Halo Adjustment

Although admittedly my moments of self doubt are becoming rarer, occasionally I ponder whether I am cut out for this. Not from an ability point of veiw as I have previously discussed but because of how I percieve how people in this industry and lifestyle “should” be. It’s a dangerous word that word should. So many limitations to it.

I guess it is stereotyping in a way. Well that’s a commonly understood way to maybe explain some of what I’m talking about. So this is my attempt to decipher my thoughts in writing. Here goes…

I’m cheeky. I’m a bit wild at times. I love a good dance on a night out. I mean this Friday just gone if you were lucky enough to be down at the Imperial on Chapel St you could’ve witnessed my epic break dancing moves. Well ok, maybe just hilarious, but I’m trying to paint a picture.

I love adrenalin. I love concerts. I love loud music. I even listened to heavy metal a lot growing up and can still recite lyrics to Pantera and White Zombie songs. I like crude jokes and I swear a lot more than my mum likes. I have been in the back of a police car 3 times. I have foot in mouth disease. I have been known to drop the classic Australian proverb ‘nice indicator dickhead’ on the road. I don’t always treat my body like a temple. Or my mind for that matter. I still watch reality tv on occasion and I don’t always meditate or do my affirmations daily.

Surely, I have wondered, these are not all traits of someone going into this. I mean I need to lead by example. Practice what I preach and all that. Or as my friends in corporate roles speak of; develop ‘my brand’. And in this day in age, to an extent this is so valid. But it also kind of goes against everything I am currently developing within myself. The I’m going to be myself and be true to me, regardless of percieved consequences and others opinions of me road that I’m on – without the fuck you of course. More live and let live.

Basically, I am realising this is a small road block in my journey of ego dissolution. In a world very driven by ego and fear, I need to find the line between alienating myself by causing these fears to rise in people and being able to express my purpose in a way people can relate to.

The way it seems to me is we have forgotten to let ourselves be human to an extent. Fear is a normal thing to feel but when it has gotten to the level like now in which many are driven by it, it has become somewhat of an epidemic.

Fears and limiting beliefs are embedded into us from day dot. Often without us even realising. Its often a series of small events that slowly pull us away from the soul. Until we are of a high enough awareness or consciousness to take a look at the belief to actually see if it is indeed worthy of holding any weight on our thoughts, actions, beliefs and emotions.

This weekend someone said one the nicest thing to me I think I have ever been told. It was a guy I run into from time to time and we always have a good chat and a laugh but on this night he turned to me a said…

‘You know you speak of energy; that’s what I’ve always thought about you. You can feel when you have entered the room. The whole place just lights up. It just makes me smile’…

I was blown away. And in that moment, as parts of my ego ballooned (who doesn’t love a compliment) I also realised I appreciated this one on a soul level. For someone to not mention my physical form at all but rather the energy I bring forward and the feeling that leaves them with, was someone verbalising one of my life goals. As I believe that is my purpose. To share my light with the world. And he felt that regardless of anything else about me, my past, my hobbies, my beliefs and lifestyle. All of which are quite different to mine.

So if I think about it, it is this exact fact that makes me cut out for this. I am relatable. It is my experiences that have brought me to this place. And I am continuously equally grateful and intrigued by the beautiful souls I am encountering along the way. I’m growing to. I am on this journey also. Whilst I will guide people, I will be in the process right along side them. That will make us all feel like we are not alone in this.It will add to the power. That is the unbelievably awesome thing about this journey I am going through and am starting to share. And I will continue to grow. We can all learn from each other. You can be into whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Live and work wherever you want. Drive whatever you want. Be whatever background, culture or religion you choose. In fact you are encouraged to be whatever flavour you want to be. As long as it’s true to you, it will taste delicious! And as long as those choices feed your souls wants, needs and desires and not your ego.

Also without judgement of how others choose to do it. If everyone loved choc chip mint flavoured ice-cream how boring this world would be. Celebrate difference. It is in opening your mind and heart to differences that breeds acceptance, understanding and love. Just because something is right for you, doesn’t make it right for someone else.

So my task is to carry this forward into the next. Completely discard my opinions and false beliefs on how anyone in any role “should” behave. We all need to stop and adjust our halo from time to time. Without that, we wouldn’t be the amazing, interesting, evolving and diverse creatures that we are.

Keep on spreading your individual light on the world. Without fear. Because the ones that are supposed to get you will.And love and acceptance is all we need to fulfil any internal goal ever written.

