and grow from the experience. But after a couple of weeks back home many of the new found lessons have fallen by the wayside as every day life again takes hold.

Change takes time and diligence. Not a weekend seminar. Not a week long retreat. Yes they are brilliant for the mind, body and soul and to reconnect with self but how many things to we keep for the long haul? After the initial false empowerment and perceived change how many of us actually make fundamental life long shifts?

I ask this often. As I slowly implement self love and growth into my daily life I am constantly seeking things that allow me to connect to that side of myself as well as being able to take part in my day to day activities and society as a whole.

It is all well to be zen in a zen place. Bringing it into your daily life is a whole other ball game. That is why I believe what I decided to do this weekend was a game changer.

Guys, I had an insanely eye opening experience this weekend that I think is going to really aid in changing the face of the often seemingly illusive goal of achieving majorly zen meditation sessions. The course – called CBM (Core Body Mind) Mediation was created and run by Jeremy O’Carroll founder of Om Reiki here in Melbourne, Australia.

Rather than me trying to deliver what it entails I will leave it to the expert. Heres a clip of his explanation of the concepts behind the theory and development and some of the methods he introduces.

As for my experience…

It delivered. I mean again I could be all wrapped up in the newness of it. But it really doesn’t feel like that. And I have been around the block a fair few times with short courses and workshops etc and I have jumped on a fair few bandwagons. But this is doable. Its practical. The benefits are obvious and immediate and you can easily slowly build the momentum incrementally without feeling like you are missing out on other things in your life you either want or need to do. You integrate this method into your day! That is the beauty of it. You are not sitting solo in a far away place away from everything and everyone you have ever known (which at times can feel like it would be heaven lol – but not practical for most).

Accessible, practical spirituality. That is totally a game changer in my opinion.

Hope it resonates with you and if you want any further information or details don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Love and light, Michelle xx

http://www.soulboundtm.com

 

Connecting With Connection

Connection. The premise behind everything I do. The reason for me creating this blog. Creating SoulBound. My growth journey.

Although as a fellow human, I still have my own ongoing work around this concept; this word “connection” brings up such an emotive energetic and bodily response for me every time.

I realise to others I am not always the easiest of people to work out. I can appear to be overly complicated. Highly emotional. Contradictory is also a term I have been told. As I unravel my experience and work out what makes me tick and ride the waves I can understand how this would be others perceptions. And that is honestly perfectly ok. I no longer need or want to be everyone’s cup of tea. An affirmation of late: What others think of me is none of my business.

But everyone wants to fit in somewhere. Everyone wants to be a part of something. Every single person wants to be loved. Understood. Cared for. Needed. Wanted. Involved. Connected. Everyone.

I have not always felt this way in life. In fact even though I am loud, friendly, emotional, open and social on the surface, I often have felt a huge disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. Even as I have embarked on this journey of self discovering, I have encountered many many situations in which I have not felt a part of this spiritual world.

This is what I seek to bring. I don’t think you need to (nor do I care if you do) wear all hemp products, be vegan, only be positive, be into crystals and oracle cards, do yoga, etc etc. All the cliches of the spiritual realm. I want to encourage people to throw them out the window. Some of these things I do love. Some I may grow to love. My point is it doesn’t matter. You are enough and worthy of connection just as you are.

The absolute LAST thing anyone who embarks on finding out what makes them tick is to feel not a part of the possibilities such enlightenment can bring. What I am saying is eat your kale chips and practice your meditation but don’t judge others for not doing that. Its their journey. And I believe as an “enlightened” individual; one would be aware of that and spread love always. Regardless of preferences. Allow others into your world. Share your knowledge. As the end goal is that we all come together and help to create a better world, so lets be open and receiving to the oneness that that brings.

I walked into a local spiritual shop today and although I am starting to feel a lot more at home in this space, I have often wondered why it is that these type of shops always have that very similar sort of style or look to them. Very busy, yet simplistic. The chakra posters on the wall. The crystal cabinets. The ornaments. The music. The burning incense. The room in the back for the personalised readings. The ornaments are often ethereal or childlike and the concept almost appears so far from our actual outside realities that it can seem a little far fetched. And I do wonder if that is part of the reason why the skeptics find this so hard to embrace. Yet as I am slowly learning more and more I am realising that there is indeed a reason for all of it. It is no coincidence that the idea is to pull you into that nurturing, calming, imaginative, ethereal, childlike experience and get you to look at those parts of yourself. As it is often in that period of our time in our body that we abandon honouring ourselves in order to be a part of our external experience. An almost false sense of connection if you will. Or connecting with ego over soul.

Despite that I still think it would not hurt to change it up a bit. Make it all more accessible for all walks of life. And this in lies part of my vision for my future. I want to bring connection into my life and the lives of others. And the two key things I feel my direction and the lessons I will share with others will take is

  1. Primarily connection will come from within. Knowing, but more importantly FEELING this connection within you is in my opinion the primary step. It will be a lifelong journey with ups and downs but there comes a point in the growth journey where you start to turn to yourself. Once you are comfortable in that space with yourself you will only feel secure in your choices about how, who and what to let in. This will disable the fear aspects because you will feel confident in trusting your own inner wisdom to guide you to make these often seemingly quite large life decisions.
  2. Vulnerability. This is a tricky one for many of us. And it will be fluid with the above concept as it will guide the lessons and it’s outcomes. But there is such a HUGE power in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. This will flow easily when the above internal connection is present but in the mean time, fear of letting down our walls can often take over. How many of us in our day to day lives know we are going into multiple situations in love, life and work not showing our authentic selves. When we allow fear to take over it becomes an emotive response. So in times like this it can be beneficial to switch to the rational brain to gain or access knowledge and perspective. This particular TED talk is gold in relation to this exact topic and showed up in my world six years ago through a psychology class. Funnily enough this exact talk has been brought to my attention multiple times over the years since by different sources. If you haven’t seen it or any of Brene Browns work, I HIGHLY recommend you get amongst it.

I am only just bringing to light the depth of my own fears around being vulnerable. For as I connect further inward I am now making the right choices about who I surround myself with. The people who show me so much love, care, information and tools for growth that I am beyond excited to be able to pass this learning and experience onto others.

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are WORTHY of love and belonging” ~ Brene Brown

Love and light always,

Michelle xxx