Signs, Lessons and Roundabouts

Life is grand… everything is going along exactly as I had hoped and planned. I am kicking goals and ticking boxes left, right and centre. It has been so much growth in such a short time, and this week I stepped it up a notch again. I signed with a mentor that will push me and help me fill the gaps in my business knowledge. I was asked to join a social therapy group team and I ran my first solo workshop.

However in the back of my mind, I am acutely aware at this point in time I am scared, no TERRIFIED, of my greatness.

I see an amazing Kinesiologist. One of my many mentors and teachers. She came to see me as a client and had a great session but what she said to me after resonated as I knew it was the truth. She commented that she could FEEL I was shielding some of my light. Like I was holding back. Not completely stepping into my power. A theme that has run through my life.

Up until recently I, like many, was comfortable living in victim mentality. Where life just happens to us and we really don’t have any control over our outer circumstances and how we think and behave. But lately it hasn’t been enough for me anymore and I have thrown myself into life where I am creating the reality that lights me up.

That being said, the rest of your life, patterns and experiences don’t just disappear and today it all welled up. All the what ifs. What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? What if I succeed but nobody I love is ok with my new life? Why is it so hard for me? Why does everyone else seem to get it easy?

It is amazing the bullshit that we throw into the mix when we are bashing ourselves up.

So reluctantly, I took myself out of the house to go to a coffee date I had organised many weeks ago. My first ever client, now friend, that was my guinea pig for my Super Soul Sessions. Two seconds in she could see I wasn’t myself and honestly I wasn’t doing a great job of pretending otherwise. Despite the fact we are now friends, I still put all these expectations on myself as to how I “should” behave in front of her.

But I was in it and as unbelievably uncomfortable as it made me, the self proclaimed “fixer” in the dynamic, I wasn’t in a space to pull myself up. So she whisked me out the cafe door to go and find nature.

As we walked along and she made small talk as I gave nothing back, she stopped and began to chuckle. I looked up. “You’re fucking kidding me!” I proclaimed.

There right in the window of a random store on the side of the road was a giant rug. In coloured writing it simply said “Open Up Your Heart”.  “Well I have to say, you always get such clear signs from the universe Michelle” she said.

Well that was it. I began to cry. We walked a little further until my tears turned into sobs and I sat myself down on a tram stop bench. She sat next to me as I lent over and cried on her shoulder.

We sat in silence for a bit. Then as if I was sitting with Yoda, she began to speak.

“You know your intuition is quite remarkable Michelle. You sat yourself down in front of a building site. Look at all the big signs right in front of you! It is so relevant!”

We began to laugh. The signs were like “Take care – deep excavation in progress” “Safety Gear Required At All Times” & “Under Construction” – These signs were like a metaphor for my life right now.

As we giggled and sat with the sun on our faces the wisdom and beautiful insights poured out of her. And as I sat there and lapped up all the golden insights and different perspectives on how my journey is going, the resounding feeling was gratitude. Gratitude for her. Gratitude for the words. Gratitude for the lessons. Gratitude for my humaness.

Regardless of who you are, your title, your role in the dynamic or whatever other labels or boxes you put around yourself. You are having a human experience. And every single one of us is capable of teaching all the rest of us a thing or two.

When you allow yourself to open and be your authentic self, the lessons flow your way thick and fast and all those empty spaces no longer seem so dark and vast.

Be open to connecting and learning. Always. Every single soul has some beautiful wisdom to bring to the world that could in a second, change yours.

Love and light

Michelle xxx

Overcoming Life Sucking Fear

For most of us, fear rules our day to day lives. It is why we go to the jobs that we hate that don’t fulfil us. It is why we don’t tell our partners what we really want to say about what we need emotionally, spiritually, sexually, financially. It is why we continue the same old dynamics with our family members that leave us feeling frustrated and misunderstood. It is why we agree with our friends opinions out loud but not really in our guts, hearts and minds. It is why we attend things and do things that we actually don’t want to do. Or say things we don’t really believe. It is why most of us go into many day to day situations pretending to be anyone other than our true authentic selves.

Have you ever sat there and asked yourself why you do these things? Why you avoid the tricky conversations? Why you avoid standing up for yourself and imposing some healthy boundaries around your own personal needs and wants? Have you asked yourself if failure, rejection or change would actually kill you? Or why and when you decided that you didn’t matter enough to be heard, seen, loved and held exactly as you are? Or why you feel you are unworthy of living a life you actually passionatley desire to live?

So many of us struggle along in silence. Ticking the perceived needed boxes of what a majority of us call our lives. Relationship…Job…Social Status…Mortgage…Cars.. Counting down the days and minutes we get to clock off work. Leave the family to go see friends. Go on holidays. End the week. End the relationship. Find a relationship. Earn that money.

