Signs, Lessons and Roundabouts

Life is grand… everything is going along exactly as I had hoped and planned. I am kicking goals and ticking boxes left, right and centre. It has been so much growth in such a short time, and this week I stepped it up a notch again. I signed with a mentor that will push me and help me fill the gaps in my business knowledge. I was asked to join a social therapy group team and I ran my first solo workshop.

However in the back of my mind, I am acutely aware at this point in time I am scared, no TERRIFIED, of my greatness.

I see an amazing Kinesiologist. One of my many mentors and teachers. She came to see me as a client and had a great session but what she said to me after resonated as I knew it was the truth. She commented that she could FEEL I was shielding some of my light. Like I was holding back. Not completely stepping into my power. A theme that has run through my life.

Up until recently I, like many, was comfortable living in victim mentality. Where life just happens to us and we really don’t have any control over our outer circumstances and how we think and behave. But lately it hasn’t been enough for me anymore and I have thrown myself into life where I am creating the reality that lights me up.

That being said, the rest of your life, patterns and experiences don’t just disappear and today it all welled up. All the what ifs. What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? What if I succeed but nobody I love is ok with my new life? Why is it so hard for me? Why does everyone else seem to get it easy?

It is amazing the bullshit that we throw into the mix when we are bashing ourselves up.

So reluctantly, I took myself out of the house to go to a coffee date I had organised many weeks ago. My first ever client, now friend, that was my guinea pig for my Super Soul Sessions. Two seconds in she could see I wasn’t myself and honestly I wasn’t doing a great job of pretending otherwise. Despite the fact we are now friends, I still put all these expectations on myself as to how I “should” behave in front of her.

But I was in it and as unbelievably uncomfortable as it made me, the self proclaimed “fixer” in the dynamic, I wasn’t in a space to pull myself up. So she whisked me out the cafe door to go and find nature.

As we walked along and she made small talk as I gave nothing back, she stopped and began to chuckle. I looked up. “You’re fucking kidding me!” I proclaimed.

There right in the window of a random store on the side of the road was a giant rug. In coloured writing it simply said “Open Up Your Heart”.  “Well I have to say, you always get such clear signs from the universe Michelle” she said.

Well that was it. I began to cry. We walked a little further until my tears turned into sobs and I sat myself down on a tram stop bench. She sat next to me as I lent over and cried on her shoulder.

We sat in silence for a bit. Then as if I was sitting with Yoda, she began to speak.

“You know your intuition is quite remarkable Michelle. You sat yourself down in front of a building site. Look at all the big signs right in front of you! It is so relevant!”

We began to laugh. The signs were like “Take care – deep excavation in progress” “Safety Gear Required At All Times” & “Under Construction” – These signs were like a metaphor for my life right now.

As we giggled and sat with the sun on our faces the wisdom and beautiful insights poured out of her. And as I sat there and lapped up all the golden insights and different perspectives on how my journey is going, the resounding feeling was gratitude. Gratitude for her. Gratitude for the words. Gratitude for the lessons. Gratitude for my humaness.

Regardless of who you are, your title, your role in the dynamic or whatever other labels or boxes you put around yourself. You are having a human experience. And every single one of us is capable of teaching all the rest of us a thing or two.

When you allow yourself to open and be your authentic self, the lessons flow your way thick and fast and all those empty spaces no longer seem so dark and vast.

Be open to connecting and learning. Always. Every single soul has some beautiful wisdom to bring to the world that could in a second, change yours.

Love and light

Michelle xxx

The Passion Path: Don’t Forget Your Why…

The Why… The reason that brought you to where you are. That feeling in your heart. In your gut. In your entire being. It makes your heart swell and your eyes dilate and the emotions wash over you like your whole body is filled with this sense of knowing. The sense that this is why you are here. This is what you what were made for. You know regardless of any logic or reasoning; that you are doing precisely what you were created to do.

If you are blessed enough to be one of those who has found your passion in life …. that thing, that someone, that experience, or that place, group or hobby – you know that nothing compares. Nothing can light you up the way that this does. It pumps through your veins and fills you with life affirming energy that spills out into everything you do.

Choosing this life – the passion path – is such an honour. Once you see it; no, once you feel it, it’s like you don’t have an option. It has called upon you. It has shown you the way from existing to living. This is a place there is no coming back from. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. The life you led before seemed to exist in a parallel universe. To another person, in another time. When you choose the passion path you are reborn. You’re awake. Alive. Fulfilled.

