Act As If

Hands up who has heard of the phrase “act as if”. Often cited in the words of manifesting guides and the “Law of Attraction” and other such methods of attracting abundance and creating the life you truly desire.

“Act as if” basically requires one to live, breathe and believe they are creating the life and future they truly want to experience.

So where is the line you ask,  between allowing yourself to go there and visualise this alternate future reality and just being downright delusional? Or is there even a line?

There is so much to be said for the way children go about “make believe”. They dive in with such curiosity and feeling that they go to that place in which the game they are immersed in, does for that moment in time, become their reality. Like those weeks in which my son would predominantly act as if he were a cat, purring and meowing at everything I said or did. Or those months in which my daughter would only go by the name “Rainbow Dash Sparkle Glitter Princess” To them that place they created for themselves was more enjoyable than their other reality options so they chose to stay in the one that brought them joy. This makes a crap load of sense to me. Kids are smart.

So although as adults it is necessary to have a firm grasp on the realities that provide us the basics like shelter, food, clothing and money – many of us are opening the peripheries  to this kind of mindset training. Awesome! BUT… how quickly we give up hope when that 1k, or that new car, or that dream boyfriend, we asked for doesn’t show up near on immediately.

We get disheartened so easily from the process. If we don’t get quick results how do we know it is even working. And then it just becomes another thing we are giving our time and energy to and getting seemingly nowhere.

But this is where the true gold lies. Ok so if were honest most of us go into manifesting with some material goal in mind. We want more money. Or a home. Or a new wardrobe. Or a holiday etc etc… Because when we get these things we will be happy right? Right? Hmmmmmmm…… will you? Only you can truly answer that.

The thing is though – if 2/3 of you is going into goal reaching and manifesting with the right intentions but there is still 1/3 of you that is voicing the opposite can you see how confusing the message can be? Even 1/8 of you not believing will slow the process down.

FRUSTURATING RIGHT! Ha! I know. And this is where I see it to be all backward. So many of these mindsets are marketed at the influx of material items. Now please don’t get me wrong. Financial freedom and material items are great! I love money, experiences nice clothes and holidays. And it is 1000000000% normal and ok to want for it. But what is the 1/3 or 1/8 of you that doesn’t believe you can truly live the life you want to actually saying. Why is it that you actually feel like you do not have that capacity within you to get all the things you want in life?

I bet its not saying “a holiday a year is a bit excessive don’t you think” or “enough money to pay you bills comfortably is selfish”  It all comes back to how we view ourselves in the world. Our self love and knowledge that we are indeed WORTHY! This is it. That simple. And it will reverberate into every aspect of your being.

So this is why the “act as if” phrase to me is a beautiful piece of wisdom. Unlock that inner child in you. The one that knows how to make believe and go into that space in which you are the superhero of your own existence. Or the cat or princess. Hey everyones dream is different;) Really access that space within you that is carefree and creative and play with the vision. Allow it to wash over you. FEEL it. Anchor it in to the cells in your body. Allow it to be your reality.

Then that feeling. That pulsing or warmth or lightness or buzzing or whatever it is that you feel in you; FOLLOW IT. Use that as your guide to make every decision in your life. Following the vibrational energy you want to become. Create the energetic vibration and then live it every day. It truly is this simple. But no-one ever said it was going to be easy.

Show up every day. Love yourself first. Bring out that inner child and celebrate all that you already have.

The rest will come… then before you know it, you’re no longer acting.

Love and light, Michelle xx

 

Direction

I crack me up. I have had some time over the last few days to reflect on the year that was and whats to come and for the first time ever, I read back through this whole blog. Wow, I have come such a long way in such a short time. The bit that made me laugh was how obvious the cycle of my repeating thought patterns is. And that last one where I was all like “ I will rise to the challenge of going home and facing certain dynamics and reactions” …Yeah that didn’t play out quite the way I had imagined.

In some ways being on the other side of the country to everyone from my past has it’s benefits. I am not consistently put into situations that make me face what was. However, when you do go back, boy oh boy does that shit feel AMPLIFIED. Particularly when you are making such massive shifts and you all have to figure out the new dance steps. Don’t get me wrong, my family were amazing and I am so happy I got to spend time with them but it brought everything to the forefront of my mind. My conscious state is at a level of awareness that my brain has decided now is the time to deal and heal.

