“What is it that is so bad about Michelle House, that she doesn’t deserve to be loved? Like what is so fucking bad about her? That she doesn’t deserve to experience love like others do?”
Eryka stared at me waiting my response. Through my sadness, my puffy red eyes and my tear streaked face, I felt a shift inside me.
“Well fucking nothing ! I’m fucking awesome!” I said almost giggling.
“Exactly! So you can see how silly this deep belief inside you is!”
Yeah…. fuck, I sat there thinking. I can see the good, the beautiful, the light in everyone around me. I now see it in me a lot of the time. How ridiculous is this belief I am unworthy of love.
This dissolution of ego work is powerful. It is a path for the brave. The courageous. The fearless.
To strip away the layers to reveal why we do what we do. To evoke change. Renewal. Instil a self love the doesn’t waver, quake or rely on others opinions for survival.
For someone who doesn’t get it, I may seem cray-cray. Why the hell would I voluntarily dig up my entire existence to look at the shit and feel all of it so deeply and intensely. Why do I ‘overanalyse’, ‘decipher’ and act so ‘over emotional’ about things in my life. Believe me, I have questioned myself before. But when I sit back and watch, even the people who question my decision to take this path, struggle in their lives. Sometimes, more than I. For I understand the good and the percieved bad in my life is all just part of my journey. It doesn’t need to be feared.
I believe this path is where my lives events have led me. This life, these experiences chose me. They chose my soul, as I am ready for the next step. To bring love light and healing to my world and in turn to others. I do not judge those that are not ready to look at themselves, as I know the immense courage I have had to muster to continue on my path. I also know, but more importantly FEEL, it is 100% worth it.
As I become more aware, I can pick up on those around me. And let me tell you, the fear of not being enough in many of us, is immense. The way we conduct ourselves. The things we tell ourselves make us happy, whole, complete. The way we act out to engage love. The way we sabotage. Down play our feelings and abilities. Deflect. Blame. Over-compensate. Any behaviour that helps to stop us really looking inward and at our own shit. We’re all masters of it. But I have had enough. And I want to energetically encourage others to make the shift too. Not through preaching but by example. You will find it if it is meant for you. And I wholeheartedly believe it is a freedom beyond anything you could imagine.
The ego. In our human form, it is activated for survival. We are dropped into the body we occupy to carry out the experiences we need to in order to learn the lessons that we need to learn to grow. To raise your vibration. The only reason our ‘reality’ is percieved the way it is, is due to the vibrational frequencies we operate at as a collective. For you non- believers even modern day science agrees with this. There is so much we don’t ‘ know’ regarding where we come from, the afterlife, and other dimensions to mention just a few concepts. But the one thing all belief systems have in common is that the goal of living is to rise. Move towards understanding, knowledge, enlightenment and in turn, true peace. Become the light if you will. The goal is to learn to just BE.
The elements us humans need to survive are debatable. I mean the Breatharians survive on air alone. This blows my mind. But the one thing I believe all humans need, is connection and love. To our earth, to eachother and to ourselves. As a species if there is not someone there from the moment of birth to tend to us in some capacity, we die. We can not survive. Whether this level of connection or love is delivered in the way we can recieve though, is down to your experience. And herein lies, our first lessons.
If you really think about it, this frees up so much. This paves the way to understanding, love, compassion and forgiveness for all life. If our strongest driving force is survival, and all the ways in which we act out is to facilitate this; emotionally, mentally, physically; then we are just like the rest of the animal kingdom. We do what we do to survive.
So in my experience, my perception of how to be loved in my environment was to people please. To take on others emotions and attempt to keep the peace, make people happy and do things to make them proud to compensate for what I percieved they were missing. In this acting out, I told myself that I alone wasn’t enough. I had to take on personas and behave in certain ways to be accepted and hence loved. Not right or wrong. This is just my perception of my environment. As my brother and sister experienced it differently. More evidence that we all have our own seperate lessons we are here to learn.
So why am I writing this? Well people are starting to ask me what is it that I am learning. And I am getting ready to really share this experience.
Our ego is something we all hold dear. It is our safety net. Our go to. The sheild in which we experience the first 7 years of our life. But if you are reading this my bet is something is or has happened that has made you realise that your old patterns of behaviour no longer serve you. This is because those elements, behaviours or personas you took on to survive do not align to your true self. That bright light or soul that’s voice was there before all the day to day noise on earth muffled it’s sound.
Its ok to want what you want. But it’s so much more gratifying when you know why you want it. What nourishes you. What brings you life. Love. Happiness. Light.
The life you want is possible. In every aspect. I truly believe this. We just often lose sight of that chasing what we think we want.
And trust me, I would put my life on the fact that whatever the universe has planned for you, is greater and more fulfilling than your wildest dreams. You just have to align.
Lets affirm: I am deserving of all that is good in this world. I invite prosperity and abundance into my world. I am safe and loved. I am enough.
Much love, Michelle xxx