The Passion Path: Don’t Forget Your Why…

The Why… The reason that brought you to where you are. That feeling in your heart. In your gut. In your entire being. It makes your heart swell and your eyes dilate and the emotions wash over you like your whole body is filled with this sense of knowing. The sense that this is why you are here. This is what you what were made for. You know regardless of any logic or reasoning; that you are doing precisely what you were created to do.

If you are blessed enough to be one of those who has found your passion in life …. that thing, that someone, that experience, or that place, group or hobby – you know that nothing compares. Nothing can light you up the way that this does. It pumps through your veins and fills you with life affirming energy that spills out into everything you do.

Choosing this life – the passion path – is such an honour. Once you see it; no, once you feel it, it’s like you don’t have an option. It has called upon you. It has shown you the way from existing to living. This is a place there is no coming back from. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. The life you led before seemed to exist in a parallel universe. To another person, in another time. When you choose the passion path you are reborn. You’re awake. Alive. Fulfilled.

This path is simple to choose. But this path is not easy. It takes your all. Your full heart. Everything is amplified. You feel everything so intensely. You experience in technicolour. Your sensations are heightened. Your pleasure centres full. You breathe in its intensity and exude out its light and essence.

But when you truly give something your all, when you invest all that time, that energy, that power, that force, THAT LOVE… When you have this passion ignited inside of you, it also has the times where it’s beautiful intensity is what burns. It can be your unravelling. It can be your pain. Your breaking point. Your undoing.

The passion path is beautiful. It is for the courageous. It is for the inspired. The living. So when it is not going as you hoped, not as you had dreamed; Remember that along with the sheer wonder and beauty that this passion brings, it would not be so without it’s ability to scold you at times. It’s wondrous intensity goes both ways.

And in these times when your passion breaks you down; in this time when you lose your centre and understanding of how you came to be on this path. When all your sensations are overloaded and the senses are blurred –  this is when you go back to your WHY…Why you chose a life of living over a life of existing.

And allow it to ignite you over and over again.

Love always, Michelle xx

PS This passage was inspired by my father. Growing up, I could never understand why my father made many decisions that he did. Why he chose to spend all his time on the land with his cattle. Why he invested all of his time, energy and money into this part of his world that not only did I not really appreciate, I felt took away from his time with me. Over the years I resented this. I took it to mean I was not loved or important. I created my own set of beliefs around how this placed me in the world.

But now as I unravel all of my limiting beliefs and fearful perceptions and heal my relationship with myself and hence those around me, I can really see this for what it is. The most amazing gift my Dad could have given me. The understanding of passion and devotion to the parts of your world that light you up. That thing or person, that no matter how anyone else sees or experiences it – it doesn’t matter. It brings you joy, growth and understanding of your place in this world.

So thank you Dad for inspiring me to live my life with passion. To go for it when no one else gets it. Thank you for showing me that no matter how hard it appears to get, that without passion igniting my world, I would be purely existing. Not living.

Thank you for showing me what it takes to believe in myself despite all the odds and how to rise up again and again. Thank you for showing me how to love.

I love you. Happy Fathers Day.

Michelle xxx

 

 

Speaking My Truth

This week I feel like a bit of a raging banshee … I was telling people off left right and centre. Calling people out on anything and everything and at the same time buried inside my seemingly never ending stream of thought. One of the girls I work with even walked up to me on Wednesday and just from nowhere goes “just LET IT GO!” and turned on her heel and walked back off. I just stood there for a second a bit shocked but then called out after her ..”yeah you’re spot on!”

You see I’m usually quiet sweet and a little cheeky and sarcastic but at the same time on the rare (although becoming less so) occasion when I call you out, I’m not joking. I feel it’s a right of passage with people who care about each other and I always take it when it comes back at me. It’s mutual respect. A way we can grow together. If we both chose.

So the first call out came on Sunday after an uncomfortable experience for me on a recent night out. The second at work after some discouraging comments were made and some unsupportive behaviour occured re: my new career direction. But these were all pretty quickly discussed and smoothed over. Everyone was willing to listen to each other’s point of view.

