We All Quake

Music is life. So many of my favourite and most imprinted memories have strong ties to a song or soundtrack. It is amazing how you can be anywhere, at any stage in your life, and a song will come on and it transports you right back to that event, that kiss, that night, that concert. Whatever it was. Whoever I was with. For a couple of minutes, it’s like I never left. I get lost in it. Especially a great love song or ballad. Just ask the guy who busted me in my car the other day.

A few blocks from home, waiting at the lights, I was full blown belting it out. Sexy Love by Neyo. Tune. And his dance moves … WOW! Anyway, I am talking eyes closed, one fist on the heart, one hand up in the air; yeah – really going for it. I opened my eyes to see if the lights were green but instead caught the eyes of a bystander. Instantly I was fire engine red. I am definitely a blusher and on top of him catching me out, he was adorable! And applauding and yelling out not to stop. Let me tell you, that was the LONGEST red light of my life.

Anyway, also the longest introduction ever! My point was going to be, that this week I will post this from my Mum and Dads house in sunny Western Australia and for that I am BEYOND grateful. A trip home was long overdue. And that every year before I head home, this tune magically or ironically starts coming up in my life. In the shops, on the radio, in movies. I love little things like this about life:)

Coming home this year has brought up a lot for me. I am in such a better place than this time last year. I have beautiful people in my life. I have my health. Two happy children and multiple exciting career opportunities. There is so many exciting things I get to share with all my loved ones back home. But there is also part of me that is a little bit nervous. And I am trying to work out why.

I really blew the lid off life in the last two years. All my stuff culminated into a series of pretty major events. I piled a life time of drama and growth into it and I am so proud of myself for where I have got to. For what I have overcome. But now that I am out the other side and coherent and no longer timid and fragile, I am pretty sure the questions are going to fly. Basically Michelle, ‘What the f**k happened!?’ And now as my new always, I will be honest and tell. These days, I am happy to share my story. It helps me be true and honest with myself and grow. If it helps others to share or learn some lessons too then that’s a massive extra bonus.

Hmmm. So It’s not that.

Maybe I am nervous that being back in that environment will test my growth. Most of our life lessons come from responses, dynamics and reactions we create in that early environment. No one can push your buttons like family after all. But no, that didn’t resonate either. I rise to a challenge and I love my family even when they drive me nuts. The tests will be beneficial for me. Help me to rectify any dynamics and responses that no longer serve me. And you can’t go backwards. Once you shift your awareness, your eyes are open. And even though going back to ignorance can sometimes seem like the easier option, your soul will eventually and always seek the truth.

So what is it this time, I keep trying to work out. And then I remembered another big part of my old life that I miss very much. My first spiritual teacher. Just like the timely playing of my going home track, his name randomly popped up on my LinkedIn account earlier this week and I got very nostalgic. An amazing man that I partially owe my awakening to. And even though at that stage of my life I wasn’t entirely ready to take on the teachings on a soul level, many of his words still permeate my thoughts. And some of those words were; ‘Every one of us quakes at the door’ (of release and change). Regardless of status, age, gender, occupation, culture, whatever; we all have fear arise when the opportunity of change presents itself and we’re at a high enough level of consciousness in which we can choose to walk through the shift.

And as that popped into my mind I realised I was nervous as I am trying to intellectualise the situation. By focusing on what may or may not happen? Will I still fit in? Will they get me? Will they be proud of me? Blah blah blah. And as I wrote that, another lightbulb. Within those three questions that I just wrote… In lies my deepest fears. Will I be part of it? Am I enough? Amazing! I just schooled myself right there:)

And it is in this journey now that I realise the true meaning of the next thing he used to say as someone would walk through the lens of fear and embrace change and growth…

‘Thank you for your time. Thank you for your trust. Thank you for your courage.’

For stepping through the door of change takes great courage, trust and diligence. But it is in taking that leap that the true wonders of life lie. In the little things. And as I sit here on the plane home, I glance to my left and see my amazing son watching in awe at a nature documentary. To my right, my beautiful daughter cackling away to a Tom and Jerry classic. And I know in my heart, how wondrous life is and how unbelievably blessed I am.

Breathe in your blessings this festive period. There is always something to be grateful for. Appreciate it. As change is inevitable. Make it easier on yourself by embracing the journey. Stop kicking and screaming. Be a part of it. Acknowledge your fears but don’t let them rule you.

Live the life you want. Live the life you deserve.

Much love, Michelle xxx

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