Sensational Story

So here’s something about me everybody who’s even been in the same vicinity as me knows; I am an amazingly EMOTIONAL being. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love huge and I also equally feel the lows. And through the outlet of the blog and by many other means on my personal journey, not only do I now FEEL all these emotions, I am learning to EXPRESS them as well.

Modern Western Society has many amazing qualities to it. But much of it is under and around the giant umbrella of conformity. Media, the digital world, and society “norms” are rife. We are told of the freedom of speech, yet many are alienated and ostracised for doing just that.

My kids unknowingly take part. They “need” to have the latest shoes, toys, trends that all the kids at school have. Their dad and I run them around to the 50 after school commitments they have fed by this massive FOMO (fear of missing out – for those playing at home) culture. NAPLAN testing came up in the parent information night the other night with strict words from the staff to not stress the children over it as they will not achieve their best results when feeling too much pressure. Half of the parents still got out their phones to take photos of the dates and starting madly jotting down notes for the upcoming tests. The kids are Year 3. Yes we are blessed to have the schooling system we do here in Australia but let’s let the kids be kids without instilling our fears and pressures onto them at such young ages.

So whilst my life has always been heavily loaded with emotions, being constantly told by so many around me that I’m, and I quote “too emotional” “too sensitive” “too insert whatever else projection or fear you like here” I have also until recently been fantastic at squashing the feelings down. Suppressing them. With the above comments constantly being slung me from my very early days by people who obviously just experience life differently to I, I took it on as my own stuff. And so in order to fit in, to be liked, to be accepted, I learned to suppress what I was really feeling or how I really wanted to express myself.

Most of us do this.

So when I broke through that barrier and the emotions started to flow out of me around this time last year, I’ve been on a roller coaster ever since. But the intensity of the roller coaster I have figured out is only perception.

So much of this holistic, spiritual, mindfulness, conscious living world can look a little distorted when you are in your shit. When you’re down and hurting and you just want to be validated and heard and held, you get onto your books, websites or social media pages and there it is. Meme after meme after quote after quote saying that the goal is to not attach yourself to the thought. Don’t attach to the emotion. Let the emotion sit out in front of you and notice it but don’t go into it. Om and Amen! You know what I mean. All beautiful necessary valid and inspiring stuff.

Until you’re in your shit.

Then it’s more like this. Piss off. Fuck this. I’ll never be able to do that. No one understands. But I feel it so much! Why does no one get it! Etc etc.

So I go to see Eryka with this exact same sentiment. And low and behold she comes back at me with yet another pearl of wisdom.

As I sift through my inner shit to release past hurts, habits and baggage to free myself, I am energetically coming across all the emotions I have long been suppressing. Western society and even the westernised mindfulness movement to a degree are not as accepting of this process as many other parts of the world. In European and South American culture it is ALL about emotions and feeling it! Emotions are celebrated not suppressed.

Put simply, a feeling will not be in you if it is not meant to be felt. Acknowledge it! Feel it! Allow it to be expressed and energetically it can then leave your body and give rise to space to fill with new light energy. We are all just energy. As simple and as complicated as that.

And as I was in my shit this day I said to her; “But I feel like I just really connect with sadness. Like I get it. I’m used to it. I know how to feel that feeling”

She looked at me. “Sweetheart… what do we say?…. where there is shadow there is light!”

Oh yeah I may have wrote about the duality and polarity just last week 🙊🙈

Then the real cake topper. It isn’t in the feeling the emotions… let that shit out! Suppressing only leads to blowing! But in the learning when to pull yourself up and out. She gave me this quote and I love it.

FEEL it. Don’t SENSATIONALISE it.

Ha! That’s exactly where I go. Into my inner stage show, singer, dancer, Audrey Hepburn impersonator and I can take it past the point of just feeling. I sensationalise it. Sit in it. Dwell in it.

I don’t want to change the fact that I feel things so deeply. In fact I love that about me. As much as I can feel the sadness I am equally capable of feeling and expressing the light. I always search for the silver linings in every situation. But I am known to sit in the story of it all.

I think if most of us were honest, we all spend a lot of time reciting reinforcing and replaying our story rather than living in the here and now.

So that’s maybe what those quotes can say.

Sure go ahead. Feel it. Feel it all. What is life without feeling? Emotions of all kinds are beautiful. Life is diverse. Things will come up. So feel it. Just try not to live in it. As the emotions will come and go. Your self worth and self love will be for life. Let yourself just be. You are more than your story you have created around yourself. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be and exactly who you are supposed to be right here and now.

Well that definitely sits better for me anyhow.

Love and light
Michelle xxx

I Told You So – Sincerely, Your Intuition

And then as ‘they’ say, eventually you just get it. The realization doesn’t make everything better. It doesn’t take away the challenges of life. But one day when you’ve just had enough of feeling sad and hurt and down, you make the courageous decision to just let it go. Set it free. Decide to stop beating yourself and others up that things didn’t work out how you thought they should and you just decide to let it all be. 