This path is simple to choose. But this path is not easy. It takes your all. Your full heart. Everything is amplified. You feel everything so intensely. You experience in technicolour. Your sensations are heightened. Your pleasure centres full. You breathe in its intensity and exude out its light and essence.

But when you truly give something your all, when you invest all that time, that energy, that power, that force, THAT LOVE… When you have this passion ignited inside of you, it also has the times where it’s beautiful intensity is what burns. It can be your unravelling. It can be your pain. Your breaking point. Your undoing.

The passion path is beautiful. It is for the courageous. It is for the inspired. The living. So when it is not going as you hoped, not as you had dreamed; Remember that along with the sheer wonder and beauty that this passion brings, it would not be so without it’s ability to scold you at times. It’s wondrous intensity goes both ways.

And in these times when your passion breaks you down; in this time when you lose your centre and understanding of how you came to be on this path. When all your sensations are overloaded and the senses are blurred –  this is when you go back to your WHY…Why you chose a life of living over a life of existing.

And allow it to ignite you over and over again.

Love always, Michelle xx

PS This passage was inspired by my father. Growing up, I could never understand why my father made many decisions that he did. Why he chose to spend all his time on the land with his cattle. Why he invested all of his time, energy and money into this part of his world that not only did I not really appreciate, I felt took away from his time with me. Over the years I resented this. I took it to mean I was not loved or important. I created my own set of beliefs around how this placed me in the world.

But now as I unravel all of my limiting beliefs and fearful perceptions and heal my relationship with myself and hence those around me, I can really see this for what it is. The most amazing gift my Dad could have given me. The understanding of passion and devotion to the parts of your world that light you up. That thing or person, that no matter how anyone else sees or experiences it – it doesn’t matter. It brings you joy, growth and understanding of your place in this world.

So thank you Dad for inspiring me to live my life with passion. To go for it when no one else gets it. Thank you for showing me that no matter how hard it appears to get, that without passion igniting my world, I would be purely existing. Not living.

Thank you for showing me what it takes to believe in myself despite all the odds and how to rise up again and again. Thank you for showing me how to love.

I love you. Happy Fathers Day.

Michelle xxx

 

 

Something Just Like This

It was just one of those weeks….Coming into the new moon and possibly not having all my ducks in a row, I started to get battered.

A few weeks ago I mentioned there was about to be a big change. Well it all sort of fell in a heap this week. Or so it seems. Lack of communication leads me to believe that. An opportunity for some big change didn’t come my way despite all signs pointing to the fact it would. Never mind. Wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t lose anything by putting myself out there. I just gained an experience.

Add to that, I am still grieving the loss of that special someone. Definitely honestly my biggest hurt. Then I had a BIG unexpected financial issue. Old ex in-law family stuff came ringing my phone. The old ex started his in your face public displays of affection with his new early 20 something and I cut my finger on a sauce bottle, almost knocked myself out and got an egg head from walking into a fridge door at work and lost one of my new beautiful birthday gifts. Needless to say I was feeling a little hard done by.

Practice what I preach right!? Gratitude and acceptance and letting go. Well yes, that would be the obvious thing to do but as I also say; you can’t force someone to change if they are not willing to look at it truthfully.

In saying that sometimes the universe has other plans. It is my belief in those times of your life where everything seems to be stacking up against you; as big or as minor/annoying as these things might be, it is the universe trying to tell you something. And being that the universe/god/energy/source is the higher power, it knows best. So even when us down here on Earth in our little human, ego bodies try to ignore the signs, the universe goes “Awww isn’t that cute” and ramps it all up a notch. As we like to call it in Consciousness Coaching “stacking the pain”.

We as humans are wired to avoid pain more than we look to seek pleasure. So even if we know on a deep level something is better for our true self, but the ego is screaming out in fear, we will choose the path of least resistance and go with what we know. The old way. The way we’ve been conditioned since birth. We plod along in that mode until its our turn and a series of things or something big happens that we just can’t ignore. Then it is up to us how quickly we take the bait. Do we keep on trying to act out the old way because -DAMN IT – it always worked before (even though you know truthfully it didn’t or there wouldn’t be pain) or do you lean into the fear and allow true change to take shape. Something that is more aligned to your true wants, wishes, purpose and desires?

