Triggering Strengths

If you look into many of the careers of the most compassionate, effective, highly regarded psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, life coaches and social workers they are often so tuned into their niche, as they have experienced some or many of the aspects in which they facilitate. They understand the process from both sides of the fence. They have figured out the genuine link between the phenomenon that our greatest strengths can also trigger our greatest emotional responses.

As I seek and relinquish to be of service in this profession and soul purpose, I am the first to realise that my area of both strength and massive learning and growth opportunities, is connection.

I have spoken on multiple occasions about this through this blog and on my social media.  Connection. The reason behind all that I am doing. Connection to self. Connection in love. Connection in family. Connection in friendships. Connection to professions. Connection to the community. The arts. Humanity. Mother nature. The Universe.

And as the universe is so kind and loving and wants me to learn and grow, this week has been a series of events around this very topic in multiple facets of my life. Friends, family and career have all featured in this weeks soul lessons.

I uncomfortably voiced to my friends some of the personal stuff thats been going on for me. Vulnerability, although I am so aware of it’s power, is still not always comfortable and I started by pushing them away. They, as the keepers do, came back in full force and surrounded me with love. I am blessed. A lesson that connection is safe.

Career was an interesting one. I attended a talk by some local inspiring entrepreneurs that I admire both the business model and the philosophies and culture behind all that they do. Throughout they kept weaving in the importance of connection with those that inspire you and can help you both personally and professionally to grow. I was on the edge of my seat really involved in all that was being said; until the end of the talk arrived and we were invited to come and say hello. I completely shifted gears. Anxiety took over and I rushed for the exit. I kicked myself the whole way home. What a wasted opportunity for connection and networking with people who have been where I am and have gotten to where I want to be.

So, I snapped out of it. I couldn’t undo what had happened but I could still influence what is to come with my actions right then and there. So I stalked them online, got emails and sent them a open honest email about all I just wrote. How inspired I was by them. How much I got from the talk and how I let my fear get the better of me in that moment. I still felt a bit bummed as I took myself off to bed. But when I left work the next day I was floored.

Not only did they respond, they checked out my blog, my website and were full of praise and encouragement. Along with the offer for guidance whenever I need it and that next time I can pass on even a hand shake and go straight for a hug!

OMG I knew they were my kind of people! Beautiful souls, willing to share, nourish, guide and encourage others to live their full potential. Keepers. Another strong example that connection is safe.

The final and by far and away the most soul cleansing of the week, my father. A strong hard working man from the old school generation in which although we are loved immensely, he held his cards close to his chest. When he was not working the farm, which was rare, he was not one to display affection. I have played this dynamic over and over in my life with other males. No ones fault. Just our journey. But today he rang me. I was out with the kids so asked him to call me back. Then my anxiety peaked. Why was he calling? Was something wrong? Is he sick? Even I was shocked at the intensity of the stress I was putting myself through. I was expecting the worst.

So when he rang back all of 45 of the longest minutes later, I was ready to shut down. He seemingly picked up on my demeanour and proceeded to do all the talking! This is generally my domain. But he had my back. He eased me in and we ended up connecting for a good 36 minute chat! I can not express how huge this is. How cathartic and cleansing for me. And for him. That I believe.

I can see that as I work through these things within myself, those around me have either stepped up to show me strength and support or have eased and softened towards me. The stayers in my world are moulding with me. Those that were meant to come and go have done so or will do so. I am happy. I am safe. And I am always connected.

It is this that I look forward to growing into even further and sharing with every soul I am blessed enough to come across in my experience. I truly feel, think, know and believe that my journey, my lessons, my experience and now studies and skill set will allow me to be of such great service to so many of us that feel a lack of connection and are ready to feel again.

In this world, we are increasingly disconnected. Busy is glorified. Most of our daily interactions are through a screen. Many of us coast through assuming that that lack or ¬†wanting for something else is just a normal part of existing. But I am here to tell you it is not. I doesn’t have to feel that way.

Connection is safe. And it is the basis of all strength, love, joy and passion in this wondrous experience we are blessed to call life.

Live it.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

 

Recognising Lesson Cycles

People, places, situations change; energy doesn’t. This is the exact line my first spiritual mentor used to say to me as I would sit across from him trying to make sense of why I felt and behaved in the ways I did and do.

Honestly at the time, this line would often infuriate me. I didn’t get it and all I wanted was an answer to my question. A solution to my problem. Some straight up CLARITY! At the time, I didn’t realise that that was exactly what he was giving me. He was planting the seed. He held no attachment to when that seed sprouted and took a life of its own. And as all personal growth can only be; it was up to me to water and nurture that seedling until it was strong enough to break through the soil of perceived life dramas and out into the open air and light. Into real living.

