Total Acceptance (3) – Victim

Ok so victim is more of an archetype or part of the personality than an emotion, but it is one we are well versed at acting out.

As a society we are pretty quick to pass the buck, blame and divert and deflect from our own bullshit. We are pretty good at acting like life just happens to us and we have no control over the outcome. In the corporate world, in our personal lives, in how we treat the planet, in how we treat ourselves.

As I started to learn about the “victim” element that resides in ALL of us, I initially rejected it. That actually makes me lol. Because that exact rejection was me acting out the victim traits.

But I kept telling myself “I am allowed to be a victim” “I am a victim”. I have been sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused. I am allowed to act out the victim. To make me feel better about all the shit that has gone down, I need those around me to feel sorry for me and make it all better. But I continuously learnt the hard way. If you put all that power in others hands, you are in for a big fall my friends.

Stepping into personal development, growth and enlightenment takes courage. To truly look at your stuff and take ownership of your emotions, actions, thoughts, beliefs and perceptions is as brave as it gets. So no wonder stepping into this space triggers our inner victim left right and centre.

If we look at the victim they are often perceived as powerless, weak, scared, all blaming, possibly even deserving of the bad that has happened to them. But as with everything in this universe; you can not give rise to these elements without the equal and opposite elements residing within in you. Every single thing you see within you both “good” and “bad” has, in the right circumstances, the ability to be expressed and acted out. Really think about that. Polarity is in everything. Duality. So therefore in the empowered version of the victim qualities are powerful, strong, courageous, ownership of self and awareness of life lessons and universal patterns.

So how do you get perspective and see where you are acting out in the disempowered or shadow aspect of victim?

  1. Expression: Watch how you are talking. Both internally and externally. Even in humour. The subconscious mind has no sense of humour. Here in Australia in particular it is common practice to joke about our perceived bad qualities, traits and misfortunes and thats ok too, but just check in occasionally and see how saying those things to yourself actually sits with how you want to feel in and about yourself.  An example of this is I would say if I made a mistake “Lucky I am cute” meaning I am not smart. But as I have become aware of my over expressed victim,, I feel an internal reaction in my body when I say this, yelling “HEY! Im very smart thank you!”
  2. Language: building on the last point watch the words you use. Common phrases “I can’t do that”, “I should do that”, “I am trying”, “I had to”, “they, he, she, made me feel…”. These are all statement that immediately give our power away. Rephrase this simply by just owing it. “I can’t” could be more that you actually haven’t tried, or you attempted it but feel you could do better next time, or you actually really don’t want to. Thats ok. But say it for what it is. “I should” – well says who? Do you want to for you? “I am trying” – this is an interesting one. It is good to have a go and try things but when you use this term as a means of justifying why you are in a place you are not comfortable, you’re actually not empowering yourself. Just say “I am taking this, this and this step to get to where I want to be”. “I had to” – simple. No you didn’t. We always have the power of choice. “They, he, she, made me feel…” no one can make you feel anything. You chose what emotions you allow yourself to attach to.
  3. Actions: simple bodily responses will enable the victim. So stand with your back straight. Head up. Eye contact where appropriate. Take up your space in the room. Don’t shrink to make others feel comfortable. Just allow yourself to be as equally as important as everyone else on this planet. You are!

See the thing that got me about this stuff, was it actually made me angry. But they did this this and this and that is wrong! Well the flip side of that is who the fuck am I to decide what is wrong. It was wrong by me, but essential for both my and their journey. Therefore my power is in getting to now chose to no longer be around those people, places, situations or take on those emotions that don’t serve me.

You have this power within you too. I promise. Allow yourself to shine.

The world needs your glow. And always remember the over expressed victim has a right too. Don’t shame it. But empower it to be free so you can live in self power, love and peace.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

 

 

 

Total Acceptance (2) – Guilt

There are many profound quotes around the emotion of guilt.

  • Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body ~ Elder David A. Bednar
  • Guilt is anger directed at ourselves for what we did or did not do ~ Peter McWilliams
  • Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death ~ Coco Chanel
  • Guilt is always hungry; don’t let it consume you ~ Terri Guillemets

Then there is the dictionary definition:

  • a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offence, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

To me, whilst they are all valid, they don’t give huge scope to identifying and shifting the feeling within.

Guilt for me has featured in many parts of my life, but none compare to the guilt we can put on ourselves as parents. When I decided to follow my heart and part ways with the father of my kids the guilt that followed was immense. Basically I wondered if I had  completely screwed up these perfect little humans for life with my “selfish” choices.

But guilt comes in many forms and it doesn’t need to be a big scenario such as mine in order to trigger it. Guilt is either when you yourself feel you haven’t lived up to your own values and morals OR; that of someone you have allowed to have power over how you see yourself.