I still ebb and flow… even once awake, majority of us do. There are so many layers. But I do feel this series of events and annoyances and injuries this week was the universe stacking my pain. Making my norm more uncomfortable as it is time for me to move on from here to bigger and better things. Now I just need to open myself up to it and allow.

So lets work back through this systematically shall we.

  1. The birthday gift. Possibly a heartbreaking reminder to take more care. Slow down. Appreciate the little things. I actually thought to myself when I put it on – it was a bracelet – that I didn’t know if I clipped it right. But I was in a rush so instead of checking I winged it. And now I pay the price:( Lucky I’m not an aeroplane engineer. LESSON: Slow the fuck down, pay attention to the things that matter. It was sentimental and now it is gone because I was careless.
  2. The egg on my head from the fridge. Well honestly I was distracted by hot chips, which I still managed to eat even when I was on the floor holding my head. But again     LESSON: Slow the fuck down. I was snacking on hot chips because I never break at work and stop to look after myself. Most days I don’t eat lunch. I am too busy trying to please everyone else I forget about myself. I matter too!
  3. The cut from a sauce bottle lid. I mean does an injury get any more lame than that? LESSON: As above. Slow down. Pay attention.
  4. Stalking exes profile on Facebook to find photos and over the top displays of affection to the new target. I say target as I know this is his cycle and my rational self understands the psychology behind it. My emotional self did not. I was essentially aiding the universe in the whole stacking the pain process here. I went into why does he get to be happy blahblahblah……. Everyone deserves to be happy. Even him. LESSON: Pay attention! But not to others. To myself! My self worth was low. As it has been my whole life up until I recently started fighting for it. This was my old ways looking to make a reappearance. BE VIGILANT!
  5. Ex in-law money issue coming up. Sent me into resentment, anger, abandonment and jealousy. Didn’t love writing those things about myself but hey like I said I believe in order to make change you need to be 100% honest. And I felt all of those feelings in a very strong way. But when I can rationalise it, these events around the financial side of things have occurred in cycles multiple times. I need to look into it. LESSON: Pay attention! (I know you can see the theme here!) Slow down. Look at it. Really look into it. The thoughts, feelings and emotions behind it. Give myself a true opportunity to work through it, heal it and let go of it so I can move forwards for good.
  6. Another money blip. Relates to the above. I am attempting to better myself in this area of my life but seemingly I still have a lot to learn. This was a frustrating hiccup. LESSON: As above. Slow the fuck down and pay attention. I am more than capable but I need to allow myself to succeed. Stop the self sabotage.

But as I was driving back tonight after having to run the kids around to do something to deal with my just mentioned error, I was beyond frustrated. They were both talking at me and I was just completely zoned out. Ethan grabbed my phone and put on a song. I am amazing at visualising. I can create an entire alternate reality in my mind and FEEL like I am in it. It is definitely my creative super power. And as the song started to play I took myself to this place. This place where I am truly aligned to my soul. I am living out my purpose and I am at piece with all of the parts of me.

I turned to Ethan and I said “It has to be me. If I want this, if I truly want this, then I have to get up and do it. I know I don’t want the struggle anymore. Im done! Im done! I want it all out!”

I was starting to yell. He’s used to me. He had a big grin on his face and he said “THEN YELL IT OUT!” “SCREAM!”

So we did. We all wound down the windows and really let go. Like totally went for it. We yelled and screamed and sang and laughed. And it felt really bloody cathartic. My heart was bursting after that. What a beautiful thing for him to encourage me to do. And we all felt better for it. I always say better out than in. But I don’t always practice it.

The words….it really connected. As I always say music is amazing for that. I was in my aligned future and these were the words playing…The old me doubting, scared, resisting and the new me nurturing those fearful parts of me and leading me into the dream. My future. Telling me I am everything I need to be. Hope it can take you away to your place of soul too.

If you can dream it, you can do it.

Love and light,

Michelle xxx

 

Two Things That Tell You You’re On The Right Path

How does one know one is on the right path?

