And then as ‘they’ say, eventually you just get it. The realization doesn’t make everything better. It doesn’t take away the challenges of life. But one day when you’ve just had enough of feeling sad and hurt and down, you make the courageous decision to just let it go. Set it free. Decide to stop beating yourself and others up that things didn’t work out how you thought they should and you just decide to let it all be.
For my challenges have never been with anyone else anyway. They’ve always been with myself.
I have been so unbelievably flat of late. You know those periods in life where you don’t even want to be around yourself. Frustrated at feeling lost, confused at why… nothing was making sense to me. So I ran to the familiar. I ran to what I know. But that didn’t match up either, because the truth is I’ve changed. I mean I’m continually changing; let’s call this one an actual baseline shift. And boy was I fighting this one!
Pellowah. I attribute a great deal of this particular shift to you coming in to my life in a stage where I had already set the scene. I can not explain it but on one level I knew I needed this course in my life. So I go along. I’m attuned. And from then, two weeks ago until, honestly, today – I haven’t known what the fuck was going on with me. Inspired yet more scared than ever. In love yet more guarded. Heightened awareness yet so mind boggling confused I couldn’t even decide what to eat for dinner.
But I’ve been shifting. My sense of intuition was blossoming and because I have always squashed it down to make room for the 16 billion emotions I can experience in any given day, I didn’t know what to make of it. My soul was all like ‘Heyyyyyyyy I’m finally rising to the top and now you’re going to hear me whether you think you’re ready or not!’
Funnily, but never surprisingly, signs about intuition have been going off like little fire crackers all around me. I started to visualise things during Reiki but couldn’t quite work them out (hint don’t try it makes them go away or get foggier). I have been acting upon contacting some people when they come into my field of vision and I’ve been on the money every time. I was randomly gifted a mauve opsidium crystal (known for aiding in accessing and strengthening your connection with intuition) by a customer at work upon mentioning I also do energy healing. My mentor wrote this brilliant article on further developing intuition – take a read.
People kept telling me to listen to my gut (almost daily by different people, even strangers) and a package I received in the mail told me to ensure I keep my third eye open. Synchronisities my friends. This is not by chance or coincidence. Themes in life always happen for a reason.
So I was trying to make sense of all of this. But more so than ever, rather than go inward to look for the answer, I externalised. I fought for love in places it wasn’t freely given. I pushed away others that were trying to be there. I asked my oracle cards questions every opportunity I had. I asked everyone for advice. I struggled to write a blog post (normally you can’t stop me!) I went down into the emotions and searched desperately for someone or something to pull me out. Patterns I have done before.
But this time was different. This time that little voice inside was louder than ever and this time it was pushing back. And it was stating that this time it has had enough! It knows it’s shit and I better start listen to it in order to get the life I want to lead. This intensity will remain in and all around me now until I surrender. Surrender to myself.
It’s quite mind boggling really. The only thing between us and the life we desire is ourselves. No one and nothing else. With each decision to be true to you, your power grows. And as Eryka says in the above article; sometimes it’s really bloody inconvenient. But I am clearly finding the price I have and continue to pay when I don’t listen far outweighs a little bit of perceived inconvenience.
So yeah. It’s a pretty big time for me right now. And I tell you what, it seems to me there’s a necessary shift happening in many of us. The collective consciousness. It’s an exciting time to be alive and I for one am honoured to be a part of it all.
Raise it up folks!
Love and light, Michelle xx