Total Acceptance (3) – Victim

Ok so victim is more of an archetype or part of the personality than an emotion, but it is one we are well versed at acting out.

As a society we are pretty quick to pass the buck, blame and divert and deflect from our own bullshit. We are pretty good at acting like life just happens to us and we have no control over the outcome. In the corporate world, in our personal lives, in how we treat the planet, in how we treat ourselves.

As I started to learn about the “victim” element that resides in ALL of us, I initially rejected it. That actually makes me lol. Because that exact rejection was me acting out the victim traits.

But I kept telling myself “I am allowed to be a victim” “I am a victim”. I have been sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused. I am allowed to act out the victim. To make me feel better about all the shit that has gone down, I need those around me to feel sorry for me and make it all better. But I continuously learnt the hard way. If you put all that power in others hands, you are in for a big fall my friends.

Stepping into personal development, growth and enlightenment takes courage. To truly look at your stuff and take ownership of your emotions, actions, thoughts, beliefs and perceptions is as brave as it gets. So no wonder stepping into this space triggers our inner victim left right and centre.

If we look at the victim they are often perceived as powerless, weak, scared, all blaming, possibly even deserving of the bad that has happened to them. But as with everything in this universe; you can not give rise to these elements without the equal and opposite elements residing within in you. Every single thing you see within you both “good” and “bad” has, in the right circumstances, the ability to be expressed and acted out. Really think about that. Polarity is in everything. Duality. So therefore in the empowered version of the victim qualities are powerful, strong, courageous, ownership of self and awareness of life lessons and universal patterns.

So how do you get perspective and see where you are acting out in the disempowered or shadow aspect of victim?

  1. Expression: Watch how you are talking. Both internally and externally. Even in humour. The subconscious mind has no sense of humour. Here in Australia in particular it is common practice to joke about our perceived bad qualities, traits and misfortunes and thats ok too, but just check in occasionally and see how saying those things to yourself actually sits with how you want to feel in and about yourself.  An example of this is I would say if I made a mistake “Lucky I am cute” meaning I am not smart. But as I have become aware of my over expressed victim,, I feel an internal reaction in my body when I say this, yelling “HEY! Im very smart thank you!”
  2. Language: building on the last point watch the words you use. Common phrases “I can’t do that”, “I should do that”, “I am trying”, “I had to”, “they, he, she, made me feel…”. These are all statement that immediately give our power away. Rephrase this simply by just owing it. “I can’t” could be more that you actually haven’t tried, or you attempted it but feel you could do better next time, or you actually really don’t want to. Thats ok. But say it for what it is. “I should” – well says who? Do you want to for you? “I am trying” – this is an interesting one. It is good to have a go and try things but when you use this term as a means of justifying why you are in a place you are not comfortable, you’re actually not empowering yourself. Just say “I am taking this, this and this step to get to where I want to be”. “I had to” – simple. No you didn’t. We always have the power of choice. “They, he, she, made me feel…” no one can make you feel anything. You chose what emotions you allow yourself to attach to.
  3. Actions: simple bodily responses will enable the victim. So stand with your back straight. Head up. Eye contact where appropriate. Take up your space in the room. Don’t shrink to make others feel comfortable. Just allow yourself to be as equally as important as everyone else on this planet. You are!

See the thing that got me about this stuff, was it actually made me angry. But they did this this and this and that is wrong! Well the flip side of that is who the fuck am I to decide what is wrong. It was wrong by me, but essential for both my and their journey. Therefore my power is in getting to now chose to no longer be around those people, places, situations or take on those emotions that don’t serve me.

You have this power within you too. I promise. Allow yourself to shine.

The world needs your glow. And always remember the over expressed victim has a right too. Don’t shame it. But empower it to be free so you can live in self power, love and peace.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

 

 

 

My Types of Archetypes

Is being single the worst thing in the world?  This is what I have been questioning myself of late, over and over again. I flip between feeling sad and feeling great about it and essentially I realise it is not something you either can, or should for that matter, force. But there are times when it would be nice to have someone to share the moments with. To live with. Laugh with. Even someone to disagree with. Make love to. Spoon with. But most of all, someone to grow with.

So how ironic, that as I sat to write this and flicked on the TV for background noise, none other than Miss Bridget Jones herself was staring back at me. Let me tell you, the scene where she’s eating ice-cream and sobbing to “All By Myself” had me in awkwardly uncontrollable hysterics of laughter. Possibly too close to reality for me. In this laugh or cry moment, I chose laugh. To an outsider watching, I am sure it would’ve looked like I could turn at any moment. Another questionable sanity moment, brought to you by yours truly;)

But really, I am ok. I realise I am lucky. I have two amazing children, who keep me young and grounded and grateful for every day. I also get me time, where I am consciously learning a deep understanding of myself and why I do the things I do, on top of letting my hair down and enjoying life. So when I got the opportunity to partake in an extra PD course for Life Lessons and Soul Contracts, I jumped at the chance. Thank you again Eryka Stanton!