But, with the full moon on Thursday this energy in me PEAKED!!! My day was fine. Quite uneventful in fact. But as it drew to a close and I went to get my babies off their Dad after not seeing them for 2 weeks, one comment from him was all it took for the tide to turn. And no it’s NOT that time of the month. You’d think 2 kids, 2 step kids and 3 serious relationships later he would know better than to think that was the smart thing to say in response to my snapping. Well clearly he didn’t. So when I got the suitcase home and he had put two kids runners full of beach sand on top of all the clothes boy did he cop an abrupt text!

Honestly and not shockingly it had nothing to do with the shoes. Their dad and I are good a majority of the time. In fact our relationship is better now than it’s ever been. Together or apart. So I had to look at why he had set me off. But before I could get to that place of reflection, I wandered into my daughters room to see a friend I had previously let stay who I hadn’t heard from since she left and was pretty upset about, had seemingly been and grabbed some of her stuff whilst I was out with the spare key she still hadn’t given back.

I saw red. It’s such a trigger for me now. To me and where I’m at it is just complete and utter complacency and disrespect for the boundaries I am strongly asserting around myself. Or as I kept writing to everyone NOT OK. And just because I was on the bandwagon my ex copped an earful too about waiting 10 days to get back to me re: a lock code when I locked myself out on New Years Day. Turned out it was an honest mistake and I overstepped the mark. But I was on a roll….

Now I know ideally, I would gather myself figure out exactly what is going on inside and then calmly tell the other party what I need to say. But I didn’t. To me the world was throwing me triggers left right and centre and with everything I’m going through healing wise I am happy I’m learning to stand up for myself. I’m taking my own advice from posts past to not demonise these emotions I am feeling. And the interesting part to me is the ones who love me really, even if they’re on the receiving end are encouraging me to do just that. Speak my truth.

Just last week I acquired and workshopped a new tool in my soul coaching journey. Boundaries and Speaking Your Truth were two of the 12 dimensions. They all play off of each other. Just like life. Just like the complex human form. We have so many elements to our psyche and they are all affected by one another. I could establish boundaries but in order to maintain them I am having to learn to speak my truth. Ideally calmly and assertively. But as with any new skill, no one masters it straight off the bat. So when I perceived earlier that afternoon that baby daddy was pushing my boundaries on flexibility with the kids routine, my defences flew out of my mouth like a fighter jet at war. Further evidence that anyone’s reaction to anything is purely a window into exactly where they are at in themselves at that point in time. Because honestly, what he said wasn’t even that bad now I have had time to digest it.

However, in that moment it triggered my fight or flight. And once I decided to step in the ring I wasn’t leaving it at one opponent. Nope. It takes me a fair bit to get to that place but when I’m there I’m IN it. But you have to understand that in my perception the reason so much of the past abuse has occurred is purely down to my lack of boundaries. Now I have worked so hard to establish those, you threaten them and I essentially feel like you are threatening my survival. And particularly when you’re in your stuff, perception is a funny thing.

So what broke it? It was actually my ex. He diffused me. Acknowledged me, apologised, explained and then made me giggle because he asked me to stop yelling even though it was all via text message. But what I guess I am grateful for was the respect he showed in that moment for my speaking my truth to maintain the integrity of the boundaries I had created between us. Even though I didn’t go about it in the most appropriate way (hence the stop yelling lol) he got it. And if you read this… thank you.

What’s my point? There are so many in this I don’t know what to pin point.

– Go easy on yourself. Your reactions are necessary. But always reflect on your behaviour and feelings. Try to pin point the beliefs behind them.

-Go easy on others. Don’t personalise their reactions to make it your issue. Tell them you love them and you hear them and their feelings are valid. Or just walk away and let it go. It’s not your stuff.

-There is no way the moon cycles do not affect us. No way.

-Those that are supposed to be in your life, in whatever way they are supposed to be in your life, will be.

-I am me. I’m doing the best I can with what I know. I’m proud of where I am at and I won’t apologise for my journey.

And nor should you. And there is always right now to make the choice to be happy, or try again, or let it out, or just BE. No pressure, just loads of self love.

Much love, Michelle xx

We All Quake

Music is life. So many of my favourite and most imprinted memories have strong ties to a song or soundtrack. It is amazing how you can be anywhere, at any stage in your life, and a song will come on and it transports you right back to that event, that kiss, that night, that concert. Whatever it was. Whoever I was with. For a couple of minutes, it’s like I never left. I get lost in it. Especially a great love song or ballad. Just ask the guy who busted me in my car the other day.