Another step forward or shift has happened in me of late. I had felt down. Low. Defeated. But with all my skills, knowledge and self belief I pulled myself around to move further into my growth and freedom. And the turn around is getting easier and easier. Not easy. But easier.

Part of the worry is that I am not necessarily feeling like my old self. I know thats the whole point right! Lol. But the thing is as I have previously mentioned it is scary to think that you may move away, leave or even outgrow people. Letting go is scary and hard. We long for what we know and our comfort zone. The familiar. Even if it doesn’t serve us and the reality is nowhere near where we truly want to be, it somehow feels safe.

Again people have popped up to show they are not necessarily comfortable with the journey that I am on. That they possibly thought it would be a phase and I would go back to my status quo. I understand now more than ever that change in one affects so many around us. Never underestimate the ripple affect you have on your immediate world and the world as a whole.

Many of us seek the spiritual world or something outside of ourselves when we are struggling. But as the initial pain eases and we think things are better or improved it is easier to stop the discovery journey and settle into the new space you find yourself in. Often if people around you once sort solace in the spiritual realm and then moved away from it when they felt better, that place can seem to have a negative connotation to it. It is a place you go when you feel lost or sad. So their concern from their perception is an understandable one. Coming from a place of love. They don’t want you in a dark place and they don’t want you sad.

But seemingly forgotten is that this is a never ending journey. There are steps. Lessons. Ever evolving changes. And whether you like it or not if you are meant to deal with it the situations will arise in order for you to do so. And past the place of understanding on the surface level is an even deeper connection. A certain empowerment that once you get a taste for, you are hooked. Indescribable unless experienced I guess. A little bit like the “only a surfer knows the feeling” philosophy. Except it’s all happening within. No need to wait for mother nature to provide the perfect conditions. They are always already in you.

So my repeat soul lesson from this above scenario of being concerned I am concerning others, is the same old thing that I deal with in every facet of my life over and over again. Should I put others needs in front of my own in order to “maintain being loved”.

This pops up everywhere in my life. In relationships. At work. In my family. With friends. With my children. On social media. In this blog. I have recurring situations in which I constantly question myself on if I am true to myself do I risk not being loved.

Well I can honestly say its becoming more and more a risk I am willing to take! Real love is always around me. The people who stay in my life are the ones that are supposed to. I trust that I am loved and that I am safe. And most importantly I am giving that to myself by ensuring my decisions are all aligned to what I want and need.

So how do you recognise your life lessons? Firstly, I highly recommend, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Not always fun, not always easy. But essential in life.

  • Write down the areas of your life that you are not happy with or that have really affected you in the past.
  • Systematically, go through the list.
  • With each scenario, close your eyes. Take the story out of your mind and connect to the feeling. Place one hand on your gut and one on your heart. What are they telling you? What is it that you feel you need in this space that you are currently not believing is or was there?
  • Open your eyes and write down the first thing that comes up. Don’t filter yourself. Just write.

Do this for each of the scenarios and it would be extremely normal to find some patterns emerging. There may be multiple lessons embedded in these scenarios. But it will bring some clarity to what these areas are.

It is so easy to get caught up in the he said, she said, he/she didn’t do, say, think, act exactly how I wanted them to in order for me to get what I think I want saga.

Well if you take ownership of that and acknowledge that the only person who knows and can consistently deliver what you want and need is YOU, then the real journey to empowerment begins.

This in lies exactly what my mentor was outlining to me all those 11 years ago. It does not matter who is in front of you – husband, wife, father, mother, boss, friend, colleague, stranger. It doesn’t matter where you are – home, work, in a mansion, in commission housing, in a bar, on holiday, stuck in a rut. It doesn’t matter what the situation – romantic dynamic, work dynamic, in a spa at a resort talking with friends, on the sporting field, on a yoga retreat.

Life is going to happen and you are going to be triggered. And the energy at play will be down to whatever your experience has been in order for the lessons you need to learn to play out. You are going to – whether you like it or not – have emotional and energetic feelings to outside stimuli. And the ONLY thing you can control in every single scenario… is your response.

Not the energy. Nope. That will still be there. It will always still be fear of rejection or not feeling appreciated or not being enough. Or whatever it may be for you. That will always be in you.

What changes is your attachment to it. Or how much you continue to believe it to be true.

