It was just one of those weeks….Coming into the new moon and possibly not having all my ducks in a row, I started to get battered.
A few weeks ago I mentioned there was about to be a big change. Well it all sort of fell in a heap this week. Or so it seems. Lack of communication leads me to believe that. An opportunity for some big change didn’t come my way despite all signs pointing to the fact it would. Never mind. Wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t lose anything by putting myself out there. I just gained an experience.
Add to that, I am still grieving the loss of that special someone. Definitely honestly my biggest hurt. Then I had a BIG unexpected financial issue. Old ex in-law family stuff came ringing my phone. The old ex started his in your face public displays of affection with his new early 20 something and I cut my finger on a sauce bottle, almost knocked myself out and got an egg head from walking into a fridge door at work and lost one of my new beautiful birthday gifts. Needless to say I was feeling a little hard done by.
Practice what I preach right!? Gratitude and acceptance and letting go. Well yes, that would be the obvious thing to do but as I also say; you can’t force someone to change if they are not willing to look at it truthfully.
In saying that sometimes the universe has other plans. It is my belief in those times of your life where everything seems to be stacking up against you; as big or as minor/annoying as these things might be, it is the universe trying to tell you something. And being that the universe/god/energy/source is the higher power, it knows best. So even when us down here on Earth in our little human, ego bodies try to ignore the signs, the universe goes “Awww isn’t that cute” and ramps it all up a notch. As we like to call it in Consciousness Coaching “stacking the pain”.
We as humans are wired to avoid pain more than we look to seek pleasure. So even if we know on a deep level something is better for our true self, but the ego is screaming out in fear, we will choose the path of least resistance and go with what we know. The old way. The way we’ve been conditioned since birth. We plod along in that mode until its our turn and a series of things or something big happens that we just can’t ignore. Then it is up to us how quickly we take the bait. Do we keep on trying to act out the old way because -DAMN IT – it always worked before (even though you know truthfully it didn’t or there wouldn’t be pain) or do you lean into the fear and allow true change to take shape. Something that is more aligned to your true wants, wishes, purpose and desires?
I still ebb and flow… even once awake, majority of us do. There are so many layers. But I do feel this series of events and annoyances and injuries this week was the universe stacking my pain. Making my norm more uncomfortable as it is time for me to move on from here to bigger and better things. Now I just need to open myself up to it and allow.
So lets work back through this systematically shall we.
- The birthday gift. Possibly a heartbreaking reminder to take more care. Slow down. Appreciate the little things. I actually thought to myself when I put it on – it was a bracelet – that I didn’t know if I clipped it right. But I was in a rush so instead of checking I winged it. And now I pay the price:( Lucky I’m not an aeroplane engineer. LESSON: Slow the fuck down, pay attention to the things that matter. It was sentimental and now it is gone because I was careless.
- The egg on my head from the fridge. Well honestly I was distracted by hot chips, which I still managed to eat even when I was on the floor holding my head. But again LESSON: Slow the fuck down. I was snacking on hot chips because I never break at work and stop to look after myself. Most days I don’t eat lunch. I am too busy trying to please everyone else I forget about myself. I matter too!
- The cut from a sauce bottle lid. I mean does an injury get any more lame than that? LESSON: As above. Slow down. Pay attention.
- Stalking exes profile on Facebook to find photos and over the top displays of affection to the new target. I say target as I know this is his cycle and my rational self understands the psychology behind it. My emotional self did not. I was essentially aiding the universe in the whole stacking the pain process here. I went into why does he get to be happy blahblahblah……. Everyone deserves to be happy. Even him. LESSON: Pay attention! But not to others. To myself! My self worth was low. As it has been my whole life up until I recently started fighting for it. This was my old ways looking to make a reappearance. BE VIGILANT!
- Ex in-law money issue coming up. Sent me into resentment, anger, abandonment and jealousy. Didn’t love writing those things about myself but hey like I said I believe in order to make change you need to be 100% honest. And I felt all of those feelings in a very strong way. But when I can rationalise it, these events around the financial side of things have occurred in cycles multiple times. I need to look into it. LESSON: Pay attention! (I know you can see the theme here!) Slow down. Look at it. Really look into it. The thoughts, feelings and emotions behind it. Give myself a true opportunity to work through it, heal it and let go of it so I can move forwards for good.
- Another money blip. Relates to the above. I am attempting to better myself in this area of my life but seemingly I still have a lot to learn. This was a frustrating hiccup. LESSON: As above. Slow the fuck down and pay attention. I am more than capable but I need to allow myself to succeed. Stop the self sabotage.
But as I was driving back tonight after having to run the kids around to do something to deal with my just mentioned error, I was beyond frustrated. They were both talking at me and I was just completely zoned out. Ethan grabbed my phone and put on a song. I am amazing at visualising. I can create an entire alternate reality in my mind and FEEL like I am in it. It is definitely my creative super power. And as the song started to play I took myself to this place. This place where I am truly aligned to my soul. I am living out my purpose and I am at piece with all of the parts of me.
I turned to Ethan and I said “It has to be me. If I want this, if I truly want this, then I have to get up and do it. I know I don’t want the struggle anymore. Im done! Im done! I want it all out!”
I was starting to yell. He’s used to me. He had a big grin on his face and he said “THEN YELL IT OUT!” “SCREAM!”
So we did. We all wound down the windows and really let go. Like totally went for it. We yelled and screamed and sang and laughed. And it felt really bloody cathartic. My heart was bursting after that. What a beautiful thing for him to encourage me to do. And we all felt better for it. I always say better out than in. But I don’t always practice it.
The words….it really connected. As I always say music is amazing for that. I was in my aligned future and these were the words playing…The old me doubting, scared, resisting and the new me nurturing those fearful parts of me and leading me into the dream. My future. Telling me I am everything I need to be. Hope it can take you away to your place of soul too.
If you can dream it, you can do it.
Love and light,