How many of us feel guilty for eating dessert? For flirting with that person at work? For drinking too much on a night out? For not making it to the kids assembly because you had to work? For accidentally sharing information about someone you weren’t supposed to? For saying not so nice things about others? For not helping those who have looked out for you? For living in a nice house when your friends and family may not? And so on and so on…

And that is just what we do to ourselves. What about the dynamics in which we allow others to project their ideals onto us and if we don’t live up to them we feel guilty for “letting them down” or “not making them proud” or whatever else they try and pull over you and you allow yourself to take on.

I know I have had to check myself as a mum when I have pulled the whole “You will do as I say – I went through 28 hours of labour for you!” bullshit. Or as a partner the more subtle “even though I have slaved away all day cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids – sure go out with your mates”. All along hoping the passive aggressive guilt trip will do the trick and he would indeed stay home and help. Not surprisingly, it never worked.

Although these types of dynamics can be tricky to navigate as always, the most powerful thing we can ever do to neutralise such a ‘dis-ease’ as guilt is to look to our own internal environment.

Our internal environment is all about layers. The lens or perception that we look at situations in our environment colours everything we do. Whether you are aware or not. If you are operating in fear you will consistently behave in reactive ways to stimuli instead of being thought out and responsive. Many of us know this, but boy-oh-boy when a strong low vibrational energy comes in such as guilt, how many of us sit in that energy. Think about it. Entertain it. Dissect it. Imagine different scenarios around it. And blame, shame and bash ourselves up for not doing better in the first place.

But that is ok. Because this space is the exact place of power. When you are guilting yourself for something; anything – start small – maybe having two pieces of cake at the birthday party, or forgetting to ask your friend how the first day at their new job was – STOP. And tell yourself this new truth.

Guilt is beneficial. That is right! It is not BAD. It is necessary. It is there to show you that the situation involved does not align to who you are. The purest form of you. Your soul. It is purely a little life lesson that instead of feeding with self- shaming behaviours and begging for forgiveness; you just simply need to acknowledge, show some compassion and take steps to alter the outcome in future similar situations.

Acknowledging your emotion of guilt for what it is, is beyond powerful. I have done a lot of work around this with my separation and subsequent unsuccessful romantic relationships. Yes I made mistakes but I am learning. We never stop learning and growing. And mostly I have learned to see guilt as an integral part of my own internal compass that is guiding me to lead the life I truly desire to live.

In every possible way.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

http://www.soulboundtm.com

Total Acceptance (1) – Jealousy

One of the toughest parts of learning to love ourselves in our entirety, is the complexity of self shaming. When we look outside of ourselves for validation or acknowledgment. When we look to society and our environment to dictate and mould how our lives should look. If we ourselves do not feel we measure up to these perceived ideals of our external environment, we tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. We tell ourselves we are not enough.

We all walk our own path. Have our own unique dynamics, experiences and lessons that help guide the lens in which we look at this world. In order to shift our perception from struggle, pain, fear and ego to light and love for all that is, we know that the first step to change is acknowledgement. This is well documented. Personal growth starts with owning your shit and the willingness to take action to change it.

However, often once we start to truly look into all parts of ourselves and what makes us tick we undoubtedly uncover deep parts within us that we don’t really like or want to own. These thoughts, beliefs, actions and emotions are equally a part of us as the cool, fun, shiny stuff we appreciate about ourselves; and behind the dark exterior, its power to propel us to the life we truly want is palpable.

So this week lets look into the emotion of JEALOUSY. This is a widely shamed emotion to express. Often called the root of all evil, a disease, a monster, a curse only experienced by those who have no self esteem. If you express jealousy, you are automatically seen as weak. It is almost a taboo emotion and one that triggers a huge amount of self shaming behaviours.

Unfortunately, the intensity is increased due to the double nature of the emotion in which we not only feel bad in ourselves for feeling that way but we are also harbouring negativity toward the person or situation we are in fact jealous of. Clearly, this results in one big cycle of negative energy and suppression.

As is my intention behind all that I do, I like to express something real. Something for you, the reader to connect to. To understand that I am speaking both from a place of knowledge and understanding. Something authentic and relatable. This week jealousy reared its intriguing head into my consciousness and I have had an interesting experience unpacking it.

This time it was amongst friends. Being the only single mum in the group and busy juggling all the things that I am choosing to do in this stage of my life, my social life has taken a bit of a back seat. And although I have chosen this, it did not help me rationalise why I was feeling left out and jealous when I did see my friends and I had no idea what most of the conversations were about. Plans were being made without me and group texts had differed to ones in which I was no longer included. As I was sitting at a dinner with them for the first time in a while and I wasn’t following any of the conversation, I began to feel that deep old emotion of jealousy rising up.

Now I would place bets that every single person reading this has experienced this feeling at one point or another. Some people feel it more often than others, and you know what? Thats ok!

The thing is, the friendships, careers and romantic partners we seek out as adults are not by chance. We are drawn to or repelled from personality types and people based on the dynamics we experienced in our childhood years. It is this intricately amazing life that our unconsciousness weaves for us so we can be presented with situations that can keep us “safe” in our patterns of old. Or, when you are ready to look at it like this, give us the opportunities to grow and heal any parts of ourselves that are not fulfilled.