This question is a loaded one. So many factors come into mind when this was posed to me. But as I continue on this journey of self discovery, I am beginning to truly understand and believe the answer comes down to two simple things.
Synchronicities and Self Belief.
Let me explain. Synchronicities are when events in your life seem to all start to come together. They start to align. Shifts in your perception of things are happening at the same time to coincide with events or moments in which you make a choice (usually multiple choices) that lead you down a path of exposure, learning, reflection, growth and change. This may sound so deep but to simplify the concept this even relates to changing your mind about a certain food.
One day you’re adamant you hate mushrooms but then you try them at the right time, in the right place, with the right atmosphere, in the right dish and all of a sudden BAM! Mushrooms are your new favourite and you can’t believe you were so closed off to the idea of them! They’re delicious!! And packed full of nutrients that nourish your body.
But you would never have “known” this had the sequence of things leading up to you trying mushrooms again happened.
Ok maybe not life changing. But healthy nutrient rich foods are good for the mind, body and soul. I was just attempting to simplify the idea.
Mainly due to the fact I get accused of reading into things too much. Over thinking. But again if you think I’m over thinking how beneficial mushrooms are 😆 expand your mind to a bigger scenario in your life. If you are fighting something that shouldn’t be, it will be displayed in your every day as a constant struggle. Energy sucking. And you will constantly be questioning yourself over it. Now this is not to say that picking the right path for you will be easy. It will most probably require you to give something up. It will possibly require hard work and multiple sacrifices. But when everything is lining up the synchronicities are hard to ignore and the pain of continuing as you once did is far greater than the percieved losses to follow your souls urges.
For me the belief that EVERYTHING happens for a reason is directly related to my ability to deal with the hardships I have faced. For if it didn’t happen for a reason; why did it have to happen to me? What did I do so wrong to deserve some of the hurt and pain that has come my way? And for the many people I have spoken to going through trauma or hardship, this belief becomes quite a resounding truth to most. There must be a takeaway lesson or it has all happened for nothing. And that is harder to come to terms with.
Despite this, I never say anything is gospel. You’re welcome to believe different. But I believe in the picture bigger than just you and me. I believe it is all connected and that life is a series of lessons, all for the greater good.
So synchronicities. These babies have been popping up left, right and centre for me at the moment. There is an exciting new direction I have opened my mind to that I will write about next week that I feel is going to be a game changer. It’s all about the growth journey and this one will both challenge me and pull me way outside my comfort zone.
Again synchronising with this big decision, is my participation in a coaching course challenge put to us by the course developer. It’s brilliant. It’s the FUCK FEAR CHALLENGE. Every single day we have to push through a barrier/fear and then post about it on our group page. Seemingly big all small, we write it out.
We hold each other accountable and encourage each other’s progress.
Let me tell you it’s been going for a week and it’s been INSANE!! Talk about accelerated progress. For all involved.
Whether we are willing participants or not, being amongst a team of others and wanting to hold your end of the bargain is an epic driving force for recognising when fears come up and acknowledging you are the only thing standing between you and want you want. Honestly give it a go! Message me even! I’ll hold you accountable!
All of us in just 1 week have had some HUGE wins. And this is where one builds Self Belief.
Self Belief and true confidence (not ego driven confidence) comes from over coming things you once were too fearful to accomplish. You stop looking for outsode validation and you do what feels right. Seriously who gives what others say. Is it their experince? No! Let them have their opinions. Thats their right. But it should not influence you trusting your own gut. And once the balls rolling it feels so empowering you want to keep it going! Fear is totally an illusion in almost all cases. It is simply what stands between you and your dreams.
True story.
Now don’t misunderstand. I don’t think one day it all just clicks and there you are with your shit all sorted. Even through each win the road is littered with massive lessons and moments when you’re questioning why the fuck you’re putting yourself through this. But when your heart is in it for the greater good, you always win. From a soul level. And I think now I have my goals in my heart, pushing through my fears to get there, seems just that little bit less relevant than it all once did.
Now it’s easy to trust I’m on the right path!
Exciting!
Love and light,
Michelle 💖✨

But Where Does It Go?

I feel like it’s been ages now since I’ve written something light and easy breezy. I feel like I want to do that. For a multitude of reasons. But I don’t feel light and easy. As I sit down to write this, and I’ve left it all week because it’s been hectic and now it’s Sunday night and I’m flat. Again. Like seriously …. Again! Pull yourself out of it Michelle! I’m the only one who can, I know that, but this one is heavy and it’s taking a toll.

