So basically this week I’m perplexed – perplexed is my word of the month by the way 😆. So here I am all snug on the couch being all perplexed about whether or not I join the online dating scene. I know, I know; Am I a dinosaur? Where have I been? Have I been living under a rock? And all that jazz. The answers are no I’m part unicorn though, I generally live in my own little universe and no I live in a unit complex.
I don’t know, call me old fashioned but there is something about that moment when you lock eyes with someone for the first time and feel their presence around you and how you bounce off eachother, that I don’t get how it can be emulated through a screen. That initial excitement and attraction isn’t just based on your best selfie. It’s a whole mind, spirit, soul experience – with a nod to the body of course; whatever that means for you.
Sure via messages, you can have banter. You can make eachother laugh. Flirt. Get to know little things about that person, and organise the opportunity to meet up with someone you may not have connected with otherwise. But to me, I’ve always thought it was a little unnatural. When I am attracted to someone, it is a whole body feeling.
In saying that, I get it. People are designed to be connected. But people are busy. People tend to spend a lot of time on technology and therefore can fit a flirt and stalk session easily into their daily tasks. Actually getting ready and going out to increase the opportunity of meeting potentially eligible dates seems like a lot more effort. I get the win of being able to talk the talk from the couch, in your trackies without having to shave your legs until the actual meet up date is scheduled. That part I do get.
And I get how addictive it can be. Sitting at a cafe with my girlfriend the other morning, she offered me ‘a turn’ on her Tinder app to see what it was about. I was in hysterics. That might sound mean but the whole thing just cracked me up. The unsaid template that is followed; The profile selfie – I’m hot; the photo with the hot friends – my hot friends will get along with your hot friends; the travelling shot – I am cultured and interesting; the photo with a pet – I’d be amazing with your babies – let’s practice making some; the workout photo;
Just writing this, I am in cafe cackling away to myself. Now I realise this is judgemental and as I haven’t done any online dating ever, I can’t really have a valid educated decision on the topic. And this is where I am at with it. Should I give it a go so at least I can say I tried and also so I don’t feel like I am withholding? Maybe through my abstaining from this option, I am denying myself the opportunity to meet Mr Right?
I mean my sister met her now husband online and they are very happily married and just had their second child together. The father of my kids also met his new partner online. They have been very happily together for about 15 months now. There are countless success stories in my world of the online dating scene. And to be fair my approach hasn’t really been working for me, so what do I have to lose?
My girlfriend who shared her Tinder with me, was very encouraging. If anything she said, it gets you out there and “Trust me. It’s a huge confident boost!” Basically if you are a girl on Tinder, you are bound to attract a load of male attention. I was momentarily curious. Everyone loves attention. Everyone loves to be wanted and made to feel special. But as I sat next to her on the couch that night listening to the comments that were being made, I quickly closed off again. The guy with the selfie on the toilet photo or the guy who questioned everything from toilet paper preferences to her retirement dream in the first message. One even said after a quick hello – and I quote “wanna come to mine on Saturday night to drink and f**k?” WOW! Charming! And apparently not that abnormal. But apparently you just ignore those ones.
I shared this story with my baby daddy. As I mentioned, he met his new partner on the same app. He was telling me, that it is all about the site that you are on. But, he stressed Tinder used to be all about just “hooking up” when his friends used to tell him about it back when he was with me. But now, it is seen as a legitimate dating app. Somewhere to find your partner. You know that guy you always dreamed of that offers drinks and a f**k on your first meeting. I feel weak at the knees. NOT! Let’s be honest as a female if that is what you wanted all you have to do is go to a pub or club any night of the week and there you go. But that is so far from what I want these days, I feel perplexed. Are all the dating sites as doomed as I have in my mind?
This topic came up at my Consciousness coaching course yesterday. Two of the beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving woman in the room were sharing their experiences with online dating. After a few giggles at some of the catches they had met online, we got down to it. To look at it from the perspective of all the work we are doing. Yes dating sites like Tinder appeal to the ego. But less likely to appeal to your soul. It is a quick fix to feel better in the moment. Just like the old fashioned one night stand after a wink across the bar. And maybe it will evolve into something more meaningful but where I am at right now, I think it would just discourage me. I really think I am past the BS and ready for something real. Loving. Trusting. Long-lasting. And I know I deserve it.
But as I do always say. Never say never and I’ll try anything once. No regrets ☺️
So stay tuned. I’ll let you know if I decide to have a play. In the mean time I’ll be brainstorming about which travel, selfie and workout shots I’m going to put up. Big life decisions!
So wish me luck! Love and light ✨
Much love, Michelle xx