Jealousy will surface in situations in which these old wounds are triggered. And lets be honest it actually makes you feel yuk. Inside and out. Its one of the lower vibrational emotions so it makes sense that it just brings you down. You and those around you. Its heavy.

So if you add to the heaviness with more self blame, shame, misdirected anger and projection you will inevitably only add to its weight.

The only way to lighten the load of a low vibrational energy is to show it the light. Shower in it. Be honest with yourself. If you feel it come up, be compassionate. Ultimately, it is a small child part of yourself expressing that they are feeling insecure. That they are not feeling enough. That they need to be loved. Not shamed and pushed down or away.

Find a safe place and EXPRESS IT. Let it out. In a healthy way. Not screaming or sulking. This will only make you feel worse again. In my situation I chose to express it directly to those involved and it has been a great experience for my growth journey. But you may chose a professional, a safe friend or family member or even just acknowledging it to yourself and show yourself some love.

It never ceases to amaze me how the intensity of these emotions lessens immediately once we allow ourselves the space to express it. Without judgment. Then show gratitude for what you do have and feed the things in your world that bring you joy.

Jealousy does not make you evil. It does not make you a monster. It doesn’t mean you are cursed. It doesn’t make you all darkness. It makes you a perfectly divine soul just living out your journey in this human experience. Just like the rest of us.

Go easy on yourself.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

Triggering Strengths

If you look into many of the careers of the most compassionate, effective, highly regarded psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, life coaches and social workers they are often so tuned into their niche, as they have experienced some or many of the aspects in which they facilitate. They understand the process from both sides of the fence. They have figured out the genuine link between the phenomenon that our greatest strengths can also trigger our greatest emotional responses.

As I seek and relinquish to be of service in this profession and soul purpose, I am the first to realise that my area of both strength and massive learning and growth opportunities, is connection.

I have spoken on multiple occasions about this through this blog and on my social media.  Connection. The reason behind all that I am doing. Connection to self. Connection in love. Connection in family. Connection in friendships. Connection to professions. Connection to the community. The arts. Humanity. Mother nature. The Universe.

And as the universe is so kind and loving and wants me to learn and grow, this week has been a series of events around this very topic in multiple facets of my life. Friends, family and career have all featured in this weeks soul lessons.

I uncomfortably voiced to my friends some of the personal stuff thats been going on for me. Vulnerability, although I am so aware of it’s power, is still not always comfortable and I started by pushing them away. They, as the keepers do, came back in full force and surrounded me with love. I am blessed. A lesson that connection is safe.

Career was an interesting one. I attended a talk by some local inspiring entrepreneurs that I admire both the business model and the philosophies and culture behind all that they do. Throughout they kept weaving in the importance of connection with those that inspire you and can help you both personally and professionally to grow. I was on the edge of my seat really involved in all that was being said; until the end of the talk arrived and we were invited to come and say hello. I completely shifted gears. Anxiety took over and I rushed for the exit. I kicked myself the whole way home. What a wasted opportunity for connection and networking with people who have been where I am and have gotten to where I want to be.

So, I snapped out of it. I couldn’t undo what had happened but I could still influence what is to come with my actions right then and there. So I stalked them online, got emails and sent them a open honest email about all I just wrote. How inspired I was by them. How much I got from the talk and how I let my fear get the better of me in that moment. I still felt a bit bummed as I took myself off to bed. But when I left work the next day I was floored.

Not only did they respond, they checked out my blog, my website and were full of praise and encouragement. Along with the offer for guidance whenever I need it and that next time I can pass on even a hand shake and go straight for a hug!

OMG I knew they were my kind of people! Beautiful souls, willing to share, nourish, guide and encourage others to live their full potential. Keepers. Another strong example that connection is safe.

The final and by far and away the most soul cleansing of the week, my father. A strong hard working man from the old school generation in which although we are loved immensely, he held his cards close to his chest. When he was not working the farm, which was rare, he was not one to display affection. I have played this dynamic over and over in my life with other males. No ones fault. Just our journey. But today he rang me. I was out with the kids so asked him to call me back. Then my anxiety peaked. Why was he calling? Was something wrong? Is he sick? Even I was shocked at the intensity of the stress I was putting myself through. I was expecting the worst.

So when he rang back all of 45 of the longest minutes later, I was ready to shut down. He seemingly picked up on my demeanour and proceeded to do all the talking! This is generally my domain. But he had my back. He eased me in and we ended up connecting for a good 36 minute chat! I can not express how huge this is. How cathartic and cleansing for me. And for him. That I believe.

I can see that as I work through these things within myself, those around me have either stepped up to show me strength and support or have eased and softened towards me. The stayers in my world are moulding with me. Those that were meant to come and go have done so or will do so. I am happy. I am safe. And I am always connected.

It is this that I look forward to growing into even further and sharing with every soul I am blessed enough to come across in my experience. I truly feel, think, know and believe that my journey, my lessons, my experience and now studies and skill set will allow me to be of such great service to so many of us that feel a lack of connection and are ready to feel again.