Much love, Michelle xx

You’ve Changed

I have had so many moments in the last few weeks in which both myself and those around me are noticing and saying ‘Wow. You’ve changed!’ Well I say, I’ve changed and fuck, but you get my drift.

Such examples include: I left a close friends bday party sober and early as I had responsibilities the next day; I played wing woman and not the flirt for one of my girls on a Thursday; I assertively stood up for myself in multiple situations of being disrespected by customers, colleagues and a close friend; and I’ve stepped back from multiple scenarios around me in which I now see I was trying to ‘fix’ and I’ve learnt I don’t need to. It’s not my journey.

Basically I’ve been saying yes to things that benefit me and my growth and a big loud NO to things that don’t.

The one thing however that has surprised me a little, is underneath all the years of feeling deep sadness about allowing myself to be treated badly and suppressing my wants, needs and desires; I’m actually quite fucking angry. And in ways it’s starting to come out. But here’s the deal. I think it’s a good thing.

Lol I know, I know; I always find the good in every situation, but here is what I have come to know. Anger is demonised. As a society we site it as an expression of lack of control, denote it as a lack of understanding of our emotions and how to deal with them in a positive way and fuel it as something we should fear and be ashamed of feeling.

In arguments, if one person is showing outward ‘anger’ in terms of yelling and frustration while the other is crying, the ‘angry’ person is seen as the perpetrator. But if you step back from the emotions; neither person is rationally coping, showing control or showing deep understanding of how to deal with the situation at hand. Yet the ‘angry’ person is the bad guy. Up until recently I would have thought so too. Until I started to really take ownership of myself and my emotions.

I make me happy; I make me sad.

Now don’t get me wrong, I in no way condone violent, intimidating and threatening behaviour. But to me those expressions aren’t anger. It’s actually rage. As anger itself is at times truly beneficial. It is a pure natural state that we have a right to feel when we perceive we are done wrong by. It is when anger is acted out in either the under-expression – passive/victim mentality – or the over-expression – rage/perpetrator mentality – that in lies the issue. But anger itself, is a natural state.

So as I sat in my therapy session just gone, I mentioned to Amber about this anger that’s been coming up. It’s like I’ve stripped back all the sadness and victim in me and what lies beneath has been bubbling away for some time. Another layer dear onion. Urgh. I felt yuk about myself. Anger is such an ugly emotion I thought. And all those other false beliefs that I listed about it a couple of paragraphs ago.

So the most heartening thing, I could’ve heard in that moment, was exactly what Amber said. ‘Oh my god, yes!!! That’s music to my ears. So you should be!’

And in that moment, I realised it was more than ok. It was something to celebrate. I have lived through years of abandonment, hurt, loss, addiction, physical, emotional and sexual abuse and played it out as the victim. I have passively allowed so many things and situations to occur in my 31 years that have led me to this time right here and now. The universe kept the scenarios coming until I got the point. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF WOMAN!!

So right now in my journey, for me that’s what I will do. I need to feel this anger to move me into action and out of the place of victim in which I have spent my entire time in this body. I have a right to feel it. I do not feel I have to justify why I feel it. And for me right now, it’s moved me into a forward shift. I’m backing myself. Making decisions that benefit me. I’m not taking others stuff on. I’m personalising things less. I’m beginning to really see my power and strength in a whole new light. And god it is freeing!

So whatever feeling you are feeling, don’t beat yourself up for it. Don’t judge yourself or the emotion. It is valid and neccessary. Take the time to look at it. Figure out why it is that you feel that way. Know that you have every right to feel the way you do about any situation or scenario in your life. Your feelings matter. And by being true to them, it will always pull you through.

So I’m happy to sit with this now. Embrace it as me. Necessary for my journey. Eventually it will even out as I gain even more awareness of my reactions. But I now know, I can feel whatever I want, whenever I want to. Don’t demonise your emotions. The power is in what you choose to do with them.

Power, love and light πŸ’ͺπŸΌπŸ’•βœ¨

Much love, Michelle xxx
Sent from my iPhone

Say You Won’t Let Go

Here we go again… Another Sunday night, another teary puffy eyed me, laying in bed listening to love songs, pondering today’s latest trials, tribulations, releases and wins. Let’s just say, I’ve been grateful this year for hay fever season. It’s a brilliant excuse for the red swollen eyes. Ha! Not really selling this journey right now am I!? I do believe though if the tears are there, they are so for a reason. Don’t fight. Let them come out. And seriously this song …. Melts my heart!

