Ok so victim is more of an archetype or part of the personality than an emotion, but it is one we are well versed at acting out.
As a society we are pretty quick to pass the buck, blame and divert and deflect from our own bullshit. We are pretty good at acting like life just happens to us and we have no control over the outcome. In the corporate world, in our personal lives, in how we treat the planet, in how we treat ourselves.
As I started to learn about the “victim” element that resides in ALL of us, I initially rejected it. That actually makes me lol. Because that exact rejection was me acting out the victim traits.
But I kept telling myself “I am allowed to be a victim” “I am a victim”. I have been sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused. I am allowed to act out the victim. To make me feel better about all the shit that has gone down, I need those around me to feel sorry for me and make it all better. But I continuously learnt the hard way. If you put all that power in others hands, you are in for a big fall my friends.
Stepping into personal development, growth and enlightenment takes courage. To truly look at your stuff and take ownership of your emotions, actions, thoughts, beliefs and perceptions is as brave as it gets. So no wonder stepping into this space triggers our inner victim left right and centre.
If we look at the victim they are often perceived as powerless, weak, scared, all blaming, possibly even deserving of the bad that has happened to them. But as with everything in this universe; you can not give rise to these elements without the equal and opposite elements residing within in you. Every single thing you see within you both “good” and “bad” has, in the right circumstances, the ability to be expressed and acted out. Really think about that. Polarity is in everything. Duality. So therefore in the empowered version of the victim qualities are powerful, strong, courageous, ownership of self and awareness of life lessons and universal patterns.
So how do you get perspective and see where you are acting out in the disempowered or shadow aspect of victim?
- Expression: Watch how you are talking. Both internally and externally. Even in humour. The subconscious mind has no sense of humour. Here in Australia in particular it is common practice to joke about our perceived bad qualities, traits and misfortunes and thats ok too, but just check in occasionally and see how saying those things to yourself actually sits with how you want to feel in and about yourself. An example of this is I would say if I made a mistake “Lucky I am cute” meaning I am not smart. But as I have become aware of my over expressed victim,, I feel an internal reaction in my body when I say this, yelling “HEY! Im very smart thank you!”
- Language: building on the last point watch the words you use. Common phrases “I can’t do that”, “I should do that”, “I am trying”, “I had to”, “they, he, she, made me feel…”. These are all statement that immediately give our power away. Rephrase this simply by just owing it. “I can’t” could be more that you actually haven’t tried, or you attempted it but feel you could do better next time, or you actually really don’t want to. Thats ok. But say it for what it is. “I should” – well says who? Do you want to for you? “I am trying” – this is an interesting one. It is good to have a go and try things but when you use this term as a means of justifying why you are in a place you are not comfortable, you’re actually not empowering yourself. Just say “I am taking this, this and this step to get to where I want to be”. “I had to” – simple. No you didn’t. We always have the power of choice. “They, he, she, made me feel…” no one can make you feel anything. You chose what emotions you allow yourself to attach to.
- Actions: simple bodily responses will enable the victim. So stand with your back straight. Head up. Eye contact where appropriate. Take up your space in the room. Don’t shrink to make others feel comfortable. Just allow yourself to be as equally as important as everyone else on this planet. You are!
See the thing that got me about this stuff, was it actually made me angry. But they did this this and this and that is wrong! Well the flip side of that is who the fuck am I to decide what is wrong. It was wrong by me, but essential for both my and their journey. Therefore my power is in getting to now chose to no longer be around those people, places, situations or take on those emotions that don’t serve me.
You have this power within you too. I promise. Allow yourself to shine.
The world needs your glow. And always remember the over expressed victim has a right too. Don’t shame it. But empower it to be free so you can live in self power, love and peace.
Love and light, Michelle xxx