In this world, we are increasingly disconnected. Busy is glorified. Most of our daily interactions are through a screen. Many of us coast through assuming that that lack or  wanting for something else is just a normal part of existing. But I am here to tell you it is not. I doesn’t have to feel that way.

Connection is safe. And it is the basis of all strength, love, joy and passion in this wondrous experience we are blessed to call life.

Live it.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

 

Re-Framing Change

Change is inevitable. There is no moment just like the one that is happening right now. You will never be the same age as you are right this second. Life is constantly evolving. This we know. So why do we so often resist change as if it is our enemy?

I heard an interesting summary about energy and change lately that really stuck with me. I was listening to a blockage clearing workshop by Christie Marie Sheldon and as with a lot she says, it is the way she says it that seems to just get through to me.

We (humans) are just a mass of energy; vibrating molecules constantly in a state of change…So when we get stuck, when we resist change – just IMAGINE how much energy that takes to try and fight against the natural state. The natural state of constant change.

Yet here we are, fixed in our minds, fixed in our beliefs, fixed in our actions and fixed in our day to day routines and programming that we are conditioned to believe is the only way to live our lives. Many of us are now awakened to the notion that we are not fulfilled in the lives we are leading. But most of us want a quick fix and seek these short term solutions or bold promises of inner peace, a life of abundance and change in “x” amount of time. And then when they don’t work – FAST – we give up hope and go back to the old way. The conditioned way. But what if we re-framed the way we look at the concept of change. What if we appreciated that we are in fact innately wired to go with the flow. That it is purely environmental conditioning that has lead us to consider otherwise.

This road to finding self is by far and away the most important thing a soul (human) can do in order to make a true difference in this world. In saying that; it can be confusing. It can be overwhelming. It can be frustrating. It can be uninviting. It can be full of bullshit and assholes. It can be misguided. It can be very far from the nurturing, open, accepting, growing, peaceful journey it is made out to be.

Then throw in our own inner shit on top and no wonder many of us run back to retreat in what was.

Change can be big. Change can seem scary. But this is how I am re-framing the concept of change in order to show people they are kicking goals on a daily basis. Even if you don’t feel like it.

INTENTION. DIRECTION. BELIEF. ACTION. Whilst all parts reflect upon each other, this is how I have documented the process occurring. With each step giving you a great step to both reflect on and launch from.

You see as soon as you set an INTENTION to change, as soon as life pushes you to the point where you no longer want to deal with things the way that they are; all the nuggets of gold you need to walk through to get from where you are to where you want to be will become apparent. An intent to change is in fact change. As it is a different way of thinking for you. Acknowledge that. Celebrate that.

This INTENTION will immediately put you into a DIRECTION as you seek to find the right pathway for you. Although this can seem overwhelming at times as you sift through the copies amounts of information available to us in this day and age, when the intent is strong enough and further change is what is best for you at this given moment at some point something will jump out at you. It will resonate. Even if it is for the short term. Celebrate it. Being open minded for new information is change!

When we find a DIRECTION in an area we are seeking solutions and answers and comfort in and it resonates with us on a deep and meaningful level, we begin to allow ourselves to open up to all the possibilities this new way of living can bring. Thus we allow our BELIEF structures to be more flexible in order to align with this new found direction. Getting to the core of beliefs can be a life time of work as they often have many layers, but this doesn’t mean don’t celebrate the opening and flexibility and breaking down of these beliefs that no longer serve our soul.

The inspiration we allow ourselves to feel if we embrace the previous elements, will without question lead to further ACTION. As we seek to learn, feel, experience and grow more into this new awareness and knowing. All the while facilitating all these elements of change.

The key here, is to celebrate every element. It doesn’t have to be that you have to get to exactly where you want to be immediately. Celebrate the journey along the way. And don’t let the little hiccups or apparent lack of big victories to dishearten you and keep you stuck in what was.

Because change is a constant. So save yourself a lot of time, energy and drama and just go with the flow. Your flow.

I’ll be here to facilitate you all the way http://www.soulboundtm.com

Love and light, Michelle

 

Heart Chakra; SoulBound; Blog Post; Self Awareness

A Broken Heart Is An Open Heart

As we grow and become more self aware, the lessons we are here to learn seem to get somewhat easier. As you come into your truth, the synchronicities align and you flow at one with life.

In saying this, life is life and a blow to my heart this week had me physically hunched over and grabbing at my heart space as if I needed to support its weight.