The basis of this weekend course was to determine our personality traits. It was stated and I believe that the particular traits that we take on are not just by chance or environmental. They are in fact part of our life plan to learn the lessons we are here to learn on the journey to enlightenment. Freedom. Acceptance. Being.

By establishing these traits we can determine exactly how and why we react the way we do to situations. What drives us. What upsets us. What triggers us. Angers us. Hurts us. Inspires us. It was described as a blue print to this lifetime. Exciting to say the least! And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. Some of the insights I got about myself were so deep, some a little unsettling, but so freeing.

So the basic run down is that every human being on the planet has 12 life long personality traits – archetypes – that help us to learn the life lessons we are here to learn. Other archetypes may come in and out in particular life stages or situations however they are temporary. Your 12 are for life. Every single human has 4 universal archetypes that are tied up with our basic needs for survival, on an energetic level.  The Child, The Victim, The Prostitute and The Saboteur. The other 8 are encoded at birth. The list of these archetypes is extensive and as society changes, so does the list. It is more about what resonates with how you see yourself.

The key to this process is to take any strong opinions out of the picture. I mean who would necessarily claim the prostitute? Society would have you believe it generally as negative.  But when you look into the archetype it is less about sex and more about trading in your values and morals in order to gain anything. Material or financial is usually where this is at. The level of fear that is behind the notion that if you do not sell that product, work for that company with questionable morals, conduct yourself in certain ways that don’t reflect your values and morals; these are all forms of prostitution. Well the negative side of prostitution. As everything in life there is a flip side. A light aspect to balance out the shadow. And that is how it was discussed. Every archetype has the ability to be expressed in either its light form or its shadow form. The light side to the Prostitute is having self worth, boundaries and integrity. Not surprisingly, when the shadow is being expressed – this in lies any of your life fears and pain, but is also where you will find the answer to gaining peace.

For instance through the process of finding my extra 8, I was blown away when “The Judge” kept coming up. This was not something that I wanted to take on. I always thought of myself as quite open, understanding and accepting. I had a strong negative emotional reaction to this archetype being attached to me as a person. In that moment, I completely forgot I had just learnt that the judge also has a light aspect to it. It seeks justice, standardisation and fairness across the board. It advocates for equality and seeks mediation and resolution. It is purely my perception that the judge is rigid, bossy and unwilling to listen to others points of view. And the kicker peeps, it is always when we project these things that it is a true reflection of self. So right there, it felt uncomfortable to hear about myself but a massive opportunity to learn and grow! And seriously, when you are completely real and honest with yourself it is the best feeling in the world. Pure acceptance of my true self. Carolyn Myss is where it is at for a great starting point in terms of literature on this topic if you want to have a read.

So after a while we got to talking about love and relationships. It was only myself and one other single girl in the room. It was explained that on that day when you decide to commit yourself to that other person, it is not just you and them but your 12 other friends and their 12 other friends deciding to love each other. And when you look at it like that, true love is just honestly quite phenomenal.

So I can’t force it. I can’t create it out of nothing. I have to trust what will be will be and it is exciting to think that my dream guy and his 12 friends are out their wondering where I and my 12 friends are too. But the best thing I can do now is to work on the notion of the law of attraction. Like seeks like. I attempt to not be sad I am ‘single’. It is an amazing opportunity for me to work at bringing all of my 12 friends into the light, so that when we attract someone new, the likeliness that they too will be in a place of light, is greatly increased. Don’t get me wrong, we’re all human. I don’t expect all sunshine and rainbows. I believe that like Shrek, all archetypes are like onions. They have multiple layers. But as you peel them back, they get smaller and easier to peel away. It still makes your eyes water, but it is definitely not for as long or as intense.

So if I want to attract what I really want than I will be what I think that amazing dream man will be. For I am looking for my equal. Someone to laugh with. Grow with. Enjoy life with. Ups, downs and all the in betweens.

So go tell your loved one you love them. And their 12 friends. Relationships never really get boring. Everyone has so many elements to them. There is always more to learn and a new layer of intimacy to be had. I hope if nothing else you leave this article and go to appreciate another layer of your love. Or of yourself.

Peace, love and light

Much love, Michelle xxx