For my challenges have never been with anyone else anyway. They’ve always been with myself.
I have been so unbelievably flat of late. You know those periods in life where you don’t even want to be around yourself. Frustrated at feeling lost, confused at why… nothing was making sense to me. So I ran to the familiar. I ran to what I know. But that didn’t match up either, because the truth is I’ve changed. I mean I’m continually changing; let’s call this one an actual baseline shift. And boy was I fighting this one!
Pellowah. I attribute a great deal of this particular shift to you coming in to my life in a stage where I had already set the scene. I can not explain it but on one level I knew I needed this course in my life. So I go along. I’m attuned. And from then, two weeks ago until, honestly, today – I haven’t known what the fuck was going on with me. Inspired yet more scared than ever. In love yet more guarded. Heightened awareness yet so mind boggling confused I couldn’t even decide what to eat for dinner.
But I’ve been shifting. My sense of intuition was blossoming and because I have always squashed it down to make room for the 16 billion emotions I can experience in any given day, I didn’t know what to make of it. My soul was all like ‘Heyyyyyyyy I’m finally rising to the top and now you’re going to hear me whether you think you’re ready or not!’
Funnily, but never surprisingly, signs about intuition have been going off like little fire crackers all around me. I started to visualise things during Reiki but couldn’t quite work them out (hint don’t try it makes them go away or get foggier). I have been acting upon contacting some people when they come into my field of vision and I’ve been on the money every time. I was randomly gifted a mauve opsidium crystal (known for aiding in accessing and strengthening your connection with intuition) by a customer at work upon mentioning I also do energy healing. My mentor wrote this brilliant article on further developing intuition – take a read.
People kept telling me to listen to my gut (almost daily by different people, even strangers) and a package I received in the mail told me to ensure I keep my third eye open. Synchronisities my friends. This is not by chance or coincidence. Themes in life always happen for a reason.
So I was trying to make sense of all of this. But more so than ever, rather than go inward to look for the answer, I externalised. I fought for love in places it wasn’t freely given. I pushed away others that were trying to be there. I asked my oracle cards questions every opportunity I had. I asked everyone for advice. I struggled to write a blog post (normally you can’t stop me!) I went down into the emotions and searched desperately for someone or something to pull me out. Patterns I have done before.
But this time was different. This time that little voice inside was louder than ever and this time it was pushing back. And it was stating that this time it has had enough! It knows it’s shit and I better start listen to it in order to get the life I want to lead. This intensity will remain in and all around me now until I surrender. Surrender to myself.
It’s quite mind boggling really. The only thing between us and the life we desire is ourselves. No one and nothing else. With each decision to be true to you, your power grows. And as Eryka says in the above article; sometimes it’s really bloody inconvenient. But I am clearly finding the price I have and continue to pay when I don’t listen far outweighs a little bit of perceived inconvenience.
So yeah. It’s a pretty big time for me right now. And I tell you what, it seems to me there’s a necessary shift happening in many of us. The collective consciousness. It’s an exciting time to be alive and I for one am honoured to be a part of it all.
Raise it up folks!
Love and light, Michelle xx

Monochrome Existence

MASSIVE IMPERFECT ACTION

This statement has been highlighted and popping up everywhere in my world this year. From my mentor Eryka Stanton. Online female entrepreneur master Grace Lever. Memes. The Chinese Year of the Fire Rooster. It’s all about just doing it. Push through the uncertainty and fear and get it done. It’s a numerological and astrological “1” year and it’s all about new beginnings. Love this little clip below. It gets me excited and ready to get going.

But as with any action there is an equal and opposite reaction. A polarity. Duality. The shadow and the light. And I have never seen anyone just breeze through a life change without at least a flicker of holy shit can I really do this?

Since I wrote my last post two weeks ago so much has been happening. I completed the study component to my Consciousness Coaching course, I was attuned to channel the Palloweh energy healing modality, I got another step into another project I have started and am super excited about and I strengthened bonds with some key people in my world. LOTS of action. And lots of positive action. But I hands down 100% got writers block and despite all that was going on I could not think of anything to say. And I missed this reflective platform. But the thought of doing it was causing me to get a bit anxious.

Then when I went to discuss a space to do my therapies from and got greeted with a barrage of limiting beliefs I wasn’t expecting my confidence got a bit shook up. Things such as people don’t believe sharing of Reiki energy should be charged for; it taken our only other practitioner 12 years to build her client base, no walk ins want life coaching. Etc etc. Basically through obviously her experience (valid) and her beliefs (also valid to her but not gospel) she had unknowingly just demotivated me from coming to work from that centre. What I thought and felt from all other contact was going to be a mutually beneficial relationship just took a really big turn. If I don’t feel supported there it’s time for a change of plan.

But as I left and went to have dinner with a friend I was having a bit of a rant. This interaction had triggered a shadow aspect in me. I was defensive. I was ranting. I was deflecting the feeling and fear of am I capable, am I worthy, onto this scenario and allowing myself to take one persons opinion (albeit someone whom I respect) and make it mean that I won’t succeed in this world.

And putting that kind of energy out there can only equal instant blockages on attracting the beautiful souls I really want to be working with.

It’s a tough gig sometimes. It’s a bit scary. I don’t always know what the fuck I am doing. But I do know it feels right. I do know I help people. I do know it’s coming from a place of love and genuinely wanting to support others through hardships, growth and change. Like the special souls that have helped me. But life is reality and I also need to provide for myself and my children. So putting myself in an unsupportive environment will not help to facilitate that.

I just have to trust that the universe knows what’s right. I’ll find my space. I have a feeling it’ll be when I least expect it. But for now a little polarity on the last two weeks. A bit of reflection. Self care. Long baths. Self love. And a shit load of practicing my own tools and modalities on myself 😆

Just keep swimming crew. Others inability to see your worth in no way reflects upon you. But how you chose to react to that does.

This is my mantra for the week and beyond.

Love and light to all,
Michelle 💗✨