I am an empath. I feel. It’s what I do. And I don’t do it in halves either. Everything is magnified in the most beautifully emotional of ways and I have learned to hold this part of me in high regard. In a world of people trying to zone out of their truth with deflection and numbing I am way more inclined to go in and figure out why it is being experienced the way it is. Hence my path of energy work and mind body soul coaching.
So when I received the validation I was still loved by the guy I wanted to hear it from I was outwardly trying to be cool. I mean I know the roller coaster we have joined each other on. But inside I was clutching. Will this time be different? Will he really hold true to my interpretation of the true meaning of these words and hold the space that comes along with it? Has he finally seen that I am an important part of his life and he is willing to risk his fears and put himself in the arena? Was he finally ready to be truly vulnerable?
So I laid in hope. Waiting with baited breath for the next conversation. And in less than a 24 turn- around he had again expressed that he was not ready to be in that with me. And you know what? It’s ok. I already knew deep down that that was the outcome and that this was how it was going to play out.
But that knowledge doesn’t stop the pain of a broken heart does it? It doesn’t stop you wanted to curl up stay in bed and replay all the things that maybe could’ve changed the outcome. This time however, I can see what needs to be different.
As well as the usual, needing to give myself more love,  acknowledge I am seeking outside validation and all the growth and awareness I have acquired around these “I am not enough” trigger points, this time I decided to do this different. This time I was going to really process it. Like fully. How many fucking times have I lived this cycle in my days and I have never been rewarded with the outcome I so strongly desire. To be loved and shown love by the man of my choosing without any conditions.
So time to heed my own advice: If you always do what you always did; then you’ll always get what you always got.
What is the first thing we often experience in times of pain? Like when something emotionally rocks us? We feel it in our body don’t we. You physically react. Face in hands. Hand to heart. Aching stomach. Headaches. Tiredness. Numbness. Out of body experiences. Shoulder tension. Any massive number of ailments. Physical markers that your energy, emotional and spiritual bodies are struggling to integrate the energy playing out within and around you.
And as these stage scenes are more often than not just replays of the same energy patterns just with different co-stars and sets, we take it on as further evidence to support our beliefs that life is exactly how we perceive it to be.
It is the cold, unloving, unfair, uncertain, unsafe environment we have designed it to be. And in that we are living as reactive egos that have disempowered ourselves to the act of choice. We ALWAYS have the power of choice.
So when he muttered the time old words down the phone that things had indeed not changed, I physically recoiled and once again I wanted to myself shut down. I felt myself deciding that this just further proved I was simply never enough for someone. That I was not loved unconditionally and that no one will love me just for being me.
But for me this time I could clearly see I had a choice to make. Sounds easy right. Until you’re in it. However this time, I was responsive. I have chosen to keep my heart open. I acknowledged him and his feelings. It is his journey after all. I acknowledged that we are indeed wanting two completely different experiences when it comes to love. I acknowledged that I am not what he needs in his experience any longer as much as he is no longer what I need. We learnt our lessons. It is time to let go. But this holds no bearing at all to either of our worth. I, and he, will be more than enough for the right person. And I am more than enough in myself.
So challenge. Next time you feel yourself physically respond to an emotional situation; or next time something emotional comes up – stop, shut your eyes and scan through your body. What exactly are you feeling and where exactly are you feeling it? The answer to this tells me a lot about where the belief sits in you and where it was acquired.
So I laid there. I felt it in my stomach (childhood belief – self worth), I felt it in my heart (yearning, repeated learnings, self love needs to be activated), then I gave myself Reiki to ensure my energy was flowing. Then I did a guided mediation around opening the heart chakra and allowing myself to both give and receive love. Then I anchored it into my body with a beautiful song that I know the day I get married will be in our ceremony playlist.
This doesn’t necessarily have to be the actions you take, this works for me. But the point is to remain open. Breathe life into that space. Fill it with the energy of life. The breath. Self love. Faith that everything is happening exactly the way it needs to be just for you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.
The shift isn’t necessarily around it not hurting any more. We are human. You should be concerned if you don’t feel your emotions. The shift is around me realising that it is not me that is not enough. It is the situation that is not enough for me.
Keep your heart open. Have faith. You are always enough. You always have been and you always will be. All you have to do is allow the energy to flow.
Give and receive in balance.
Love and light,
Michelle xxx

Meditation For The Real World

Meditation. Commonly discussed. Becoming more commonly practiced. Many have tried it. But how many have stuck with it? How many of us in Western society find or make the time to make this a daily feature of our lives?

These days we are as a society becoming more aware of the benefits of such practices. In the go go go nature of our daily lives the need to “come home”  “check in” and “centre” ourselves has become increasingly understood, important and necessary.

We know this. But how may of us are actively doing it?

I know I have been guilty of this. I get new information. I immerse myself. I love it. I see the benefits. And then I drop off. I think, “I’m doing so well, I don’t need to do this as often or as diligently anymore”. I know I am not alone. It is human nature and I have seen it time and time again. We see the benefits, we think we are masters and all is fixed and good in our world again so we give ourselves permission to slack off. And I am not just talking about meditation. We do it with so many things that are good for us but take time and commitment to maintain.

How many of us have gym memberships we start out hounding and then before you know it, it drops off and then all of a sudden it is just another expense we pay for without needing to, but cancelling it would make us acknowledge the fact we are lying to ourselves and haven’t actually been inside the premises for many months. Health retreats are also big business these days. And they are wonderful educational amazing experiences don’t get me wrong. I have been blessed with going to some of the best in the Southern Hemisphere. And I always learn a heap, reconnect with myself, feel amazing and grow from the experience. But after a couple of weeks back home many of the new found lessons have fallen by the wayside as every day life again takes hold.