I spoke a few weeks ago of my first spiritual guide. He used to speak of the Three Rungs of the Ladder to the space of enlightenment. Now this is completely my perception of what he meant but the first rung is around awareness and a genuine connection to the feeling of creating inner peace. I do feel I have taken this on board in my soul. And beyond to a degree. But I also vividly remember him saying that we always feel our shit the hardest and deepest right before a big change. A little push or shove in the direction to greater consciousness. But this one feels like a massive truck full of hippos sitting on my physical body and all of my energy space around me. It feels HEAVY!

Now I’m not sure how others experience this. Please share if you would like it always helps to feel like you’re not alone or going crazy. But I really feel the different weights or imprints of different energies. And I am also starting to become acutely aware of visions during meditation and particularly whilst giving Reiki to myself and others. I’m not afraid as such but I know I’m going through a massive shift in consciousness and so in a way it’s scary. No I’m bullshitting. I’m freaking out to be real.

Not really for what’s to come. That’s ok. But for what is not coming with me. It’s almost like I have come to a point of no return right now and life as I know it is over. Please understand I know it will be ok but the FEELING that it’s going to be ok hasn’t caught up. My monkey mind is trying to pull me back to what I know. It’s grasping at people places and situations that don’t serve me.

This week I acted out. I tried to lie to myself I was ok about seeing someone I hadn’t seen in a couple of months. You know they popped up again and I told myself this time would be different. Of course I’ll go to dinner with you. But a couple of champagnes in and I honestly felt my brain snap. What the f**k are you doing Michelle!?, it screamed. You know how this ends. This is not a safe place to rest your weary soul. And honestly I was an almost instant mess. I actually had a movie moment and got up and walked out of the restaurant.

Now completely NOT his fault. He is honest that he’s not emotionally available. I am the one who is willing to butt my head against the same old brick wall over and over and over because I pull what I want to hear out of the conversation rather than what is being said. I’m not saying it’s my fault either, but why am I pursuing someone who will never let me in? I don’t have to be a superhero and work him out or break through his walls or show him how special I am and then hopefully maybe one day he’ll truly love me back and see my worth. IM TIRED! I honestly can’t be f**ked with it anymore. It hurts. I am hurting myself.

I am seeking in a partner what I always knew as my first male female dynamic. The relationship I had with my dad. And when I was a child he was completely emotionally unavailable. Not at all his fault. He did the best with what he knew. And he is a deep kind thoughtful and intelligent man. And our dynamic is changing. Dad and I are good. I have laid to rest my issues with feeling I didn’t get what I needed back when I was little. So its time for my adult self to catch up. To stop recreating these patterns for my future. All my partners have been either that way inclined or completely obsessive and possessive or combinations of both.

I want someone, yes. And all of the changes that are happening in my world feel like they would be just that little bit more awesome if I had someone to share them with. Love makes the good that much better and everything else seem small. But I don’t have that right now. Well not in a romantic sense. But if I step back from that, it’s so clear how I’m just scared of this next step. This next massive step up that ladder. But when I stop grasping so tightly and I let myself leap I know there is a pure moment awaiting me.

That beautiful moment when you allow a real change into your soul. It’s a moment of pure stillness. A moment in which you can truly appreciate the absolute nothing it brings. The space. The lightness. Where did that heavy energy go? That we hold onto so tightly. Where did it come from? Why did it mean so much to us? Yet now it has simply gone. Shifted. Moved on. Dissipated. Just writing this my focus changed and I felt the energy shift. It simply blows me away with pure gratitude and amazement every time. Where your focus goes, energy flows.

Regardless of whether you consider yourself spiritual or not I would think that has to raise some really interesting questions to ponder. Thoughts are merely suggestions. Emotions are just acting upon those suggestions and beliefs are made for perceived survival.

Yet real living comes when you just let it all go. So breathe Michelle and just say Fuck It!

Leave what is not working behind. Make space for the new. Allow myself to move in the direction that momentum is taking me anyway. Stop kicking and screaming and running back to the real place of hurt out of fear of the unknown. Because let’s be real, I wouldn’t be on this journey if the past worked out for me would I!

Ha! I just giggle snorted. And finally, I feel the light and easy breezy returning. What an amazing journey I am on.

Love and light, Michelle xx