One of the toughest parts of learning to love ourselves in our entirety, is the complexity of self shaming. When we look outside of ourselves for validation or acknowledgment. When we look to society and our environment to dictate and mould how our lives should look. If we ourselves do not feel we measure up to these perceived ideals of our external environment, we tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. We tell ourselves we are not enough.
We all walk our own path. Have our own unique dynamics, experiences and lessons that help guide the lens in which we look at this world. In order to shift our perception from struggle, pain, fear and ego to light and love for all that is, we know that the first step to change is acknowledgement. This is well documented. Personal growth starts with owning your shit and the willingness to take action to change it.
However, often once we start to truly look into all parts of ourselves and what makes us tick we undoubtedly uncover deep parts within us that we don’t really like or want to own. These thoughts, beliefs, actions and emotions are equally a part of us as the cool, fun, shiny stuff we appreciate about ourselves; and behind the dark exterior, its power to propel us to the life we truly want is palpable.
So this week lets look into the emotion of JEALOUSY. This is a widely shamed emotion to express. Often called the root of all evil, a disease, a monster, a curse only experienced by those who have no self esteem. If you express jealousy, you are automatically seen as weak. It is almost a taboo emotion and one that triggers a huge amount of self shaming behaviours.
Unfortunately, the intensity is increased due to the double nature of the emotion in which we not only feel bad in ourselves for feeling that way but we are also harbouring negativity toward the person or situation we are in fact jealous of. Clearly, this results in one big cycle of negative energy and suppression.
As is my intention behind all that I do, I like to express something real. Something for you, the reader to connect to. To understand that I am speaking both from a place of knowledge and understanding. Something authentic and relatable. This week jealousy reared its intriguing head into my consciousness and I have had an interesting experience unpacking it.
This time it was amongst friends. Being the only single mum in the group and busy juggling all the things that I am choosing to do in this stage of my life, my social life has taken a bit of a back seat. And although I have chosen this, it did not help me rationalise why I was feeling left out and jealous when I did see my friends and I had no idea what most of the conversations were about. Plans were being made without me and group texts had differed to ones in which I was no longer included. As I was sitting at a dinner with them for the first time in a while and I wasn’t following any of the conversation, I began to feel that deep old emotion of jealousy rising up.
Now I would place bets that every single person reading this has experienced this feeling at one point or another. Some people feel it more often than others, and you know what? Thats ok!
The thing is, the friendships, careers and romantic partners we seek out as adults are not by chance. We are drawn to or repelled from personality types and people based on the dynamics we experienced in our childhood years. It is this intricately amazing life that our unconsciousness weaves for us so we can be presented with situations that can keep us “safe” in our patterns of old. Or, when you are ready to look at it like this, give us the opportunities to grow and heal any parts of ourselves that are not fulfilled.
Jealousy will surface in situations in which these old wounds are triggered. And lets be honest it actually makes you feel yuk. Inside and out. Its one of the lower vibrational emotions so it makes sense that it just brings you down. You and those around you. Its heavy.
So if you add to the heaviness with more self blame, shame, misdirected anger and projection you will inevitably only add to its weight.
The only way to lighten the load of a low vibrational energy is to show it the light. Shower in it. Be honest with yourself. If you feel it come up, be compassionate. Ultimately, it is a small child part of yourself expressing that they are feeling insecure. That they are not feeling enough. That they need to be loved. Not shamed and pushed down or away.
Find a safe place and EXPRESS IT. Let it out. In a healthy way. Not screaming or sulking. This will only make you feel worse again. In my situation I chose to express it directly to those involved and it has been a great experience for my growth journey. But you may chose a professional, a safe friend or family member or even just acknowledging it to yourself and show yourself some love.
It never ceases to amaze me how the intensity of these emotions lessens immediately once we allow ourselves the space to express it. Without judgment. Then show gratitude for what you do have and feed the things in your world that bring you joy.
Jealousy does not make you evil. It does not make you a monster. It doesn’t mean you are cursed. It doesn’t make you all darkness. It makes you a perfectly divine soul just living out your journey in this human experience. Just like the rest of us.
Go easy on yourself.
Love and light, Michelle xxx