Change takes time and diligence. Not a weekend seminar. Not a week long retreat. Yes they are brilliant for the mind, body and soul and to reconnect with self but how many things to we keep for the long haul? After the initial false empowerment and perceived change how many of us actually make fundamental life long shifts?

I ask this often. As I slowly implement self love and growth into my daily life I am constantly seeking things that allow me to connect to that side of myself as well as being able to take part in my day to day activities and society as a whole.

It is all well to be zen in a zen place. Bringing it into your daily life is a whole other ball game. That is why I believe what I decided to do this weekend was a game changer.

Guys, I had an insanely eye opening experience this weekend that I think is going to really aid in changing the face of the often seemingly illusive goal of achieving majorly zen meditation sessions. The course – called CBM (Core Body Mind) Mediation was created and run by Jeremy O’Carroll founder of Om Reiki here in Melbourne, Australia.

Rather than me trying to deliver what it entails I will leave it to the expert. Heres a clip of his explanation of the concepts behind the theory and development and some of the methods he introduces.

As for my experience…

It delivered. I mean again I could be all wrapped up in the newness of it. But it really doesn’t feel like that. And I have been around the block a fair few times with short courses and workshops etc and I have jumped on a fair few bandwagons. But this is doable. Its practical. The benefits are obvious and immediate and you can easily slowly build the momentum incrementally without feeling like you are missing out on other things in your life you either want or need to do. You integrate this method into your day! That is the beauty of it. You are not sitting solo in a far away place away from everything and everyone you have ever known (which at times can feel like it would be heaven lol – but not practical for most).

Accessible, practical spirituality. That is totally a game changer in my opinion.

Hope it resonates with you and if you want any further information or details don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Love and light, Michelle xx

http://www.soulboundtm.com

 

Recognising Lesson Cycles

People, places, situations change; energy doesn’t. This is the exact line my first spiritual mentor used to say to me as I would sit across from him trying to make sense of why I felt and behaved in the ways I did and do.

Honestly at the time, this line would often infuriate me. I didn’t get it and all I wanted was an answer to my question. A solution to my problem. Some straight up CLARITY! At the time, I didn’t realise that that was exactly what he was giving me. He was planting the seed. He held no attachment to when that seed sprouted and took a life of its own. And as all personal growth can only be; it was up to me to water and nurture that seedling until it was strong enough to break through the soil of perceived life dramas and out into the open air and light. Into real living.

Another step forward or shift has happened in me of late. I had felt down. Low. Defeated. But with all my skills, knowledge and self belief I pulled myself around to move further into my growth and freedom. And the turn around is getting easier and easier. Not easy. But easier.

Part of the worry is that I am not necessarily feeling like my old self. I know thats the whole point right! Lol. But the thing is as I have previously mentioned it is scary to think that you may move away, leave or even outgrow people. Letting go is scary and hard. We long for what we know and our comfort zone. The familiar. Even if it doesn’t serve us and the reality is nowhere near where we truly want to be, it somehow feels safe.

Again people have popped up to show they are not necessarily comfortable with the journey that I am on. That they possibly thought it would be a phase and I would go back to my status quo. I understand now more than ever that change in one affects so many around us. Never underestimate the ripple affect you have on your immediate world and the world as a whole.

Many of us seek the spiritual world or something outside of ourselves when we are struggling. But as the initial pain eases and we think things are better or improved it is easier to stop the discovery journey and settle into the new space you find yourself in. Often if people around you once sort solace in the spiritual realm and then moved away from it when they felt better, that place can seem to have a negative connotation to it. It is a place you go when you feel lost or sad. So their concern from their perception is an understandable one. Coming from a place of love. They don’t want you in a dark place and they don’t want you sad.

But seemingly forgotten is that this is a never ending journey. There are steps. Lessons. Ever evolving changes. And whether you like it or not if you are meant to deal with it the situations will arise in order for you to do so. And past the place of understanding on the surface level is an even deeper connection. A certain empowerment that once you get a taste for, you are hooked. Indescribable unless experienced I guess. A little bit like the “only a surfer knows the feeling” philosophy. Except it’s all happening within. No need to wait for mother nature to provide the perfect conditions. They are always already in you.

So my repeat soul lesson from this above scenario of being concerned I am concerning others, is the same old thing that I deal with in every facet of my life over and over again. Should I put others needs in front of my own in order to “maintain being loved”.

This pops up everywhere in my life. In relationships. At work. In my family. With friends. With my children. On social media. In this blog. I have recurring situations in which I constantly question myself on if I am true to myself do I risk not being loved.

Well I can honestly say its becoming more and more a risk I am willing to take! Real love is always around me. The people who stay in my life are the ones that are supposed to. I trust that I am loved and that I am safe. And most importantly I am giving that to myself by ensuring my decisions are all aligned to what I want and need.