This beautiful rainy Spring Sunday, I woke to the sound of the weather tapping on my bedroom window. Ahhhh. One of my favourite things in the world. I can still picture myself as a very young girl around the age of 3-4 being soothed by the sound of the raindrops on our old farmhouse tin roof. Still to this day, that sounds takes me back there to that feeling. Being warm and tucked in bed, while the unkept world continued on around me. Upon reflection right now writing this, this is one of the few memories I have where I remember feeling safe.

I’ve always been a self soother. And this is what really shifted for me today. In the safety and security of the beautiful souls in my course, I had one of the deepest releases I have ever experienced. It came deep from my gut and I had no control over myself as it poured from my physical body in the same fashion my false beliefs have flooded my mind.

What started as a conversation about me feeling apprehensive about my ability of taking on the role of coach upon completing the course, quickly evolved into a memory of percieved abandonment as my child self that had not so ironically been brought into the forefront in my therapy appointment on Thursday. As I watched my mum walk away from me in my time of distress, I made it mean I wasn’t worth the effort. I wasn’t enough. BAM just like that!

Where the fuck did that come from? I was honestly astonished in myself. How once I opened the flood gates, how my internal dialogue spewed out of my mouth faster than a commentator calling a horse race. The links I have made one thing to mean another. The interesting ways in which my perception of a situation that has helped shape my life and experiences. When my mum walking away in that moment could have been for so many reasons, I made it mean that.

As a mum now myself, this is part terrifying knowing I myself have had to walk away from both my children when upset at times to preserve my own sanity. But it also shows no matter how mindful and consciously we parent or behave in any situation really, we’re all human we all react to certain triggers and we never have control over how someone else will perceive our actions.Β Their response will directly reflect where they are in their journey. As an opportunity for them to learn and grow within themselves.

So to bring this release to a head Eryka asked me to call my mums energy into the room and allow her energy in to love and nourish me exactly as she has always intended it to. And believe me she has. Has it always been in ways I can recieve it. No. But her intention has always been there. It was me, that had along the way forgotten to allow. I had to focus on opening myself to the experience of really allowing and feeling that love in my heart space. Without expectation or blame. Just be with the intention and feeling of love. And as soon as I realised that it was me that had stopped allowing it in out of fear of being abandoned again, the energy flowed into me. I instantly felt lighter. Loved. Nourished. Connected.

Now don’t get me wrong, it was not this one experience that created this strong belief in me. But as we develop these false ideas or belief systems inside us, it is human nature to find or seek out evidence to support our story. You know the phenomenon where as soon as you look into something, all of a sudden you start seeing it everywhere. As Eryka put it, when you decide you want a red car, all of a sudden you see red cars everywhere. So we seek out things to support and hence add strength to our belief we’re too fat, too skinny, not smart enough, not successful, not rich enough or whatever you perceive you are or aren’t. The thing is if you really look at these false ideas, they’re absolutely full of shit. Or there is something else deeper underlying the percieved issue. Which is where the real soul work begins.

So then as I sit across from one of the most beautiful, animated and insightful souls I have ever met in our next workshopping task, she said something that clicked. I have to take my mind there before my physical form will catch up. The power of intention and visualisation. If action seems too much right now, just start with the intent. The intent to will in what we do want. Allow your mind to expand. Believe in it. Let yourself feel what it would be like to have the life you dream of. In whatever aspect you like. So imagine myself down the track, helping others. Guiding them lovingly through this journey. Allowing them to release all their past hurts and tensions so they stop robbing them of their happiness and wants, needs and desires on a soul level. Empowering them to their own soul power. And let me tell you the visual tickles me pink on every level. And what better time energetically to set these intentions then around this super moon lunar event tomorrow evening.

As for love. The lyrics from the song above give me the feeling I want to feel with my love. I am setting this intention right here and now. And from here on out I will attempt to have my actions reflect this intention and imagery until it manifests into my physical world. Because that’s the kind of love I want to share in. And today opening my heart and allowing love in was truly phenomenal. I didn’t realise that I wasn’t allowing and that hence in turn I wasn’t able to recieve. Now I’ve turned it on, the stars are the limit and they’re shining brighter then ever. And that my dears, is just so heartwarming πŸ’–πŸ’–

Peace, love and light

Much love, Michelle xx

“What is it that is so bad about Michelle House, that she doesn’t deserve to be loved? Like what is so fucking bad about her? That she doesn’t deserve to experience love like others do?”

Eryka stared at me waiting my response. Through my sadness, my puffy red eyes and my tear streaked face, I felt a shift inside me.

“Well fucking nothing ! I’m fucking awesome!” I said almost giggling.

“Exactly! So you can see how silly this deep belief inside you is!”

