Although admittedly my moments of self doubt are becoming rarer, occasionally I ponder whether I am cut out for this. Not from an ability point of veiw as I have previously discussed but because of how I percieve how people in this industry and lifestyle “should” be. It’s a dangerous word that word should. So many limitations to it.
I guess it is stereotyping in a way. Well that’s a commonly understood way to maybe explain some of what I’m talking about. So this is my attempt to decipher my thoughts in writing. Here goes…
I’m cheeky. I’m a bit wild at times. I love a good dance on a night out. I mean this Friday just gone if you were lucky enough to be down at the Imperial on Chapel St you could’ve witnessed my epic break dancing moves. Well ok, maybe just hilarious, but I’m trying to paint a picture.
I love adrenalin. I love concerts. I love loud music. I even listened to heavy metal a lot growing up and can still recite lyrics to Pantera and White Zombie songs. I like crude jokes and I swear a lot more than my mum likes. I have been in the back of a police car 3 times. I have foot in mouth disease. I have been known to drop the classic Australian proverb ‘nice indicator dickhead’ on the road. I don’t always treat my body like a temple. Or my mind for that matter. I still watch reality tv on occasion and I don’t always meditate or do my affirmations daily.
Surely, I have wondered, these are not all traits of someone going into this. I mean I need to lead by example. Practice what I preach and all that. Or as my friends in corporate roles speak of; develop ‘my brand’. And in this day in age, to an extent this is so valid. But it also kind of goes against everything I am currently developing within myself. The I’m going to be myself and be true to me, regardless of percieved consequences and others opinions of me road that I’m on – without the fuck you of course. More live and let live.
Basically, I am realising this is a small road block in my journey of ego dissolution. In a world very driven by ego and fear, I need to find the line between alienating myself by causing these fears to rise in people and being able to express my purpose in a way people can relate to.
The way it seems to me is we have forgotten to let ourselves be human to an extent. Fear is a normal thing to feel but when it has gotten to the level like now in which many are driven by it, it has become somewhat of an epidemic.
Fears and limiting beliefs are embedded into us from day dot. Often without us even realising. Its often a series of small events that slowly pull us away from the soul. Until we are of a high enough awareness or consciousness to take a look at the belief to actually see if it is indeed worthy of holding any weight on our thoughts, actions, beliefs and emotions.
This weekend someone said one the nicest thing to me I think I have ever been told. It was a guy I run into from time to time and we always have a good chat and a laugh but on this night he turned to me a said…
‘You know you speak of energy; that’s what I’ve always thought about you. You can feel when you have entered the room. The whole place just lights up. It just makes me smile’…
I was blown away. And in that moment, as parts of my ego ballooned (who doesn’t love a compliment) I also realised I appreciated this one on a soul level. For someone to not mention my physical form at all but rather the energy I bring forward and the feeling that leaves them with, was someone verbalising one of my life goals. As I believe that is my purpose. To share my light with the world. And he felt that regardless of anything else about me, my past, my hobbies, my beliefs and lifestyle. All of which are quite different to mine.
So if I think about it, it is this exact fact that makes me cut out for this. I am relatable. It is my experiences that have brought me to this place. And I am continuously equally grateful and intrigued by the beautiful souls I am encountering along the way. I’m growing to. I am on this journey also. Whilst I will guide people, I will be in the process right along side them. That will make us all feel like we are not alone in this.It will add to the power. That is the unbelievably awesome thing about this journey I am going through and am starting to share. And I will continue to grow. We can all learn from each other. You can be into whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Live and work wherever you want. Drive whatever you want. Be whatever background, culture or religion you choose. In fact you are encouraged to be whatever flavour you want to be. As long as it’s true to you, it will taste delicious! And as long as those choices feed your souls wants, needs and desires and not your ego.
Also without judgement of how others choose to do it. If everyone loved choc chip mint flavoured ice-cream how boring this world would be. Celebrate difference. It is in opening your mind and heart to differences that breeds acceptance, understanding and love. Just because something is right for you, doesn’t make it right for someone else.
So my task is to carry this forward into the next. Completely discard my opinions and false beliefs on how anyone in any role “should” behave. We all need to stop and adjust our halo from time to time. Without that, we wouldn’t be the amazing, interesting, evolving and diverse creatures that we are.
Keep on spreading your individual light on the world. Without fear. Because the ones that are supposed to get you will.And love and acceptance is all we need to fulfil any internal goal ever written.
Much love, Michelle xx