A few blocks from home, waiting at the lights, I was full blown belting it out. Sexy Love by Neyo. Tune. And his dance moves … WOW! Anyway, I am talking eyes closed, one fist on the heart, one hand up in the air; yeah – really going for it. I opened my eyes to see if the lights were green but instead caught the eyes of a bystander. Instantly I was fire engine red. I am definitely a blusher and on top of him catching me out, he was adorable! And applauding and yelling out not to stop. Let me tell you, that was the LONGEST red light of my life.

Anyway, also the longest introduction ever! My point was going to be, that this week I will post this from my Mum and Dads house in sunny Western Australia and for that I am BEYOND grateful. A trip home was long overdue. And that every year before I head home, this tune magically or ironically starts coming up in my life. In the shops, on the radio, in movies. I love little things like this about life:)

Coming home this year has brought up a lot for me. I am in such a better place than this time last year. I have beautiful people in my life. I have my health. Two happy children and multiple exciting career opportunities. There is so many exciting things I get to share with all my loved ones back home. But there is also part of me that is a little bit nervous. And I am trying to work out why.

I really blew the lid off life in the last two years. All my stuff culminated into a series of pretty major events. I piled a life time of drama and growth into it and I am so proud of myself for where I have got to. For what I have overcome. But now that I am out the other side and coherent and no longer timid and fragile, I am pretty sure the questions are going to fly. Basically Michelle, ‘What the f**k happened!?’ And now as my new always, I will be honest and tell. These days, I am happy to share my story. It helps me be true and honest with myself and grow. If it helps others to share or learn some lessons too then that’s a massive extra bonus.

Hmmm. So It’s not that.

Maybe I am nervous that being back in that environment will test my growth. Most of our life lessons come from responses, dynamics and reactions we create in that early environment. No one can push your buttons like family after all. But no, that didn’t resonate either. I rise to a challenge and I love my family even when they drive me nuts. The tests will be beneficial for me. Help me to rectify any dynamics and responses that no longer serve me. And you can’t go backwards. Once you shift your awareness, your eyes are open. And even though going back to ignorance can sometimes seem like the easier option, your soul will eventually and always seek the truth.

So what is it this time, I keep trying to work out. And then I remembered another big part of my old life that I miss very much. My first spiritual teacher. Just like the timely playing of my going home track, his name randomly popped up on my LinkedIn account earlier this week and I got very nostalgic. An amazing man that I partially owe my awakening to. And even though at that stage of my life I wasn’t entirely ready to take on the teachings on a soul level, many of his words still permeate my thoughts. And some of those words were; ‘Every one of us quakes at the door’ (of release and change). Regardless of status, age, gender, occupation, culture, whatever; we all have fear arise when the opportunity of change presents itself and we’re at a high enough level of consciousness in which we can choose to walk through the shift.

And as that popped into my mind I realised I was nervous as I am trying to intellectualise the situation. By focusing on what may or may not happen? Will I still fit in? Will they get me? Will they be proud of me? Blah blah blah. And as I wrote that, another lightbulb. Within those three questions that I just wrote… In lies my deepest fears. Will I be part of it? Am I enough? Amazing! I just schooled myself right there:)

And it is in this journey now that I realise the true meaning of the next thing he used to say as someone would walk through the lens of fear and embrace change and growth…

‘Thank you for your time. Thank you for your trust. Thank you for your courage.’

For stepping through the door of change takes great courage, trust and diligence. But it is in taking that leap that the true wonders of life lie. In the little things. And as I sit here on the plane home, I glance to my left and see my amazing son watching in awe at a nature documentary. To my right, my beautiful daughter cackling away to a Tom and Jerry classic. And I know in my heart, how wondrous life is and how unbelievably blessed I am.

Breathe in your blessings this festive period. There is always something to be grateful for. Appreciate it. As change is inevitable. Make it easier on yourself by embracing the journey. Stop kicking and screaming. Be a part of it. Acknowledge your fears but don’t let them rule you.

Live the life you want. Live the life you deserve.

Much love, Michelle xxx