The “I’ll be happy when …” syndrome.

What if none of that stuff actually meant anything to you in your heart of hearts but you never actually took the time to ask yourself what it is that you do want and need in order to be truly fulfilled?

Susan Jeffers, author of international best seller, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway; gives the below list of examples of signs that can bring  our attention to what scenarios of our lives we are giving away our power and not taking responsibility of our own empowered option of choice.

Feelings of: anger, impatience, upset, joylessness, fatigue, blaming others, pain, attempting to control others, lack of focus, obsessiveness, self-pity, addictions, envy, judgmentalness, helplessness, disappointment, constant state of limbo, jealousy.

Are you feeling any of these in your daily existence? Be honest with yourself. It is actually exciting if you recognise it. Then you’re prime for growth and change. Well done you!!

I fucking jumped this year. Backed myself. I dove head first into an existence I didn’t even perceive to be possible until I started following my gut. Into my real passion and what drives me and what lights me up. The world of coaching, energy work and helping empower people to understand, heal and nourish themselves. And although I am growing exponentially as a practitioner and as a person I’d be lying if I didn’t say I still deal with fears on a daily basis. However I push through. Despite the ability for me to be even more rejected, have more chances to fail,  be judged, ridiculed and misunderstood more than I ever encountered inside the box that many know as comfortable, what allows me to say fuck the fear and do it anyway?

What do I think are some key elements to stepping into this type of courage as opposed to staying stuck in a life of paralysed fear and partial living.

  1. CLARITY: This does not mean a strict 5 year plan. Ha! I would run from that! I mean find something that lights you up! What does everyone always comment you are good at? Whats the activity or thing you do that helps you forget about all the bs in life? For me, I am clear on what I want and that is what I am going after. For me this clarity is in my chosen career. Life is a journey made up of many facets. Right now I am so clear on what brings me happiness and joy which is my chosen profession and personal growth journey and that is what I am focused on. Conversely in terms of relationships I am still unsure of exactly what I need and want so I have freed myself up to grow outside of that in something I am passionate about. Rather than doing what many of us do and hope that someone or something else outside of us will save us or fulfil us. The power is always within. Trust yourself.
  2. YOUR POSSE: Not always easy I know, but make a conscious effort to weed out the people that don’t make you feel good. If you are constantly dulling your shine or consciously changing your behaviour to fit in – this includes family and work – STEP BACK! I get sometimes stepping away completely is not an option but free yourself up from too much time in situations in which you can’t be your true self. This can be lonely at first I understand from personal experience. But then you get really into the space of being you and you’ll start vibing with and attracting the right crowd before you know it! Promise!
  3. VULNERABILITY: Huge. Massive. Ballsy. Freeing. Scary as FUCK. But oh so worth it. It relates to the above too. Once you allow yourself the space to be you and vibe with your people they will help bring your vulnerability out. Purely because you will feel safe and comfortable. This has been a HUGE one for me. Really letting people step forward. Help me. Save me. Be there for me. Allowing myself to be seen and heard and ask for help even though it is scary. But I took the time to learn who I am safe to do that with. And I have never felt more held, seen, raw, real and loved in my entire life.
  4. YOU TIME:  Check in time. Do the thing that calms you. Sit without distraction. Give yourself the space to differentiate between the voices in your head telling you bullshit and lies about you and allow the voice in your gut to deepen and get louder.  Be fearless in your own company. Allow yourself the time to sit with what you are feeling and work out where the voice of fear is coming from. As science has shown we are born with only two innate fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds – you can bet your bottom dollar the voice telling you bullshit lies isn’t your own. Working out who’s it is gives you the capacity to realise that it isn’t yours and therefore you have the power to decide whether or not it is true for you. (FYI – its not, you’re more than enough) Trust yourself.
  5. MASSIVE IMPERFECT ACTION: All the gurus are using this phrase. Tony Robbins, Oprah,  Gary Vaynerchuk, Grace Lever. Just do something. Even a little thing. Research. Talk to people. Go to a workshop or class. Do a brainstorm or a vision board. Give yourself the opportunity to try. To test the waters. To feel what it feels like to go after what you want. And with every time you step into that space you get that little bit better at taking the leap of faith.

So for me… do I know how it is all going to work out? No. No I don’t. But I trust that it will. Even now when I sit in the fear I have never felt so sure of my path. I have never felt so alive and excited to wake up every day and put my heart and soul into everything I do. I have never before had this capacity to allow myself to be so open and seen and back myself all the way.