Yeah…. fuck, I sat there thinking. I can see the good, the beautiful, the light in everyone around me. I now see it in me a lot of the time. How ridiculous is this belief I am unworthy of love.

This dissolution of ego work is powerful. It is a path for the brave. The courageous. The fearless.

To strip away the layers to reveal why we do what we do. To evoke change. Renewal. Instil a self love the doesn’t waver, quake or rely on others opinions for survival.

For someone who doesn’t get it, I may seem cray-cray. Why the hell would I voluntarily dig up my entire existence to look at the shit and feel all of it so deeply and intensely. Why do I ‘overanalyse’, ‘decipher’ and act so ‘over emotional’ about things in my life. Believe me, I have questioned myself before. But when I sit back and watch, even the people who question my decision to take this path, struggle in their lives. Sometimes, more than I. For I understand the good and the percieved bad in my life is all just part of my journey. It doesn’t need to be feared.

I believe this path is where my lives events have led me. This life, these experiences chose me. They chose my soul, as I am ready for the next step. To bring love light and healing to my world and in turn to others. I do not judge those that are not ready to look at themselves, as I know the immense courage I have had to muster to continue on my path. I also know, but more importantly FEEL, it is 100% worth it.

As I become more aware, I can pick up on those around me. And let me tell you, the fear of not being enough in many of us, is immense. The way we conduct ourselves. The things we tell ourselves make us happy, whole, complete. The way we act out to engage love. The way we sabotage. Down play our feelings and abilities. Deflect. Blame. Over-compensate. Any behaviour that helps to stop us really looking inward and at our own shit. We’re all masters of it. But I have had enough. And I want to energetically encourage others to make the shift too. Not through preaching but by example. You will find it if it is meant for you. And I wholeheartedly believe it is a freedom beyond anything you could imagine.

The ego. In our human form, it is activated for survival. We are dropped into the body we occupy to carry out the experiences we need to in order to learn the lessons that we need to learn to grow. To raise your vibration. The only reason our ‘reality’ is percieved the way it is, is due to the vibrational frequencies we operate at as a collective. For you non- believers even modern day science agrees with this. There is so much we don’t ‘ know’ regarding where we come from, the afterlife, and other dimensions to mention just a few concepts. But the one thing all belief systems have in common is that the goal of living is to rise. Move towards understanding, knowledge, enlightenment and in turn, true peace. Become the light if you will. The goal is to learn to just BE.

The elements us humans need to survive are debatable. I mean the Breatharians survive on air alone. This blows my mind. But the one thing I believe all humans need, is connection and love. To our earth, to eachother and to ourselves. As a species if there is not someone there from the moment of birth to tend to us in some capacity, we die. We can not survive. Whether this level of connection or love is delivered in the way we can recieve though, is down to your experience. And herein lies, our first lessons.

If you really think about it, this frees up so much. This paves the way to understanding, love, compassion and forgiveness for all life. If our strongest driving force is survival, and all the ways in which we act out is to facilitate this; emotionally, mentally, physically; then we are just like the rest of the animal kingdom. We do what we do to survive.

So in my experience, my perception of how to be loved in my environment was to people please. To take on others emotions and attempt to keep the peace, make people happy and do things to make them proud to compensate for what I percieved they were missing. In this acting out, I told myself that I alone wasn’t enough. I had to take on personas and behave in certain ways to be accepted and hence loved. Not right or wrong. This is just my perception of my environment. As my brother and sister experienced it differently. More evidence that we all have our own seperate lessons we are here to learn.

So why am I writing this? Well people are starting to ask me what is it that I am learning. And I am getting ready to really share this experience.

Our ego is something we all hold dear. It is our safety net. Our go to. The sheild in which we experience the first 7 years of our life. But if you are reading this my bet is something is or has happened that has made you realise that your old patterns of behaviour no longer serve you. This is because those elements, behaviours or personas you took on to survive do not align to your true self. That bright light or soul that’s voice was there before all the day to day noise on earth muffled it’s sound.

Its ok to want what you want. But it’s so much more gratifying when you know why you want it. What nourishes you. What brings you life. Love. Happiness. Light.

The life you want is possible. In every aspect. I truly believe this. We just often lose sight of that chasing what we think we want.

And trust me, I would put my life on the fact that whatever the universe has planned for you, is greater and more fulfilling than your wildest dreams. You just have to align.

Lets affirm: I am deserving of all that is good in this world. I invite prosperity and abundance into my world. I am safe and loved. I am enough.

Much love, Michelle xxx