Signs, Lessons and Roundabouts

Life is grand… everything is going along exactly as I had hoped and planned. I am kicking goals and ticking boxes left, right and centre. It has been so much growth in such a short time, and this week I stepped it up a notch again. I signed with a mentor that will push me and help me fill the gaps in my business knowledge. I was asked to join a social therapy group team and I ran my first solo workshop.

However in the back of my mind, I am acutely aware at this point in time I am scared, no TERRIFIED, of my greatness.

I see an amazing Kinesiologist. One of my many mentors and teachers. She came to see me as a client and had a great session but what she said to me after resonated as I knew it was the truth. She commented that she could FEEL I was shielding some of my light. Like I was holding back. Not completely stepping into my power. A theme that has run through my life.

Up until recently I, like many, was comfortable living in victim mentality. Where life just happens to us and we really don’t have any control over our outer circumstances and how we think and behave. But lately it hasn’t been enough for me anymore and I have thrown myself into life where I am creating the reality that lights me up.

That being said, the rest of your life, patterns and experiences don’t just disappear and today it all welled up. All the what ifs. What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? What if I succeed but nobody I love is ok with my new life? Why is it so hard for me? Why does everyone else seem to get it easy?

It is amazing the bullshit that we throw into the mix when we are bashing ourselves up.

So reluctantly, I took myself out of the house to go to a coffee date I had organised many weeks ago. My first ever client, now friend, that was my guinea pig for my Super Soul Sessions. Two seconds in she could see I wasn’t myself and honestly I wasn’t doing a great job of pretending otherwise. Despite the fact we are now friends, I still put all these expectations on myself as to how I “should” behave in front of her.

But I was in it and as unbelievably uncomfortable as it made me, the self proclaimed “fixer” in the dynamic, I wasn’t in a space to pull myself up. So she whisked me out the cafe door to go and find nature.

As we walked along and she made small talk as I gave nothing back, she stopped and began to chuckle. I looked up. “You’re fucking kidding me!” I proclaimed.

There right in the window of a random store on the side of the road was a giant rug. In coloured writing it simply said “Open Up Your Heart”. ¬†“Well I have to say, you always get such clear signs from the universe Michelle” she said.

Well that was it. I began to cry. We walked a little further until my tears turned into sobs and I sat myself down on a tram stop bench. She sat next to me as I lent over and cried on her shoulder.

We sat in silence for a bit. Then as if I was sitting with Yoda, she began to speak.

“You know your intuition is quite remarkable Michelle. You sat yourself down in front of a building site. Look at all the big signs right in front of you! It is so relevant!”

We began to laugh. The signs were like “Take care – deep excavation in progress” “Safety Gear Required At All Times” & “Under Construction” – These signs were like a metaphor for my life right now.

As we giggled and sat with the sun on our faces the wisdom and beautiful insights poured out of her. And as I sat there and lapped up all the golden insights and different perspectives on how my journey is going, the resounding feeling was gratitude. Gratitude for her. Gratitude for the words. Gratitude for the lessons. Gratitude for my humaness.

Regardless of who you are, your title, your role in the dynamic or whatever other labels or boxes you put around yourself. You are having a human experience. And every single one of us is capable of teaching all the rest of us a thing or two.

When you allow yourself to open and be your authentic self, the lessons flow your way thick and fast and all those empty spaces no longer seem so dark and vast.

Be open to connecting and learning. Always. Every single soul has some beautiful wisdom to bring to the world that could in a second, change yours.

Love and light

Michelle xxx

The Passion Path: Don’t Forget Your Why…

The Why… The reason that brought you to where you are. That feeling in your heart. In your gut. In your entire being. It makes your heart swell and your eyes dilate and the emotions wash over you like your whole body is filled with this sense of knowing. The sense that this is why you are here. This is what you what were made for. You know regardless of any logic or reasoning; that you are doing precisely what you were created to do.

If you are blessed enough to be one of those who has found your passion in life …. that thing, that someone, that experience, or that place, group or hobby – you know that nothing compares. Nothing can light you up the way that this does. It pumps through your veins and fills you with life affirming energy that spills out into everything you do.

Choosing this life – the passion path – is such an honour. Once you see it; no, once you feel it, it’s like you don’t have an option. It has called upon you. It has shown you the way from existing to living. This is a place there is no coming back from. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. The life you led before seemed to exist in a parallel universe. To another person, in another time. When you choose the passion path you are reborn. You’re awake. Alive. Fulfilled.

This path is simple to choose. But this path is not easy. It takes your all. Your full heart. Everything is amplified. You feel everything so intensely. You experience in technicolour. Your sensations are heightened. Your pleasure centres full. You breathe in its intensity and exude out its light and essence.

But when you truly give something your all, when you invest all that time, that energy, that power, that force, THAT LOVE… When you have this passion ignited inside of you, it also has the times where it’s beautiful intensity is what burns. It can be your unravelling. It can be your pain. Your breaking point. Your undoing.

The passion path is beautiful. It is for the courageous. It is for the inspired. The living. So when it is not going as you hoped, not as you had dreamed; Remember that along with the sheer wonder and beauty that this passion brings, it would not be so without it’s ability to scold you at times. It’s wondrous intensity goes both ways.

And in these times when your passion breaks you down; in this time when you lose your centre and understanding of how you came to be on this path. When all your sensations are overloaded and the senses are blurred – ¬†this is when you go back to your WHY…Why you chose a life of living over a life of existing.

And allow it to ignite you over and over again.

Love always, Michelle xx

PS This passage was inspired by my father. Growing up, I could never understand why my father made many decisions that he did. Why he chose to spend all his time on the land with his cattle. Why he invested all of his time, energy and money into this part of his world that not only did I not really appreciate, I felt took away from his time with me. Over the years I resented this. I took it to mean I was not loved or important. I created my own set of beliefs around how this placed me in the world.

But now as I unravel all of my limiting beliefs and fearful perceptions and heal my relationship with myself and hence those around me, I can really see this for what it is. The most amazing gift my Dad could have given me. The understanding of passion and devotion to the parts of your world that light you up. That thing or person, that no matter how anyone else sees or experiences it – it doesn’t matter. It brings you joy, growth and understanding of your place in this world.

So thank you Dad for inspiring me to live my life with passion. To go for it when no one else gets it. Thank you for showing me that no matter how hard it appears to get, that without passion igniting my world, I would be purely existing. Not living.

Thank you for showing me what it takes to believe in myself despite all the odds and how to rise up again and again. Thank you for showing me how to love.

I love you. Happy Fathers Day.

Michelle xxx