So how do you recognise your life lessons? Firstly, I highly recommend, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Not always fun, not always easy. But essential in life.

  • Write down the areas of your life that you are not happy with or that have really affected you in the past.
  • Systematically, go through the list.
  • With each scenario, close your eyes. Take the story out of your mind and connect to the feeling. Place one hand on your gut and one on your heart. What are they telling you? What is it that you feel you need in this space that you are currently not believing is or was there?
  • Open your eyes and write down the first thing that comes up. Don’t filter yourself. Just write.

Do this for each of the scenarios and it would be extremely normal to find some patterns emerging. There may be multiple lessons embedded in these scenarios. But it will bring some clarity to what these areas are.

It is so easy to get caught up in the he said, she said, he/she didn’t do, say, think, act exactly how I wanted them to in order for me to get what I think I want saga.

Well if you take ownership of that and acknowledge that the only person who knows and can consistently deliver what you want and need is YOU, then the real journey to empowerment begins.

This in lies exactly what my mentor was outlining to me all those 11 years ago. It does not matter who is in front of you – husband, wife, father, mother, boss, friend, colleague, stranger. It doesn’t matter where you are – home, work, in a mansion, in commission housing, in a bar, on holiday, stuck in a rut. It doesn’t matter what the situation – romantic dynamic, work dynamic, in a spa at a resort talking with friends, on the sporting field, on a yoga retreat.

Life is going to happen and you are going to be triggered. And the energy at play will be down to whatever your experience has been in order for the lessons you need to learn to play out. You are going to – whether you like it or not – have emotional and energetic feelings to outside stimuli. And the ONLY thing you can control in every single scenario… is your response.

Not the energy. Nope. That will still be there. It will always still be fear of rejection or not feeling appreciated or not being enough. Or whatever it may be for you. That will always be in you.

What changes is your attachment to it. Or how much you continue to believe it to be true.

Are you with me? Get in touch and lets work through decreasing the strength of these  attachments. Life is so much lighter on the other side of holding on and fear:) http://www.soulboundtm.com

Love and light, Michelle xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Simply Trying We Are Successful

Now we’ve become quite the generations of preachers haven’t we? And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t one of them. And that’s all good. We’re a passionate bunch and I love passion. But SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of us (myself included) are so good at giving advice and completely shit at listening to our own wisdom.

I know there are multiple reasons for this, usually something to do with us being to emotionally attached to our own situations to see them from a rational standpoint, but there are elements of this that I think we as adults could get better at right away.

I am talking about resilience. How many of you would call yourself a resilient person? I have always considered myself to be. And in some ways I am. I mean I’m still kicking around with a smile on my face despite some pretty heavy stuff going down in my life. But isn’t that all of us? Haven’t we all got some pretty heavy stuff going on? Well many of us anyway.

My children go to a school where one of the core values is RESILIENCE. You know the thing whereby we just keep getting up and dusting ourselves off regardless of how seemingly huge the obstacles are. The will, the want, the knowhow to get to the goals we want to achieve.

Kids are insanely resilient. They face so many new things every day and they more often then not go at it full force or at least give it a crack. They make new friends easily. They learn how to read and write. To do Maths and sports. Swimming. Art. Music. And a multitude of other things. All the while with their hopefully supportive teachers, classmates, parents and families there by their sides reassuring them that it is safe to have a go.

Does this one sound familiar? “It’s only failure if you stop trying” …or  “failure is not the outcome; failure is not trying to begin with” ….

As parents and elders in the community we spout many saying such as these to the younger generation. And its all good and well. They are inspiring messages. But I want you to stop right now and ask yourself; Do you feel you are following the same approach to your day to day life?

Are you where you want to be? If no… are you taking action to change the situation you are in or are you just continuously talking about it, complaining about it and hoping it will all change on its own?

We want the next generation to be the best, happiest most content versions of themselves. But why does that have to mean our time has past?

I am 32 years young and often in conversation with people of similar ages I hear stories of defeat. Of how they wish they could go back and change the course of what has happened. I used to speak like that too. But now I come from a place of NO WAY do I want to go back! I wouldn’t have learnt all the lessons I have learnt and be the person I am today without those experiences; win or failure or indifferent.

Every single thing we have experienced in this life was leading you to somewhere. I encourage you to sit down and write a list of three things:

  1. WINS/ACCOMPLISHMENTS
  2. CHALLENGES/AREAS FOR GROWTH – perceived failures I just don’t love the word
  3. EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE HAD AN IMPACT ON YOU IN SOME WAY

Look at the list. Study it. I almost hands down guarantee that all these three areas will tie together and if you look at it extensively enough it may even give you a little sense of direction or purpose. It may inspire you to utilise your life skills in a new and more inspiring or exciting way. Or you may just feel blessed at the life you have already created and want to keep living.

Either way, its a really interesting exercise and helps to shift perspective on our life overall. Many of us have achieved and experienced so much more than we give ourselves credit for. And it is often this lack of worthiness that colours our world and gets a into this place where we stop trying new things.