Are you with me? Get in touch and lets work through decreasing the strength of these  attachments. Life is so much lighter on the other side of holding on and fear:) http://www.soulboundtm.com

Love and light, Michelle xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Connecting With Connection

Connection. The premise behind everything I do. The reason for me creating this blog. Creating SoulBound. My growth journey.

Although as a fellow human, I still have my own ongoing work around this concept; this word “connection” brings up such an emotive energetic and bodily response for me every time.

I realise to others I am not always the easiest of people to work out. I can appear to be overly complicated. Highly emotional. Contradictory is also a term I have been told. As I unravel my experience and work out what makes me tick and ride the waves I can understand how this would be others perceptions. And that is honestly perfectly ok. I no longer need or want to be everyone’s cup of tea. An affirmation of late: What others think of me is none of my business.

But everyone wants to fit in somewhere. Everyone wants to be a part of something. Every single person wants to be loved. Understood. Cared for. Needed. Wanted. Involved. Connected. Everyone.

I have not always felt this way in life. In fact even though I am loud, friendly, emotional, open and social on the surface, I often have felt a huge disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. Even as I have embarked on this journey of self discovering, I have encountered many many situations in which I have not felt a part of this spiritual world.

This is what I seek to bring. I don’t think you need to (nor do I care if you do) wear all hemp products, be vegan, only be positive, be into crystals and oracle cards, do yoga, etc etc. All the cliches of the spiritual realm. I want to encourage people to throw them out the window. Some of these things I do love. Some I may grow to love. My point is it doesn’t matter. You are enough and worthy of connection just as you are.

The absolute LAST thing anyone who embarks on finding out what makes them tick is to feel not a part of the possibilities such enlightenment can bring. What I am saying is eat your kale chips and practice your meditation but don’t judge others for not doing that. Its their journey. And I believe as an “enlightened” individual; one would be aware of that and spread love always. Regardless of preferences. Allow others into your world. Share your knowledge. As the end goal is that we all come together and help to create a better world, so lets be open and receiving to the oneness that that brings.

I walked into a local spiritual shop today and although I am starting to feel a lot more at home in this space, I have often wondered why it is that these type of shops always have that very similar sort of style or look to them. Very busy, yet simplistic. The chakra posters on the wall. The crystal cabinets. The ornaments. The music. The burning incense. The room in the back for the personalised readings. The ornaments are often ethereal or childlike and the concept almost appears so far from our actual outside realities that it can seem a little far fetched. And I do wonder if that is part of the reason why the skeptics find this so hard to embrace. Yet as I am slowly learning more and more I am realising that there is indeed a reason for all of it. It is no coincidence that the idea is to pull you into that nurturing, calming, imaginative, ethereal, childlike experience and get you to look at those parts of yourself. As it is often in that period of our time in our body that we abandon honouring ourselves in order to be a part of our external experience. An almost false sense of connection if you will. Or connecting with ego over soul.

Despite that I still think it would not hurt to change it up a bit. Make it all more accessible for all walks of life. And this in lies part of my vision for my future. I want to bring connection into my life and the lives of others. And the two key things I feel my direction and the lessons I will share with others will take is

  1. Primarily connection will come from within. Knowing, but more importantly FEELING this connection within you is in my opinion the primary step. It will be a lifelong journey with ups and downs but there comes a point in the growth journey where you start to turn to yourself. Once you are comfortable in that space with yourself you will only feel secure in your choices about how, who and what to let in. This will disable the fear aspects because you will feel confident in trusting your own inner wisdom to guide you to make these often seemingly quite large life decisions.
  2. Vulnerability. This is a tricky one for many of us. And it will be fluid with the above concept as it will guide the lessons and it’s outcomes. But there is such a HUGE power in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. This will flow easily when the above internal connection is present but in the mean time, fear of letting down our walls can often take over. How many of us in our day to day lives know we are going into multiple situations in love, life and work not showing our authentic selves. When we allow fear to take over it becomes an emotive response. So in times like this it can be beneficial to switch to the rational brain to gain or access knowledge and perspective. This particular TED talk is gold in relation to this exact topic and showed up in my world six years ago through a psychology class. Funnily enough this exact talk has been brought to my attention multiple times over the years since by different sources. If you haven’t seen it or any of Brene Browns work, I HIGHLY recommend you get amongst it.

I am only just bringing to light the depth of my own fears around being vulnerable. For as I connect further inward I am now making the right choices about who I surround myself with. The people who show me so much love, care, information and tools for growth that I am beyond excited to be able to pass this learning and experience onto others.

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are WORTHY of love and belonging” ~ Brene Brown

Love and light always,

Michelle xxx