I have never believed in myself so much. And that is because I wasn’t being myself so how the fuck was I supposed to believe in that?

Now? Now I trust. And I truly want that for you.

Get in touch.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

http://www.soulboundtm.com

 

Halo Adjustment

Although admittedly my moments of self doubt are becoming rarer, occasionally I ponder whether I am cut out for this. Not from an ability point of veiw as I have previously discussed but because of how I percieve how people in this industry and lifestyle “should” be. It’s a dangerous word that word should. So many limitations to it.

I guess it is stereotyping in a way. Well that’s a commonly understood way to maybe explain some of what I’m talking about. So this is my attempt to decipher my thoughts in writing. Here goes…

I’m cheeky. I’m a bit wild at times. I love a good dance on a night out. I mean this Friday just gone if you were lucky enough to be down at the Imperial on Chapel St you could’ve witnessed my epic break dancing moves. Well ok, maybe just hilarious, but I’m trying to paint a picture.

I love adrenalin. I love concerts. I love loud music. I even listened to heavy metal a lot growing up and can still recite lyrics to Pantera and White Zombie songs. I like crude jokes and I swear a lot more than my mum likes. I have been in the back of a police car 3 times. I have foot in mouth disease. I have been known to drop the classic Australian proverb ‘nice indicator dickhead’ on the road. I don’t always treat my body like a temple. Or my mind for that matter. I still watch reality tv on occasion and I don’t always meditate or do my affirmations daily.

Surely, I have wondered, these are not all traits of someone going into this. I mean I need to lead by example. Practice what I preach and all that. Or as my friends in corporate roles speak of; develop ‘my brand’. And in this day in age, to an extent this is so valid. But it also kind of goes against everything I am currently developing within myself. The I’m going to be myself and be true to me, regardless of percieved consequences and others opinions of me road that I’m on – without the fuck you of course. More live and let live.

Basically, I am realising this is a small road block in my journey of ego dissolution. In a world very driven by ego and fear, I need to find the line between alienating myself by causing these fears to rise in people and being able to express my purpose in a way people can relate to.

The way it seems to me is we have forgotten to let ourselves be human to an extent. Fear is a normal thing to feel but when it has gotten to the level like now in which many are driven by it, it has become somewhat of an epidemic.

Fears and limiting beliefs are embedded into us from day dot. Often without us even realising. Its often a series of small events that slowly pull us away from the soul. Until we are of a high enough awareness or consciousness to take a look at the belief to actually see if it is indeed worthy of holding any weight on our thoughts, actions, beliefs and emotions.

This weekend someone said one the nicest thing to me I think I have ever been told. It was a guy I run into from time to time and we always have a good chat and a laugh but on this night he turned to me a said…

‘You know you speak of energy; that’s what I’ve always thought about you. You can feel when you have entered the room. The whole place just lights up. It just makes me smile’…

I was blown away. And in that moment, as parts of my ego ballooned (who doesn’t love a compliment) I also realised I appreciated this one on a soul level. For someone to not mention my physical form at all but rather the energy I bring forward and the feeling that leaves them with, was someone verbalising one of my life goals. As I believe that is my purpose. To share my light with the world. And he felt that regardless of anything else about me, my past, my hobbies, my beliefs and lifestyle. All of which are quite different to mine.

So if I think about it, it is this exact fact that makes me cut out for this. I am relatable. It is my experiences that have brought me to this place. And I am continuously equally grateful and intrigued by the beautiful souls I am encountering along the way. I’m growing to. I am on this journey also. Whilst I will guide people, I will be in the process right along side them. That will make us all feel like we are not alone in this.It will add to the power. That is the unbelievably awesome thing about this journey I am going through and am starting to share. And I will continue to grow. We can all learn from each other. You can be into whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Live and work wherever you want. Drive whatever you want. Be whatever background, culture or religion you choose. In fact you are encouraged to be whatever flavour you want to be. As long as it’s true to you, it will taste delicious! And as long as those choices feed your souls wants, needs and desires and not your ego.

Also without judgement of how others choose to do it. If everyone loved choc chip mint flavoured ice-cream how boring this world would be. Celebrate difference. It is in opening your mind and heart to differences that breeds acceptance, understanding and love. Just because something is right for you, doesn’t make it right for someone else.

So my task is to carry this forward into the next. Completely discard my opinions and false beliefs on how anyone in any role “should” behave. We all need to stop and adjust our halo from time to time. Without that, we wouldn’t be the amazing, interesting, evolving and diverse creatures that we are.

Keep on spreading your individual light on the world. Without fear. Because the ones that are supposed to get you will.And love and acceptance is all we need to fulfil any internal goal ever written.

Much love, Michelle xx