I think we often make the ideal of success so seemingly far out of our reach it is often so far from where we are we think what is the point of even starting. Its time to change the mindset of what success actually is. Break it down. Make every little win a reason to celebrate and every perceived challenge or “failure” an opportunity to learn.We stop putting ourselves out there through fear of failing or embarrassing ourselves.

But I say enough. You get one chance in this body. Live it the way you want to! Do stuff that makes you excited. Makes you feel alive. Inspires you. Brings a grin to your face and gets you bubbling with enthusiasm and excitement.

Whatever it may be! Just have a go!

I’ll leave you this week with this. Its a link to a clip of me teaching myself to play keyboard. I am by no means great but I love to have a sing and it makes me happy. So why shouldn’t I give it a go!

Love and Light, Michelle xxx

The Fear Rationale

Fear. Procrastination inducer. Self saboteur ring leader. Keeper to the gates around ones heart. Anxiety generator. Instigator of blame. Projection master.

Yet at key times; our closest ally.

It is said we are only born with two types of fears. Fear of falling and fear of loud noises. If I am to break this down for you; have you ever felt you’ve been teetering on the brink of REM sleep and suddenly either with or without you remembering what triggers it you are suddenly jolted awake? It felt like you fell. Maybe you remember what was happening in your dream, maybe you don’t. But your unconscious is telling you it felt like you fell; OR have you ever jumped out of your skin at a loud noise? Even if you see all the events that lead up to the noise being created or you have experienced that noise before on multiple occasions yet it still startles you.

I always found these experiences so intriguing. After the initial shock of it all that is. It feels so real. Like even though on one level you can rationalise the experience it FEELS SO REAL. So when I heard this explanation that resonated with me, my interest in this whole phenomenon of fear spiked.

So two types of fear they say… You see it is thought by many in the spiritual and the scientific world that these fears are indeed innate. Encoded in our DNA. They exist in all human beings as survival mechanisms. The fear of falling is thought to stem from the experience of our soul dropping down into our body and trying to figure out exactly how to shift into this new state. From light to physical matter. Survival mode. As once in the human form, the act of falling from any great height challenges our very mortality.

The fear of loud noises is also encoded as a survival technique. Loud noises can often signify or alert us to danger and the need for the sympathetic nervous system flight or flight to kick in. Take a read below.

http://edition.cnn.com/2015/10/29/health/science-of-fear/

So think about this for a moment. All the other fears and phobias we experience as human beings are down to environmental conditioning. All of them. Every single thing outside of falling (or heights/skydiving/anything that results in possible falling) or loud noises is not a fear you have to just live with. It is not something you just have to accept as part of yourself and lose out on some valuable life experiences due to it.

Now you may be saying I am ok with not going near spiders or snakes or doing public speaking. And that may be fine. Like any change things generally need to get uncomfortable in the status quo before we seek to alter it. But I am talking here more about the less discussed fears. The ones we don’t like to own up to. The ones we will do almost anything to avoid even acknowledging let alone working to dissolve them. Those buggers are the worst. Or are they? Depends, as always, on perception.

This past month the Consciousness Coaches and myself have been set a challenge by our leader (ha didn’t mean that to sound extra terrestrial but we are all amazingly out of this world!;) It was called the FUCK FEAR CHALLENGE. Every single day for 30 days we were held accountable by ourselves and each other to post on our group page one fear we faced that day and any action we took around leaning into it. And let me tell you no word of a lie; it was one of the most PROFOUND things I have ever been a part of.

Every single one of us made some massive shifts. We let go of things that no longer serve us. We acknowledged parts of ourselves we were ashamed of or scared of sharing out of fear of being rejected or unlovable. We faced financial survival fears. Attachment to material things. The desire for material things. Allowing in love. Being seen. Expressing around the notion of not being enough. Facing people who had done wrong by us. Boundary building. Workplace shifts. Standing up and holding our own space when we weren’t being respected. Speaking our truth to those close to us. Learning when to save our energy and just exit the situation. Learning to honour our bodies and our urges……The list goes on and on and on. The shifts were incredible and oh so freakin inspiring! And let me tell you they all come back to the environmental ideas we create that if we are not (*insert whatever you tell yourself here) we wont be loved, accepted, connected and hence part of the tribe.

But the one thing we all agreed on at the end was how incredible the lens of fear can be. How crippling. How strong. But how wonderful it is too. It honestly became our friend.

Without fear there is no motivation. No driving force. No incentive to change. No hope for a different outcome or future. Without fear there is no way that any of us would ever actually grow. We would all just be happy cruising along in our standard little lives never really experiencing all the things that life has to offer. Not truly LIVING! GROWING! EVOLVING!

So next time you notice a fear come up in you, jot it down. Sit with it. What is it trying to protect you from? Some will be rational. Some irrational. But what is it truly masking? Because it is sitting in you as a catalyst for change. It is exciting. It is your future. And you can take it, acknowledge it and then pop it aside so you can step even more into your light every single time.

The choice is all yours. Are you willing?

Love and light, Michelle xxx