My therapist explained this phenomenon to me in regard to my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When she first got me to open up regarding some of the painful past experiences, namely the physical, sexual and emotional abuse, my body could not cope and it was like an out of body experience. I shut down. I couldn’t focus on her or what she was saying or to stop myself bawling and shaking. It was quite frightening. Because I was accessing memories that I had repressed. I needed to repress at the time as I wasn’t ready to deal. I was in survival mode. But bringing it all back in that moment, my mind believed it was happening again and I couldn’t cope. This was some months ago and slowly I am able to breathe and talk some of it through. Very slowly. Some sessions I go in and talk about other things as my conscious state at that moment in time is not in a place to release the trauma. Bless her heart she just allows it. An amazing therapist, she knows when to prod and when to allow me to go.

So knowing where I am right now in my healing process, I decided before I left I was going to do a little self healing whist I was there. I wanted to bring things to the surface to look at, feel, and essentially when the time is right – let go for good. Namely, confront some places that I had tried to pretend no longer existed. There were three places I felt I had to go. One was the site where I lost someone dear to me. Loss and abandonment are big triggers for negative thinking for me. One was a house in which my first long term boyfriend had broken my spirit and trust in him for the first time – and many times after that – and the last was a place where a majority of the sexual abuse occurred. I couldn’t quite bring myself to go there directly so I sat on the beach below and meditated.

After some time, I opened my eyes to watch the waves crashing on the rock face. Every set got bigger and as the salt water sprayed my face and body, I imagined that all the sadness and pain was being washed away. I know the fear and sadness is still there but it is time to deal with it head on now. I often speak like it happened to someone else. Or preface everything with a “but I’m fine” or whatever. Truth is, I feel like I am only truly dealing with it all now. And it will take time. But I am here for me now like never before.

So then I looked up the beach. I spent many many days of my life hanging on this very beach. I could see my high school. Great memories for the days when I attended. Best canteen food ever! I could see where I was taken to the police station for wagging and drinking on the last day of year nine. (Funny in hindsight – well even at the time except to my parents). I could see where my friends and I would go skinny dipping. I could see where my friend had her beautiful wedding photos taken. I remembered how my friends and I would spend hours just lazying around, riding our pushies, swimming, gossiping, walking from party to party and just being teenage girls experiencing life together. These are the type of memories I want to focus on when I think of this spot. Where my focus goes, energy flows.

So I decided to spend New Years on my own this year. Bit of a self challenge I guess. But I wanted to wake up fresh and clear. Exercise and look after me and my inner child. She has been at the forefront of everything I am doing now. So as the clock past midnight, I lay in bed. And I began to speak to my little Michelle. I may sound crazy but it all seemed really normal. I apologised for not being there for her. For abandoning her when she needed me most. For masking her pain and fear with drugs and parties and silly dramas just to avoid what I really needed to look at. And from somewhere deep inside me two fat tears welled up and ran down my face. She needed to know that. And we both felt a great sense of relief.

So even though already 2017 hasn’t been smooth sailing – I lost my bank cards (worst time of year to do that), locked myself out of my house and seem to have a bit of a cold – I remain in the state of mind that this year can be nothing but an improvement on the past. As I am here for me. And I am already setting it up as a year to remember. I am taking MASSIVE IMPERFECT ACTION and launching my website. Well as soon as the ban gets lifted from my domain because I forgot to verify it. HAHAHAHA me and technology. We are slowly building a relationship but it’s a slow journey. But it’s ready to go and will be up in the next 24-36 hours according to WHOIS.

So as I sat here writing this blog. I decided to pull me an Oracle Card surrounding my next step. The website. I pulled DIRECTION. This is what it meant.

DIRECTION: Life’s Path / Moving Forward / A New Approach

Everyone feels foggy, lost or stuck at some point in their life. Hitting a crossroads can be confusing. This card reminds you that the path you are on is the right one. There is something positive and new on the horizon even if you can’t see it yet. You are divinely guided to move forward with a situation – even if it means taking a new approach concerning one aspect of your life. Trust that you are where you are meant to be on life’s path.

And trust I do.

Love and light
Much love, Michelle xx