‘You were dancing sexy in front of my man!’ ‘You want him.’ ‘You s**t!.’
This is what 5 young “ladies” were screaming into my face in a dingy nightclub toilet. I was actually terrified. It was quite obvious to me as they closed in around me, that I wasn’t talking my way out of this situation that I had inadvertently got myself into. I was not even aware of who this girls boyfriend was, but apparently the girls didn’t; or possibly he did; enjoy my dance moves.
As if it were the sun, a beacon of light gleamed through the door as it opened and alerted me to the fact that I had a possibility to escape these drunk and angry haters I had acquired. They seemed distracted by the new arrivals and I quickly ducked past them and then ran as fast as I could to the safety of the outside.
Wtf. I was in shock. I had never in all my years nightclubbing, experienced anywhere near that sort of hostility toward me. I am 100% not a fighter – unless you upset my kids – and I am almost certain that they were about to deal with my apparently disrespectful dance moves by physical means. In short, I was about to get my ass handed to me.
Now if I’m honest, this was clearly no classy establishment. It was in no way somewhere I would encourage anyone over 19 to attend and this was possibly a Wednesday night. I was not in a good place at the time and every night I didn’t have my kids was an opportunity to party away my sorrows. Well at the time I thought that would help. As we all know, when you’re doing it to cover emotions it only ever leads to destruction. But regardless, I was most definitely not intentionally shaking my ass in any specific direction. Not my style. I love a good dance but it’s always for me, not anyone else.
Fast forward a week, and I’m in the playground after school kicking the footy with my son. I love a good game of kick to kick and I’m not half bad. He had come home very excited a few months before to tell me he had finally snagged a spot on the lunch time footy team. Left Right Out. It broke my heart. So every chance I got, I would play kick to kick with him after school. Partly for practice, partly because then the other kids wanted to join in and slowly I backed away. Anyway I digress. A beautiful mum, I love a lot as she doesn’t change who she is for anyone, came up to me and said ‘What a sexy mumma! Kicking the footy around like that. You go girl!’
She meant it. But I got embarrassed. I tried to explain myself. She wouldn’t have it – bless her – she said that while you have it you should show it off! She then left and I told my son we were wrapping it up. I was in short denim shorts and I wondered if the general consensus of the other parents was that I was a bit inappropriate. I left contemplating was I being too ‘sexy’, was I overtly inappropriate and should I change how I behave, dress and act now that I have 2 children? Is it ok for mums to be ‘sexy’?
I mean what is sexy anyway? It’s different for everyone yes? I mean I have a weird thing for guys who wear thongs with jeans. I don’t know what it is, but when they pull that look off I can’t get enough. Or the other thing I love, which is probably more main stream, a man who can play guitar and sing. Gets me every time. But yes, I think we all have our own things that grab our attention and make us think someone is ‘sexy.’ The other funny thing to me was sexy was never something I saw myself as.
In the nightclub situation I was the eldest in there by 6 years and that was to the person I was with. And she probably had around 3 years on everyone else. I was also just dressed in a sundress and sandals. Nothing like the two piece, sheer, backless, skin tight outfits all the younger girls were wearing. I also did not, and do not, wear much makeup and have one standard look with my hair. Not that this bothers me but I guess I have assumed glamour equals sexy.
Likewise, in the school setting. My entire focus was on having fun with my son and enjoying the learning process and time I got with him in kick to kick. My thoughts were completely on him and how he was doing. So if it’s the furtherest thing from my mind, what is sexy?
It must be those moments when I’m lost in them. When I am carefree. Comfortable. Casual. Myself. When I’m confident in what I’m doing and why I’m there. Wether it’s to teach or have fun or whatever. My focus is just on the moment. The awkwardness sets in when I think about it too much.
I think it’s ok to be sexy. In fact I think it’s great. I think it’s something as women we are encouraged not to do as it can detract from our knowledge, wisdom, intuition and other amazing attributes. But I think out innate ability to be feminine and sexy should be encouraged. It’s part of what makes us women. If I see another woman doing something that I think is her displaying her true self, her confidence, her taste, style and preferences, I applaud it. Compliment her. Honour her as a fellow woman. Don’t be a Debbie Downer. I think we forget that when we say bad things about others, it really only makes us look bad. And feel bad too.
Don’t be jealous or negative by default. Make your default to find inspiration or joy in other woman’s ability to share themselves with the world. However they choose to do that. It’s their choice. Their life. I chose not to change how I am acting, dressing and behaving just to fit in or please others. I’m going through the learning process like every other women and I will do it in my own time, if and when it suits me. Plus, I have great legs so if I can pull off denim shorts I’m going to wear them 😉
Embrace what makes you you. Be kind. Be happy. Spread your love and light wherever you go. Now that shit is sexy!!
Much love, Michelle xxx